Player Profile - Tim O'Leary

Bob has added Tim as number 1 in his 'to do' list

With more rain another week of cancelled football decends on the Soccer Stallions. So again it is up to the London Touch Stallions to provide the entertainment. This time it's the turn of Tim. You've read his match reports, you've heard his bitching, and he even managed to go one step further than Morgan Changarai by ousting the Stallions Mugabe.

Position:
Halves (Ed: Gotta love how everyone in the touch team is going to claim that their position in in the halves. Do we even have positions in the team?)

Stallion Hall of Fame:
Being the current Team Captain after Rauru “Mugabe” Walker threw his toys... An honour and a privilege. Most fines for ref abuse, in all honesty I can’t help it... They’re shit!

How many seasons as a Stallion?
Currently in my second season for the London branch

Are you a dual Stallion?
If so what game are you best at? Just Touch at moment, according to the Mrs I am a dual... (But don’t ask her ‘cos she’ll just deny it... Pew! Pew!) Nah in all honesty there have been rumours floating round that Rauru may be setting up a Stallions Volleyball Franchise over the Northern Winter, but at the mo there is only one Code up here. (Ed: Really? Was this volleyball idea decided at the post match drinks session cause I have no memory of this)

Greatest Stallion Moment?
Was on fire the whole game got a couple of tries, set up a couple and as consequence the confidence brimming over. As always there was some cheeky off the ball stuff and words in the opposition ears.... Aaanyway got into a bit of a scrap he got sent off, and I got Stallion!

Worst Stallion Moment?
In all honesty none, although being told to “f**k off “or “shut the f**k up” and then apologising at half time/full time takes some pride swallowing. Also when I tackled myself... luckily only a few fellow Stallion’s saw.

Describe your last try for the Stallions.
Maybe 15 metres out from the line and standing at first receiver, I showed the ball to the defence and shimmied outside my marker and through the gap.

Complete the sentence - As a player I am susceptible to ...
Getting angry, telling the ref how to do his job, expending all my energy yelling from the sideline, not subbing enough.

Most under-rated Stallion?
Dan Wharakura... Every week he plays (sometimes he has to cancel Stallion’s for Soccer) he manages to score a couple or set up a couple. Everyone else blows hot and cold but Dan is consistent every week. Honourable mention to Hooky, despite getting fined heavily and having no gas always seems to be in amongst it each week.

Finish this sentence. The Stallions need more?
Testosterone and Discipline. Testosterone to stop us bitching so much and start manning up. Discipline because our drives let us down every week despite us talking about them... every week. Also Cheerleaders, every week I hear about Cheerleaders but none ever turn up.

Which international player are you most like?
Was going to say Carlos or Dan Carter... But the reality is I’m like Andre Nel, the Saffa fast medium pacer. Apparently he has an alter ego called “Gunther” that he brings out occasionally to deliver beamers and bouncers. I’m a bit angry, competitive, don’t like loosing and yell and swear and curse on the pitch, but off it I’m fine.

Where will the Touch Stallions finish in 2008?
Top 2 – Our single loss was very unlucky and if we can get to the final...Sweeeet

Player Profile - Josh Hook

With the football Stallions getting about as much game time as a midget on the Lakers roster, it's time for the London Stallions to assert their colonial ways and take control of the blog for a bit. So, first up in the London Stallions player profile is Mr Joshua Winston 'seagull' Hook.

Josh took impressing the new French in-laws to a new level.

Position:
Stand off, Halves

Stallion Hall of Fame:

Summer 07, Spring 08, Summer 08 (Ed's note: Not sure if this is a Hall of Fame, more of a roll call. A Hall of Fame moment could be top try scorer for the Spring '08 though. How many have you got in the Summer '08 season though Josh?)

How many seasons as a Stallion?

2

Are you a dual Stallion? If so what game are you best at?

Yes, Indoor Cricket. Probably Indoor Cricket is my strength. (Ed: Doesn't really count as a dual Stallion if the other team you played for wasn't the Stallions Mr Hook)

Greatest Stallion Moment?

Hatrick within 10 mins, all from drives started deep from our half.

Worst Stallion Moment?

