Player Profile - Tim O'Leary

Bob has added Tim as number 1 in his 'to do' list

With more rain another week of cancelled football decends on the Soccer Stallions. So again it is up to the London Touch Stallions to provide the entertainment. This time it's the turn of Tim. You've read his match reports, you've heard his bitching, and he even managed to go one step further than Morgan Changarai by ousting the Stallions Mugabe.

Position:
Halves (Ed: Gotta love how everyone in the touch team is going to claim that their position in in the halves. Do we even have positions in the team?)

Stallion Hall of Fame:
Being the current Team Captain after Rauru “Mugabe” Walker threw his toys... An honour and a privilege. Most fines for ref abuse, in all honesty I can’t help it... They’re shit!

How many seasons as a Stallion?
Currently in my second season for the London branch

Are you a dual Stallion?
If so what game are you best at? Just Touch at moment, according to the Mrs I am a dual... (But don’t ask her ‘cos she’ll just deny it... Pew! Pew!) Nah in all honesty there have been rumours floating round that Rauru may be setting up a Stallions Volleyball Franchise over the Northern Winter, but at the mo there is only one Code up here. (Ed: Really? Was this volleyball idea decided at the post match drinks session cause I have no memory of this)

Greatest Stallion Moment?
Was on fire the whole game got a couple of tries, set up a couple and as consequence the confidence brimming over. As always there was some cheeky off the ball stuff and words in the opposition ears.... Aaanyway got into a bit of a scrap he got sent off, and I got Stallion!

Worst Stallion Moment?
In all honesty none, although being told to “f**k off “or “shut the f**k up” and then apologising at half time/full time takes some pride swallowing. Also when I tackled myself... luckily only a few fellow Stallion’s saw.

Describe your last try for the Stallions.
Maybe 15 metres out from the line and standing at first receiver, I showed the ball to the defence and shimmied outside my marker and through the gap.

Complete the sentence - As a player I am susceptible to ...
Getting angry, telling the ref how to do his job, expending all my energy yelling from the sideline, not subbing enough.

Most under-rated Stallion?
Dan Wharakura... Every week he plays (sometimes he has to cancel Stallion’s for Soccer) he manages to score a couple or set up a couple. Everyone else blows hot and cold but Dan is consistent every week. Honourable mention to Hooky, despite getting fined heavily and having no gas always seems to be in amongst it each week.

Finish this sentence. The Stallions need more?
Testosterone and Discipline. Testosterone to stop us bitching so much and start manning up. Discipline because our drives let us down every week despite us talking about them... every week. Also Cheerleaders, every week I hear about Cheerleaders but none ever turn up.

Which international player are you most like?
Was going to say Carlos or Dan Carter... But the reality is I’m like Andre Nel, the Saffa fast medium pacer. Apparently he has an alter ego called “Gunther” that he brings out occasionally to deliver beamers and bouncers. I’m a bit angry, competitive, don’t like loosing and yell and swear and curse on the pitch, but off it I’m fine.

Where will the Touch Stallions finish in 2008?
Top 2 – Our single loss was very unlucky and if we can get to the final...Sweeeet

Scraping the bottom of the barrel now ...

Player Profile: Lachlan

Position:
On my back with leg raised usually in a hospital operating theatre…. If not then striker or goalie, I like to do as little running as possible.

Stallion Hall of Fame:
Inaugural golden boot winner (with a measly 4 or 5 goals as we only scored a dozen odd that year…) The most prone Stallion on the long term injury front. Stallion that has paid the most amount of money per game to play for the mighty team due to injury proneness.

How many seasons as a Stallion?
Hmmm 3 but technically you could probably argue that it equates to one full season. Still an original Stallion however and they are few and far between these days.

Are you a dual Stallion? If so what game are you best at?
No have not been called up for the cricket team probably because Rauru is scared ill show up his bowling skills again, long story short Rauru got spanked playing for Paekakariki, I came on to bowl for his expensive ass and took a five-for on debut and yes they may have been young but you didn’t get them out did you!

Greatest Stallion Moment?
Playing the inaugural season, yes we were shit but it was the start of what has become a proud institution and am pleased to see the tradition is living on!

Worst Stallion Moment?
Has to be the collecting the set of left knee ligament tears third game of the season in 2006. Was looking forward to a good season after a couple of years away and then it was all over in a flash… still an ACL tear didn’t manage to stop me from subbing Ben B after too nutsed goals in 5 minutes! I need video proof that Benny B has become Peter Cech the Second…

Describe your last goal for the Stallions.
Too long ago too remember, can tell you the worst miss however. Wainui at Wainui decent size sideline crowd. Ball was passed back to the keeper, sniped in and got there before the keeper, beautiful touch to round him and then side footed it gloriously right of the open goal…

Complete the sentence - As a player I am susceptible to ...
knee injuries… however have picked up a bionic leg for my return in 2009!

Most under-rated Stallion?
Jason – for a big man he has skills, saw him come of age his first year.

Finish this sentence. The Stallions need more?
Physios/Doctors/Trainers/Nurses in tight little skimpy outfits with black fishnet stockings and … sorry what was the question

Which international player are you most like?
Ronaldo (the original) injury prone, can score the odd scorcher, likes booze and food.

Where will the Stallions finish in 2008?
Better than we have achieved ever before hopefully, season looks as though it may have promise…

Player Profile - he of the most bullshit goals ...

Logan

Position:
Slightly to the right of Genghis Kahn

Stallion Hall of Fame?
Aiming for most ponies and stallions for the season

How many seasons as a Stallion?
1st - poached from the enemy (raiders, not all the other teams in div 7)

Are you a dual Stallion? If so what game are you best at?
Yes, only just. Played two cricket games with a poor batting average, not allowed to bowl, and one magnificent on drive sliced between three opposition players. The missus reckons I’m a triple stallion ;)

Greatest Stallion Moment?
Scoring with my first touch of the ball as a stallion, hattrick on debut, the look on the finemasters face upon doing so.

Worst Stallion Moment?
Angry man tirade at Chris Jones the f@#$%@ cheating @#%@^ @#%% c@%@ from Marist.

Describe your last goal for the Stallions
Magnificent curling screamer from just outside the centre circle, past a sprawling stop out goal keeper and his defender.

Complete the sentence - As a player I am susceptible to ...
Exaggerating goals, not passing, not subbing, not listening to the coach, angry man tirades, over use of the ‘c’ word

Most under-rated Stallion?
Steve Hodges, without whom we would all have to put up with the abuse as ref!

Finish this sentence. The Stallions need more?
Oranges at half time

Which international player are you most like?
John arne riise, red, underachiever, powerful shot from waaay outside the box

Where will the Stallions finish in 2008?
3rd, with a 4-0 victory last day of the season.

Picture: Gus on the wrong side of the fence again. Sorry for the photo, but after heroics of jumping the fence, Gus wasn't keen to hang around in the baboon enclosure for a decent photo. Robin crapping his pants probably didn't help. Also sorry for the delay in posting this Gus, your crap goal described here has been replaced by an even more bullshit goal (if that's possible). Can't you just poke the ball in from a metre?

Player Profile - Tristin

Position:
Striker

Stallion Hall of Fame?
Last person to pay subs this year.

How many seasons as a Stallion?
First full one this year, ring in last year.

Are you a dual Stallion? If so what game are you best at?
NO, summers are spent on the beach.

Greatest Stallion Moment?
Receiving my number 11 top this year, finally no longer just Jasons mate.

Worst Stallion Moment?
Being ring in striker last year and failing to score a Goal!

Describe your last goal for the Stallions.
Vs Stop out, spark plug from the bench, Nick to pandas feet, held up nicely by the spotted one and played into my path (he had to pass it to me the facial said it all!) one touch into space, picked my spot, head down, give it heaps.

Complete the sentence - As a player I am susceptible to ...
1 Not taking the defence on one on one enough? aint that what strikers are meant to do?
2 Not setting up Aaron enough?, so he says!

Most under-rated Stallion?
The Rock at the Back J-Man, should get more MVP points for snuffing out attacks, Attack will win you games but defence wins you championships.

Finish this sentence. The Stallions need more?
Patience and confidence on the ball to take a touch and play the way you face, that’s when we create space for us all to pass and play controlled football to feet.

Which international player are you most like?
Glenn Hoddle? always been and always will be a spurs supporter, but if I was being honest maybe Michael as long as they go in Owen.

Where will the Stallions finish in 2008?
You always got to be going for number 1

Player profile - Nick W

Position:
Midfield (in theory; in practice I tend to be all over the place)

Stallion Hall of Fame:
Season MVP in debut year for Stallions. Downhill ever since.

How many seasons as a Stallion?
4, I think.

Are you a dual Stallion? If so what game are you best at?
Am extraordinarily bad at cricket, so have avoided being a Cricket Stallion for everyone’s sake.

Greatest Stallion Moment?
Being awarded season MVP.

Great moments for me are when we scored an end-to end goal from a free flowing passing movement among the team. Those are rare moments.

Goals wouldn’t qualify here, because any goal I’ve ever scored for the Stallions is a distant, distant memory and would be difficult to distinguish from rose-tinted fantasy.

Worst Stallion Moment?
The worst moment would have been moment of the final (early, and only) whistle-blow of the referee in the loss to Uni Terrace last year. Dismal.

Describe your last goal for the Stallions.
My last goal for the stallions will be a right foot strike, travelling low above the ground from 3 metres inside the 18 yard box and two metres right of the right-hand post of the goal, after a layoff pass on the deck from Rob, who will be wearing the incorrect uniform and be fined later that evening for it.

Complete the sentence - As a player I am susceptible to ...
Overzealous celebration of my rare goals. And underzealous celebration of my rare goals.

Most under-rated Stallion?
To me two people stand out: Aaron, and Nick Goodall. The Stallions team has developed a strong culture with a good mix of off-field enjoyment and on-field teamwork. That mix is very important and is complementary: one feeds the other.

Both Aaron and Nick have put heaps into leading that culture this year and made the team great to be part of. Aaron’s doing an outstanding job producing the blog, and goes about his work as finemaster with an unparalleled enthusiasm. Nick G is really leading the team well in organising players before matches, communicating to everybody the team approach on the field and reflecting afterwards on how we can get better. All with good humour which is ultimately what this team is all about.

Great team culture this year lead by these two guys and it’s no accident that the results on the field back it up.