Hook-asene! Nuff said. (Ed: Actually, not enough said. For those not there, twice Josh has pulled off an intercept, had a 5m head start on the opposistion who were all running the other way, twice got gassed from behind, and twice throwing the ball away like a girl playing rugby. The sight earned him the nickname Hitro Hookasene)

Describe your last try for the Stallions.

Tim, Dan and I drove hard form our 10, got up to halfway, Dan broke out right – up the guts, passed to Tim who put me away as we created the overlap, I galloped away to score my third in a remarkable 10 min period.

Complete the sentence - As a player I am susceptible to ...

Not having enough gas and being heavily fined!

Most under-rated Stallion?
Tim-busktoo. The naggy, bithchy lil bastard does the yards and keeps it together in the middle. He has been a part of many of my tries and has to have a shout out. I’d like to drop a one Fanstroodle Magna Doodle into this mix as well, he is a solid performer, not overstated just delivers again and again in the grind.

Finish this sentence. The Stallions need more?
Pace, we lack genuine pace. We also forget to complete the basics which time and time again have proven top be our strong point. We also need to remember its our Thursday away from the girls and to enjoy on the field. Less bitching – that annoys me. Say it the right way, work together. I think I’ll fine myself for that one.

Which international player are you most like?
Well well, I like to think I am franistein mix of a few of the best, the game reading and game breaking of Carlos with a touch of Sonny Bill when it gets physical. (Ed: He's not lying about the Sunny Bill part. Remember though, the team is the 'Touch' Stallions)

Where will the Touch Stallions finish in 2008?

Spring 5th, Summer 3rd, Autumn 1st (Ed: Note sure if there is an Autumn season which probably explains Josh's optimism)

How the London Stallions roll ...

No whining about fines here, and look at the benefits:

'There is a bit of talk about going to a casino with all profits going back to the team, or a bit of sports betting which could be fun, otherwise things like go-carting, wake boarding, ten pin bowling, paint ball etc etc are all on the menu.'

Our tea and cream buns session at Ben's is looking a little lame.

Because the footballers are keeping quiet...

Here's another match report from our resident reporter Mr Tim O'Leary. It puts the Karori one to shame...

There will always be a debate going round football circles about which transfers have provided the best value for money... Gunner supporters inevitably bang on about “Terry Henry” (none of this Thierry crap) and how much he cost compared to goal ratio’s and football shirt sales. The Manc’ Scum get a mild semi every time you mention Eric Cantona, he only played three or four seasons for them but at a cost of £1 million he was worth every penny. Scousers always talk about Sami Hypia being the deal of the century and the fact Steven Gerrard and Jamie Carrager are home grown so essentially cost them nothing.

This debate not is confined to football as well... John Gallager, “The Schue”, Matthew Ridge all had great success and I know there wasn’t a transfer fee paid as such all succeeded and definitely provide great value for money (well maybe not Gallager).

Who are the worst transfers ever? I know he was free but Andriy “Your just a fat Paris Hilton” Voronin for Liverpool, Sebastian Veron for both the Manc Twat’s and Chelski... This debate can go on forever.

I know I’ve drivelled a bit but I think I have found the answer to the question...

Who you may ask is the best ever transfer?...

Not all of you may know his last name...

In fact he is soooo good he may as well be one of those Brasilian munters who doesn’t need one...

Not all of you may even know his first name... It doesn’t quite roll off the tongue like a “Pele” or sound as exotic as “Zidane”

That man goes by the name of Mr Brent Simpson...

Newest member of the Stallion crew... Scored four (yes that’s right four) tries on debut... And an obvious Stallion to boot...
Then followed up the next week with a brace...

How much did this man cost in transfer fees? Not a million, not even a thousand, just a couple of pints of god’s bounty... Surely the deal of the century.
Combine this with the fact we’ve already managed to squeeze several quid’s fines out of him, most notably for texting the Missus during fine session... twice. We have already recouped our money and then some.

Stallions now three wins on the trot for the summer season and sitting proudly at the top of the table:

Week 1 8 – 2 vs Speights Titans
Week 2 9 – 2 vs Pindred Surprise Men’s
Week 3 8 – 4 vs Flying Rhinos

Last night game was another corker with a hatrick for Geoff “can I bring my Zimmer frame onto the pitch ref?” Farnsworth, two for Brent “yeah honey I’ll be home soon” Simpson and one each for Fanny (lovely dive by the way, you were my vote for Stallion and I reckon you would have got if you drew blood), Mark (solid few weeks from both Adams boys) and Andrew the ring-in.