Finish this sentence. The Stallions need more?
Patience to retain the ball in our possession.

Which international player is most like you?
I wish: Graeme Bachop
In reality: Caleb Ralph – mediocre in first season for All Blacks and worse every year thereafter.

Where will the Stallions finish in 2008?
Where we deserve.

photo: Is this the wrong Nick White, sorry about that. Please nobody do an google image search for Nick White with no search filters. Especially anybody at work. How much amateur gay porn can be made by one guy (well, lets be fair - he and all of his friends).

Player Profile - Corey

Position:
Left back

Stallion Hall of Fame:
Umm does 2007 season colt count?

How many seasons as a Stallion?
This is my 2nd season

Are you a dual Stallion? If so what game are you best at?
No

Greatest Stallion Moment?
Surviving 90minutes without subbing off injured

Worst Stallion Moment?
Losing to those muppets wgtn e-lite,then reading their poxy match report

Describe your last goal for the Stallions.
Are you having a laugh, I am yet to score a goal (not through lack of trying).

Complete the sentence - As a player I am susceptible to
...getting injured and mouthing off at the opposition .

Most under-rated Stallion?
Jamie our keeper he needs more self belief though if last season was bad I can’t wait for a great season

Finish this sentence. The Stallions need more?
Wins than anyone else,then we will surely win the league.

Which international player are you most like?
John Terry

Where will the Stallions finish in 2008?
top of the table

Photo: Corey doesn't much like cats.

Player Profile - Patrick

Position:
Currently centre mid, however given the Stallions’ form in my absence I’ll be lucky to make the bench this weekend!

Stallion Hall of Fame:
The only Stallions striker to have scored less goals than Ben H.

How many seasons as a Stallion?
This is my second full season although I also made a cameo appearance in the 2004 season…

Are you a dual Stallion? If so what game are you best at?
Certainly not – and for those of you who think I’m crap at football, you should see my cricket!

Greatest Stallion Moment?
Was that greatest or gayest?

The greatest was in my brief cameo in 2004 against Nth Wgtn when I ran from half way, went into the box, rounded the keeper and was taken out by the last defender. I turned to the ref (Tangi) who was still on half way who promptly waved play on. The defender came over, picked me off the ground, and said “sorry mate that’s the clearest penalty I’ve ever seen, I didn’t get anywhere near the ball”!

The Gayest – definitely the big gay love in after Joe’s last minute equaliser against the Indians at KP last season.

Worst Stallion Moment?
The awful 1-0 loss to the Indians at Melrose in the rain last year.

Describe your last goal for the Stallions.
A penalty against Petone last year in our 4-3 loss. I deliberately knocked it in off the post….(obviously you weren’t taking notes Goodall).

Complete the sentence - As a player I am susceptible to ...
Complaining: to the ref, the opposition, the Stallions etc. It should be noted that I haven’t complained to my Dad yet.

Most under-rated Stallion?
Corey. Fully committed, lovely left foot, good in the air and an excellent tackler.

Finish this sentence. The Stallions need more?
Mongrel – we’re far too nice for Div 7.

Which international player are you most like?
David Beckham – good at set pieces but should have retired years ago.

Where will the Stallions finish in 2008?
If Paul plays most games 2nd or 3rd, otherwise 4th.

Since we are talking a lot about keepers this week ...

Player Profile: Jamie

Position:
(06) –MVP Goalkeeper
(07) – DUDD Goalkeeper
(08) – Amped up Goalkeeper ready to take on the 08 like I ended 06 with nothing to stop me apart from Aarons final second kick at goal, I wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of putting it past me, silly me and putting my body on the line yet again, Left right out, keeping the spare balls company when I can make it along to the games. On my return to Keeper if that position still exists for me (great job Brooks, you have stood up have been the perfect replacement for me) I will stay on the side line warming myself up until the Ref is about to blow his whistle, then I will take my spot on the field and not a moment sooner.

Stallion Hall of Fame:
Going from MVP in 06 to what should have been my Pony of the Season award in 07. I think that should be something to put into that hall of fame, usually you would kind of expect that the player may lose a bit of their touch but not to lose that much of it.

How many seasons as a Stallion?
This would have been my 3rd season and since I have fully paid my subs, I guess I can still take that 3rd season as being mine.

Are you a dual Stallion? If so what game are you best at?
No, footy is the only stallion version that I can commit too, I don’t dare run me wanting to play cricket past the wife. I cause enough grief going out and coming home drunk, and then snoring the house down, I don’t think doing that 2 seasons of the year would be the most sensible decision I could possibly make. Who knows I might just throw it in there and try for next summer, I feel like becoming a single man soon.

Greatest Stallion Moment?
Seeing all of us lined up, ready to start 08 in our brand new strip, it looked pretty impressive and felt good knowing we were about to launch into 08 as a brand spanking new team, god knows how they felt from that moment on, I don’t really know.

Worst Stallion Moment?
Let’s focus on the positives shall we, not my balls ups!!!! Mine would have to be 07 as keeper, I have never had such a rubbish season to the point I wanted to not worry about playing in 08, confidence was shot to hell after receiving MVP in 06

Describe your last goal for the Stallions.
How about I change this question because I only score goals for the other teams we play. ‘Describe the worst goal I have given to the our opponents’
Easy, it won’t leave my memory no matter how hard I try to drink myself silly, playing Petone, didn’t have my full body behind the ball, went through my hands, hit my foot and dribbled over the goal line, what a rank moment.

Complete the sentence - As a player I am susceptible to ...
Putting my body on the line to much and not really caring if I get hurt in the process, so long as the ball didn’t end up in the back of the net I am happy, sore but happy.
(Sorry Jamie, your picture does not work – Stallions imagine a broken player assisted by an old baldie with his fly down).
Good old Nurse Jules to the rescue, I have edited this picture and gave him the saved head look cause one of the hospital ladies that was doing my x-ray had a shaved head, with her there and the great drugs I was pumped with, it made going to the hospital in immense pain worthwhile.

Most under-rated Stallion?
The 2008 Bull & Bear Stallions were probably the most under-rated, I am sure people were looking at where we placed last year and thought they had it all good, and you all stood up and proved that a true Stallion will never back down no matter how badly the confidence was damaged the season prior.

Finish this sentence. The Stallions need more?
SUPPORTERS!!!! And guys like Steve who will take a tonne of slack from any team and still come back and put his hand up to Ref another potential verbal game.

Which international player are you most like?
I am not by any means a Chelsea supporter, but in 2006 Chelsea played Reading and Petr Cech was laid out after being caught by Stephen Hunt's knee, went to hospital, Cech with a depressed skull fracture. Perhaps goalkeepers' jerseys should carry a government health warning: "You wear this item at your own risk. Your personal safety cannot be guaranteed. Goalies sometimes need protecting from themselves, but yeah that someone who will put their body on the line no matter what the outcome is.

Where will the Stallions finish in 2008?
I want the Stallions to get promoted in 09, I will hopefully get to be a part of this successful Stallions team before the season finishes, but you know what, go for broke and take that bloody first spot, no position lower than 3rd should be acceptable considering the way you guys have done this season, your making me & the Bull & Bear proud.

Special Question: Do you forgive Aaron?
Yes, how can I remain angry at the greatest player to ever put on the green and yellow?

Picture: Jamie's new party trick.

Player Profile - Jason

Picture: Justice makes Jason his b**ch.

Position
Defence of sorts…

Stallion Hall of Fame:
Only in my dreams…

How many seasons as a Stallion?
This is my 3rd.

Are you a dual Stallion? If so what game are you best at?
I once played a pre-season game for the Cricket Stallions...does that count? Definitely more of a cricketer…

Greatest Stallion Moment?
Pulling on the jersey for the first time.

Worst Stallion Moment?
Not decking Justice after he slapped me…

Describe your last goal for the Stallions.
Last few seconds of injury time, both legs cramping up, blistering 35yd drive…keeper had no chance! Then I snapped out of my dream and saw the ball dribbling over the line upon taking a deflection from the heel of a defender after I had shinned it from 5yrds…Lovely goal!

Complete the sentence - As a player I am susceptible to...
Attempting slide tackles that miss by miles!

Most under-rated Stallion?
Anybody who plays defence…

Finish this sentence. The Stallions need more?
Merchandise…shirts are awesome, how about beanies and scarves?!

Which international player are you most like?
Most talented allrounder since Sir Garfield Sobers

Where will the Stallions finish in 2008?
We’ve got the team to go all the way this season, or at least qualify for the Champions League.

The pinacle of profiles apparently ...

Umm, no.

Nick G

Position:
Centre Back but Sweeper is my favourite coz I can be lazy – let my mouth do all the work.

Stallion Hall of Fame:
Hmmm, not much.
Took on manager/coach/captain or whatever you call trying to organise you lot in only second year in team.
Loudest mouth.
Most fines 2007 (I think – 60 odd bucks!).

How many seasons as a Stallion?
This is number 3 and looking like being the best!

Are you a dual Stallion? If so what game are you best at?
Yip, but only a cricket ring in, when the missus allows or is away.
Well, I’ve never had the sort of feat achieved in one game last season for the Cricket Stallions in Football, bagging a 5 for (after only coming in at about the 30th over – bloody Graham!), taking a stumping and scoring a quick fire 14 at the tail end including a 6 over point.
But my consistency in football probably points toward that being my stronger code. If only I could get forward a bit more to slot home a few more goals…

Greatest Stallion Moment?
Becoming a Stallion!
Nah, yet to be had I hope (the league this year?), though notching my first goal for quite a while last year was good and avoiding relegation “Fulhamesque” style at the death was a big relief.

Worst Stallion Moment?
No doubt my missed penalty against Petone Dreamers this year. After nailing our comp before the game, I nonchalantly strolled up once it was awarded and proceeded to absolutely duff it, scuffing the ground as the ball dribbled to the keeper. Best chance for it to go in was if the keeper missed it after being unable to contain his laughter.
Also any goal Nick W or Aaron scores.

Describe your last goal for the Stallions.
(I’ve been hanging out for this question – brace yourselves)
An absolute peach against the quality Stokes Valley last year (up at KP for a rare match nonetheless).
On one of my trademark runs up front, I typically unselfishly laid the ball off to one of our strikers, but amazingly I actually got it back this time after the SV defender shanked a clearance. The ball fell to me outside the box on the right hand side, where I casually took a touch, fed it to my favoured right foot and slammed the ball into the inside of the left side netting of the goal. The keeper never had a chance! Almost the best thing was even after SV had kicked back off I was still in celebration mode and as they hoofed the ball up field I did the most unnecessary diving header to clear the ball, you can’t say I’m not a crowd pleaser!!!!