Stallion was Geoff for the hatrick and general all round play.

Pony was completely uncontested even by the man himself, Mr Rauru Walker with quite possibly the worst (or best, depends on which way you look at it) example of “t!ts for hands” since the evolution of the opposable thumb... Great break from dummy half from Geoff, over the line, needs to give it to someone to score... Pass to Rauru is right in the breadbasket all he needs to do is fall over... The Teacher gets an 'F' for how the F**k did you drop that?

Anyway a solid game by the Stallions but still plenty of room for improvement.

7:40 vs Obi one Kenobi nil next week.

R**k out with your c**k out

London Stallions finally ride!

The London Stallions touch rugby team got their season off to a great start with a 5-0 hiding of Vaseline Alley last Thursday (and with a name like that they deserve a hiding). The signs looked ominous for the Alley when, at the coin toss, their captain asked in astonishment how many subs we had. While we only had 4 (the standard amount) they had none, so round one to the Stallions.
After winning the toss and electing to run with ball in hand, the Spring '08 season was underway, and it didn't take long before the first try was scored.

Walker (I've decided to go for the 'Graham Mann cricket match report' and refer to myself in 3rd person) made a run to the line, took the touch, made a quick play the ball, broke right, and after good hands from two people was left unmarked on the outside for an easy try despite the desperate dive from the defenders.

Try number two wasn't too far behind with the Vaseline Alley defence caught napping and not getting back the 5 meters quick enough. A quick play the ball and dummy half pass gave the defence little time to get back, and it was Walker again who hit the ball at pace and went through the defensive line and raced 20 meters for his brace. The referee dismissed the protests from Vaseline Alley that they had made the touch, saying they weren't back 5 meters, and awarded the try.

The rest of the first half was back and forward with Vaseline Alley only once breaking the line, however, being the superb touch players that they weren't, when they did manage to get through the Stallions defence their player put the ball down after the 5 meter line - not the try line - resulting in a knock-on. Not since current London Stallion Josh Hook in game 1 season '07 has that level of stupidity been seen. Surely as bad a kicking bird poo on the way to taking a penalty and having the ball roll to an 80 year old. So the Stallions went into the break at 2-0 up, having hardly broken a sweat, with Vaseline Alley starting to tire in the 20 deg heat.

The second half was more one sided with the Alley again only once threatining the line but to drop the ball on the final pass. As the Alley started to tire, Jacko managed to skip his way through for his own brace, with Bjarne rounding off the scoring (I don't really remember how they happened as I was on the bench!). The Stallions could have and should have scored more tries, but for some good alley defence and lack of attacking options from the Stallions which will no doubt come with some games under the belt.

The aftermatch drinks was well attended by all Stallions (bar one who galloped off home). The boys got into the spirit of the fines which were kept to a minimum due to the low error rate of the players. After all was said and done the Stallion and Pony votes came about. With the Stallions playing as a star team rather than a team of stars, the decision for Stallion wasn't easy with Walker getting the nod for his early double. The Pony, after to-ing and fro-ing, eventually went to try scorer Bjarne for consistantly rushing up out of the line. The hope is that wearing the headband (and double wristbands) next week will remind him to hold the line and come up as one.

Fine highlights include the brothers Dan and Tim O, and Dan W for the show pony boots (the O'Leary brothers had a clear section in theirs, with Dan W pulling out one red boot and one blue boot - he says the defence of the Crusaders mixed with the flair of the Blues), Tim again for ref abuse (and it was a girl. He said afterwards he has not regrets and will continue to do it all season. Is this London's angry Joe?), Paul for not bleeding (he bled every game of last season), Josh's bridesmaid fine (two assists and no try), and Nathan for getting boozed the night before the game, waking up with a cut foot and black eye (ruleing him out of the game), and not remembering how it happened. Every player with a girlfriend also copped a fine as we built up the first game of the season to be compulsory for all girlfriends. Two of them came at different times only to leave again cause there were no other girlfriends, with two others getting lost for over an hour only to turn up just as the game finished.

All in all a good start to the season. After one game the London Stallions are on top of the table and long may it last. Until the end of the season report...