Complete the sentence - As a player I am susceptible to...
Being lazy and demanding everyone else do more work than me,
The odd glaring shocker, and a bit of ref/opposition abuse.

Most under-rated Stallion?
Willie Bleakley, we seem to have sorted our striker issues out but there’s always room for the little energiser bunny who never gave opposition defences a rest (even when he was hung-over as shite!).

Finish this sentence. The Stallions need more…
Mongrel, lets get some fights going…
(No, not really – behave you loose cannons)

We need more belief in ourselves and trust in our team mates (what a boring answer).

Which international player are you most like?
I love ze Germans with their rock solid defence and love to think I’m like Ballack in midfield (minus penalty taking ability) but realistically I’m more like Ryan Nelsen – a solid defender who likes to organise (okay not quite realistic – he’s always injured!).

Where will the Stallions finish in 2008?
Top 3, but if we are in it nearing the end of the season when we should be peaking we can take top spot from Marist or the Sealords.

Player Profile: Joe 'just 1 more week and I'll be able to play again' F

Position:
Anywhere really – I think I must be the only Stallion who has graduated from the backs through the midfield to playing upfront and then to back to midfield. Versatility or something else?

Stallion Hall of Fame:
Not yet

How many seasons as a Stallion?
This is my 3rd

Are you a dual Stallion? If so what game are you best at?
Played 1 season with the cricketers and now serve as an unreliable ring in. Best at football I would say

Greatest Stallion Moment?
Beating the Indians a couple of weeks ago stands out – a hard fought, warts and all victory. Other than that, our wind swept final victory over Brooklyn a couple of seasons ago.

Worst Stallion Moment?
Personally, getting injured this season and being confined to the sidelines.

Describe your last goal for the Stallions.
My dying seconds goal against the Indians in the last game of last season. Slyly dispossessed one player, beat another couple then coolly dispatched it into the top left hand corner to level it at 3-3 and stave off relegation! (ok, I’m embellishing just a tad).

Complete the sentence - As a player I am susceptible to ...
Outbursts of emotion apparently (although I am approaching my game more calmly of late ;p)

Most under-rated Stallion?
Jason – a formidable workhorse

Finish this sentence. The Stallions need more?
Practise

Which international player is most like you?
Zinedine Zidane of course – flawed but brilliant

Where will the Stallions finish in 2008?
A top 3 finish is looking more than possible

Player Profile - Spencer W

Spencer

Position
Not goalie
Stallion Hall of Fame
-
How many seasons as a Stallion?
3 seasons, or though due to the number of games I have missed and crippling injuries, probably equivalent to one full season.

Are you a dual Stallion? If so what game are you best at?
No. Even though I’m probably a better cricket player than a soccer player.

Greatest Stallion Moment?
Getting my own jersey. The concept of sharing bodily fluids by jersey swapping is quite disgusting when you stop to think about.

Worst Stallion Moment?
Snapping my achilles tendon last year and missing the rest of the season.

Describe your last goal for the Stallions.
A great run though the defensive line with a precision pass from Ben H and drilled into the left side netting only to be ruled offside. Unfortunately still goalless. Too busy making the rest of the team look good.

Complete the sentence - As a player I am susceptible to ... running too much when I haven’t got the ball and not running enough when I have got the ball.

Most under-rated Stallion?
Nick Goodall for his leadership qualities. When Nick talks everyone shuts up and listens.

Finish this sentence. The Stallions need more?
…fans. How can we expect to make the big money when we don’t have a fan base.

Which international player are you most like?
Dirk Kuyt. Hard working player for Liverpool but doesn’t get the profile and status of the big name players.

Where will the Stallions finish in 2008?
On top … of the division that is. No points for coming second!

All Hail ....

Now I realise I don't need a player profile since this whole blog is 1 big one. But for the integrity of the historical record, and to generate some pre-game friday afternoon blog action here goes.

Nick - since you love pictures do much I have left a space for you to pop one in. You can get a recent photo from www.pleasedatemeimnotthathideous.com

Aaron L

Position:
UTILITY GAWD-DAMN IT! Currently enjoying precious time in midfield (Nick W – a word of advice - stay in Athens and take up goat farming. There’s only a cold, hard spot on the sideline awaiting you at Stallions HQ!).

Stallion Hall of Fame:
The People’s Stallion
Fine master extraordinaire
Brought Ben H into the Stallions, 2002
End of season bowling champion, 2007
10= most handsome stallion 2004, as voted by Jen
Leading pony wrangler, 2008
Longest player profile, 2008

How many seasons as a Stallion?
Since however long the cricket Stallions have been here, with a couple of seasons awol here and there doing this and that. Only ever one moment away from breaking down and never playing again - an omen for tomorrow? – bring it ye cruel gods of fate.

Are you a dual Stallion? If so what game are you best at?
Now only available for cameo appearances for the cricket team, where its all about making the highlights package and not fielding. Its fair to say I’ve scored a few more runs than goals, even considered on a comparative basis. Now after retiring from cricket this is not likely to change.
* Cricket Stallion Greg says: Aaron 'The Crab' - the Crab is the man most likely to still be shuffling across his crease to pull a full ball through mid-wicket after the nuclear apocalypse comes...a man totally devoid of any decency, aesthetic appreciation or technique, he should therefore thrive in the Beautiful Game, where his mouth will no doubt be his greatest (and only) weapon...

Greatest Stallion Moment?
Is it too soon to say injuring Jamie first game 2008? Okay then, eons ago, Stallions firmly bottom of the table vs league leaders North Wellington. Stallions show up with no subs, and a still drunk Glen – who amazingly manages to curl in a free kick for an early lead. As the game progresses, I was one of many stallions who got injured and, with no subs available, we all got pushed to the back. This was like the return of the living dead – 4 limping, crying, screaming freaks shuffling their way up and down the field. But we held them out for a tough fought and rare win. Class.

Worst Stallion Moment?
You would think injuring Jamie, first game of 2008 wouldn’t you? Nah, that tragic game of 2007 vs United Arms, where I spent 70 mins comprehensively shutting down their striker who kept going on about how many goals he had scored. One lapse of concentration and chop in the box later, its penalty time and the Stallions lose 1-0. I didn’t see the normal love for Aaron in the eyes of the Stallions that afternoon – especially from a furious Jamie. Nice Patrick was the only one who consoled me, apart from the United Arms players – they were very sympathetic and have erected a small statue in my honour. The rumour that the chop was an act of protest against being forced to man-mark all game has little substance.

Describe your last goal for the Stallions.
Funny you should ask, it was mere days ago. Rather than hark on about the insane amounts of skill, pace and vision that led to the goal, I prefer to celebrate it as a drought-breaker, or even a floodgate-opener.

Complete the sentence - As a player I am susceptible to ...
Talking up a better game than I can deliver. And getting nutsed, chopping opponents and giving away penalties – often all within 2 seconds of each other.

Most under-rated Stallion?
I know he can’t score goals and runs like a chicken, but every team needs a workhorse – and we couldn’t do without Nick W.

Finish this sentence. The Stallions need more?
Fans chanting my name from the sidelines – I’m sure it will spur on more acts of brilliance. And people to drive us license-less, non-car owning Stallions to the games. I know showing up to that game with 7 in the car was environmentally sound, but that was crazy. I have never felt so close to Robin and Ben. Hows that groin injury going?

Which international player are you most like?
The ugly sisters of the Stallions (you know who you are – with your combined 08 goal tally of 0!) would say Reuben Thorne, but I’m definitely more Christian Cage – the cocky heel.

Where will the Stallions finish in 2008? Well away from the familiar smelling relegation zone – top 3 4sure, 4sure.

Next up: Spencer and Joe

Lock up your daughters ... its Robin

Position
Right or left mid. Let’s face it - I’m only really good at running.

Stallion Hall of Fame
Most handsome Stallion 2004 (as voted by the team’s most regular supporter, Jen). Hang on, what about the other seasons?

How many seasons as a Stallion?
One less than self-proclaimed original Grand High Stallion Mr Rauru Walker.

Are you a dual Stallion? If so what game are you best at?
Yes. At this stage I’m the only “surviving” dual stallion. My definition of surviving excludes people who play one game of football every season just to earn the dual stallion stripes (Graham), people who play one game of cricket every season on a whim because it’s a lovely sunny day, we’re playing at Kelburn park and there might be a barbecue (Aaron) and people who have to invent new teams and call them “The Line-dancing Stallions” or “The Stamp-collecting Stallions” just so that they still feel like they’re still in the loop but really they’re quite homesick and just need a little cry (Rauru).

What game am I best at? Telling it like it is.

*Cricketing Stallion Greg says: Robin 'Rob' Hinkley- the man most likely to score an exquisite 49 and then get bowled leaving a straight one....Rob should be good for a stunning bicycle kick into the corner of the post, as well as for maintaining a veneer of faultless fair play and reasonableness while actually being a ruthless, cold-blooded psycho who writes catchy pop songs about vengeance and armed robbery...

Greatest Stallion Moment?
The goal I curled in from a corner kick at Newtown Park against our foes Wellington United. Someone (perhaps Ben H) blocked the keeper, and no one laid a hand on the ball until it was in the net. Aaron didn’t even get a shoelace to it. That’s a tinny goal, I know, but the best bit was my uncharacteristic celebration that few have been able to replicate – it was kind of a double middle-fingers-up albatross mixed in with the ferocious roar of a lion. Quite Ancient Greek in its blending of creatures actually.

Worst Stallion Moment?
Realising later that the celebration discussed above was OTT and made me look like a complete dick.

A close second: Losing against runaway easy-beats Stokes Valley in a mud-bath at Delaney Park (though “Park” is being quite generous here). I vowed never to wash my boots until we had avenged them. Avenging them was subsequently made more difficult by the fact that they were relegated. Now you know why my boots are always so grubby.

Describe your last goal for the Stallions.
Two Saturdays ago. Made a run on the left wing, and was fed a beauty by either Paddy or Tristan. The little legs of the Olympic Nursery team couldn’t catch me and I popped it across the goalie into the right side of the goal. Managed to keep my celebration in check this time.

Complete the sentence - As a player I am susceptible to...
Kicking the ball away too early. I’m always looking for the through ball, and often mess it up when I could just pass it back, run with it or hold it up.

Most under-rated Stallion?
Nick Goodall. Come on guys, he’s not that bad!

Finish this sentence. The Stallions need more…
…net pegs, and perhaps a couple more rolls of insulation tape. Could someone perhaps pick those up on the way to the next game? Is this part of the blog a kind of shopping list?

Which international player are you most like?
Susan Devoy, for obvious reasons.

Where will the Stallions finish in 2008?
I’m feeling pretty optimistic about the season, but it’s hard not to after a 11-2 win. We won’t have any other games as easy as that, and there are a couple of teams in the grade that look formidable, but I reckon we can finish in the top three if we can field a consistent team and aren’t plagued by injury or fatherhood. Structurally, we seem to be working well as a team – the defence is well organised, our strikers and attacking midfielders are showing a bit of spark, and we’ve bagged some handy new recruits.

A Special Anzac Day Player Profile: G-UNIT

Graham M

Position
Left Right Out.

Stallion Hall of Fame
I have a total of one pony to my name. I must be the player to go through the most number of games with no Stallion or Pony.

Seasons as a Stallion?
I played one game in the inaugural season the cricketers were involved.

Are you a dual Stallion? If so what game are you best at?
Cricket by a long way, although I played rep soccer as a goalkeeper in age group teams.
* Cricket Stallion Greg says: Graham 'The Rhino' Mann- a man on 1000% commitment, fearsome intensity and countless injuries whose fondness for falling to the floor when the ball's at his feet should serve him well in the box.

Greatest Stallion Moment?
Glorious headed goal at Nairnville off a Willie Bleakley cross a couple of season ago. Followed it up with a big roar.

Worst Stallion Moment?
Oggie vs. Lower Hutt Somalis at Wainui. It ended 3-3 which made me feel quite stink too.

Describe your last goal for the Stallions.
See glorious headed goal alluded to earlier.

Complete the sentence - As a player I am susceptible to ...
...wanting to go for a big gallop up the field when I get the ball in space and getting tackled before I get rid of it.

Most under-rated Stallion?
Joe F, who I think really came of age last year.

Finish this sentence. The Stallions need more?
Beers after the game. Good work bringing those on the 2nd weekend, Goodall!

Which international player are you most like?
Paul Gascoigne. Old, fat, injured and doesn’t know when to give up… …although I never had that skill in the first place!

Where will the Stallions finish in 2008?
It’s gonna be a great season if we can find the back of the net a bit more, I’ll say top 3 finish.

Photo: Rhino-boy Graham reflects on how he didn't puncture the ball with his glorious headed goal. (Sorry Graham, it was either this or a Rhino in a G-string - Google images throws up some odd things!)

Another Player Profile ... Ben B

Position
Back/Goal Keeper

Stallion Hall of Fame:
The only person who belongs in the Stallion hall of fame is Steve.

How many seasons as a Stallion?
Four? Five? I can’t really remember they all blend into one muddy day where we dominate early earning a small halftime lead then let in a couple of goals early in the second and end up losing by three.

Are you a dual Stallion? If so what game are you best at?
I’m one of the original cricket/football stallions. I’ll leave it to the fans (Fash and Steve) to decide which I’m worse at.
* Cricket Stallion Greg says: 'Grumpy Bear Ben - the worst man for sledging...his own team...badly... famous for having his own captain throw the ball at him, and for holding himself back for that one moment of batting perfection...must be what he's working on while grimacing his way through another 90 mins in goal.'

Greatest Stallion Moment:
I think Rauru was right about the great win against Brooklyn to ruin their unbeaten season and deny them the grade.

Worst Stallion Moment?
Going into goal after Lachie went off injured, diving over the top of two shots/passes into goal, and then being replaced again by Lachie who was sick of such awful keeping.

Describe your last goal for the Stallions.
Pulled off a full length diving save from a penalty (Nick W – ‘handball’) with the scores at 2-2 and seconds left in the game, raced up field beating all of the oppositions players, came back down field beating 5 of our players before launching a rocket from 40 metres out and 10 metres in from the sideline. Yeh it was cool, I’m surprised you don’t remember it.

Complete the sentence - As a player I am susceptible to ...
• Strikers
• Midfielders
• Backs
• Referees
• Being nutsed
• Being beaten generally
• Slipping over when trying to pick the ball up and conceding a goal
• Justice
• Injustice
• Rain
• Kryptonite
• I could go on.

Most underrated Stallion?
An under-rated Stallion? Isn’t that a misnomer.

Finish this sentence. The Stallions need more?
Goals – some team in Capital 14b managed 15 last weekend.

Which international player are you most like?
My unique set of talents is tragically underrepresented on the international stage.

Where will the Stallions finish in 2008?
In a seedy Wellington bar talking about how we’re a real shot of winning the grade next year.

A pre-game player profile (thats if we don't get cancelled - current status: pissing down)

Photo: Kapiti College 5th 15, 1971, back row, centre - guess who didn't kick the conversions!

Rauru Walker
Position
Striker

Stallion Hall of Fame:
Stallions Founder and Figurehead
Golden Boot 2006

How many seasons as a Stallion?
2002 – 2006, to make my triumphant return in 2009. The only original Stallion remaining (if I still count as remaining having not played season or this one). Lachlan doesn’t count. You have to get through at least one full season without injury to be counted.

Are you a dual Stallion? If so what game are you best at?
Yes I am. Soon to be a tri-Stallion with the London ‘Touch’ Stallions about to start off their debut season. My record would say I’m better at the ‘beautiful game’ rather than the ‘gentleman’s game’.
*Cricketing Stallion Greg says: 'The Original Pony, Rauru must be well suited to football, what with his tendency to look a million bucks without ever producing the goods and his trademark skill of swinging the ball well beyond diving reach of the keeper...'

Greatest Stallion Moment:
Probably beating Brooklyn for the first time in 5 seasons on the last game of the year. It helped that I scored from the spot and also denied them winning the league. We won 1-0, there were three penalties in the game, we scored one and they missed the other two.

Worst Stallion Moment?
Scoring in the opening game of season 2005 only to be taken out once the ball was already in the net. Missed half a season with tendon damage to the ankle.

Describe your last goal for the Stallions.
See above vs Brooklyn. It was blowing a gale down at Owhiro Bay on the ground that has a dirt patch where an artificial cricket pitch goes. We were awarded a penalty, Jules got pushed away from pretty much everyone as he tried to step up to take it. I wasn’t confident but stepped up and drilled it low and to the right. Great finish.

Complete the sentence - As a player I am susceptible to ...
throwing the odd albatross

Most underrated Stallion?
Willy. He was a cross between a work horse and a ferret. He always managed to keep going with the ball amongst the tackles coming in, and won possession when he just shouldn’t have. I wouldn’t have scored half the goals I did without him.

Finish this sentence. The Stallions need more?
Basic skill. Passion drives the team which is great. If the team had better passing (and especially crossing) skills though then we’d be unstoppable!

Which international player are you most like?
Peter Crouch. Tall, no skill, can’t shoot for shit, but still manages to get goals somehow.

Where will the Stallions finish in 2008?
They should finish top half, but consistency is always a problem. I think top 3 would be a great effort, but maybe lack the fire power up front? Only 1 goal conceded from 2 games against ok teams so far though – has the defence finally sorted itself out?

Player Profile - Ben H

Position
Striker/midfield

Stallion Hall of Fame:
2007 Golden Boot
2007 Stallion of the Year
Consistently most-fined
Most unlikely to make it to the clubrooms

How many seasons as a Stallion?
2008 is my 6th season I have missed about 4 games in 6 seasons and if memory serves I have not missed a game in 2 seasons. The consummate stallion. The Ryan Giggs of the Stallions (only a bit nippier and more skillfull).

Are you a dual Stallion? If so what game are you best at?
I'm a mule stallion.

Greatest Stallion Moment:
Without question the fisty cuffs against Wgtn United. That and seeing Rauru leave for 2 seasons.

Worst Stallion Moment?
The first game of 2008 season. Excitement turning to despair seeing Jamie collapse in a heap before kick off and then having all the enthusiasm for the coming season seep out of me as the rain bucketed down on everyone while we waited for 15 minutes to clear Jamie off the field. And then playing a game where no one could control the ball because the ground was too hard and too wet. The biggest anticlimax to a season opener.

Favourite Stallion Captain?
Come on! All the captain does is choose heads or tails that's the extent of their powers. Some say the Stallions team is a true democracy. I say we are just a team of wankers who won't listen to anyone but themselves and who let their boots (and the opposition players who keep stealing the ball off them) do the talking.

Describe your last goal for the Stallions.
My raking header against Tawa (see earlier post) Ask me the same question in a year and the answer may be the same.

Complete the sentence - As a player I am susceptible to ...
Losing sight of the ball under my feet and doing a sort of an Irish jig
to try and get it in to view (more often than not resulting in my falling over). Well timed breaks down the wing, in order to release toe-hacked slicing crosses, season long periods of pathetic shot taking and poor decision making sprinkled with occasional and mystifyingly brilliant shots, cut through passes, and, Ben Thatcher like tackles. In short the Michael Campbell of the Stallions.

Most underrated Stallion
No one rates anyone.

Finish this sentence. The Stallions need more?
People that can play football.

Which international player are you most like?
Frank Sinclair.

Where will the Stallions finish in 2008?
Washed up on Dead Last Beach.

Poll Results #2

The most decisive polls ever - it is clear - if the Stallions were wrestlers they would be The Bushwhackers. Actually, their battering ram finishing move is a bit like our long ball. Also appropriate that Ben H was voted by runaway margin the most unwanted to take a penalty (well, in fairness out of the selected list of those who can actually shoot the ball in a straight direction.) A bit unfair - and how on earth did Ponypaddy get away vote free? Okay, the next few polls will have no potential to abuse Ben (any suggestions?).

Talking about Ben he is about to be the first Stallion to receive a player profile. What's a team blog without player profiles? The aim is to post a profile or 2 per week, through the season. Am starting with the most experienced Stallions (not in that way Jules), but in terms of games/seasons played. So Ben and Rauru to start, and we will see where we go from there. Lets see how this goes ...