Friday, April 30, 2010

For your friday viewing pleasure

Here

A scanned complete set of Italia90 trading cards. Damn, when the did the 90s become the 70s - check out those hair styles.

Bonus points for anybody who can identify the closest likeness to Ben Brooks.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Heard on the sidelines #5

"**** ****** Stallions **** *** defence **** ****** wheres the ***** midfield, **** you referee, you cant *****see that from down there, what the **** are you doing! You are a ******* ****. **** this, I'm going on and I'm going to play ****** striker!, ******, 'SUB!' ... ***** *****!!! ***** ********!!!

Corey on his way to becoming the first ever non-player (well, he limped on for a bit, conceded a couple of goals) to recieve the pony. His response: 'What the ****! I get this for showing more ******* aggression then any of you ***** on the field. Get ******"

Charming.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

At least we took our loss gracefully, though this does sound Stallions-like.

For the second time this season Stoke City have been left to deal with the fallout from an ugly dressing-room row after Abdoulaye Faye allegedly punched Glenn Whelan in the face after Sunday's 7-0 thumping at Chelsea.

The latest altercation is said to have taken place after an alleged row between Faye and Whelan in the dressing room at half-time erupted again at the final whistle, although the seeds for the argument had been sown before a ball had even been kicked. Whelan, 26, was apparently frustrated with Faye's attitude before the game because the Senegalese had been the only player taking part in a warm-up drill in the dressing room prior to kick-off wearing flip-flops rather than boots.

Heard on the Sidelines #3

Tangihaere (pregame): 'We've got the best defence in the league'.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

University Stallions 2 V University 4th XI 4

Anzac weekend saw the Stallions receive a major blow to their title aspirations and lose their first match of the season to the University 4th XI at Kelburn Park. The game was played at the Stallion's reserve ground due to the construction of a new 15,000 seater stand being erected at Stadio De la Narinville, which will increase capacity to 50,000 and generate revenue for the club.

In team news, Joe Fogarty was back after his successful vasectomy operation, with Lloyd "Lamps" Davies returning upon completing his loan spell at Chelsea. Graham Mann missed a second match in succession, still nursing his hairdo and Spencer Wong could not shake a troublesome leg injury sustained in the win against Nth Wellington.

A minute silence was well observed by both set of fans prior to kickoff in remembrance of NZ servicemen who had fallen in previous conflicts.

What was to follow was something not too dissimilar to the damage sustained by Kiwi soldiers at ANZAC Cove and Paschendale, as from the outset the Stallions were on the backfoot. With their opponents controlling possession and tempo well, the Stallions struggled to create much in the attacking third, living off scraps, and giving the ball away often due to poor option taking and pressure applied by the Uni 4th's.

The Stallions defence was kept busy for the first half conceding a number of corners, and struggling with the pace of the opposing strikers. This pressure led to the first goal around the 1/2 hour mark as T.Walker 'Texas Ranger' tracked a through ball pursued by a Uni 4ths striker. Sheparding the ball towards the sideline just outside his box, the normally reliable Walker had a mind explosion and tried to cut the ball back towards his goal. To the horror of Stallions fans the ball stuck in Walker's feet and fell for the Uni 4th's striker who slotted the ball past stranded Stallion's keeper, Paul Kilford. 1-0 Uni 4ths.

At the halftime break the Stallions were still in the game. However, from the restart the Uni 4th's unleashed a ferocious battery, the likes of which not been seen since the Battle of the Somme. The Stallions immediately conceded two quick goals, effectively ending the game as a contest.

The second goal came in the 3rd minute of the second half. A midfield break lead to a through ball to a Uni 4th's striker. The striker managed to get goalside of his marker Aitofi (who until that point had played superbly) and there was nothing Kilford could do. 2-0 Uni 4th's.
Two minutes later the Stallions were outflanked on the right, and another through ball found a Uni 4th's player who drilled the ball through Kilford's legs. 3-0 Uni 4th's

The Stallion's troops marshalled well and went to a more attacking formation, playing three in defence. They pulled one back on the hour mark from a set piece situation. Stallions midfielder Sawyer launched a shell in to the box and found the head of utility Mead who did well to obscure the vision of the keeper and glance the ball in to the back of the net. 3-1 Uni 4th's.

The tide began to turn, and the Stallions began to enjoy the lion's share of possesion. The opponents were pushed back to a more defensive position as the Stallions pressed. Half chances were created for McCleary and Hinkels but no goal was forthcoming. With time running out Mead went on a typically surging midfield run. After beating six defenders Mead had amazing presence of mind and passed the ball...in the air. His pass fell in to 'no man's land' between the opposing keeper and Stallion striker Rafa Walker. Both men went up for the ball with Walker enjoying supremacy in the air. The ball lobbed off his head and in to empty net, the keeper well off his line. 3-2 Uni 4th's.

With 5mins left it was 'battle stations' as the Stallions searched for the equalizing goal. They were to be undone by a counter strike on full time as a Uni 4th's attacker cut inside of Bell on the left. The initial shot was well parried by Kilford but it fell nicely for the striker who made no mistake with the follow up. 4-2 Final Score.

There will be much soul searching in the Stallions camp after this loss and fans will be hoping it is merely a blip on the radar.

Attendance: 13 (New club record)

Fantasy Horror

After the points haul of last week, this week there are slim pickings for most of us in the new Stallions fantasy game. But you got to take the good with the bad I guess.

Breaks down like this:
Paul + all defenders get 0 points (+60 mins, -1 for every 2 goals scored against). Panda is the exception, whose 1 bonus point raises him to the lofty heights of 1. And Corey who gets 1 for limping onto the field when goals were not scored. He was definitely out there for 1 goal, was it 2 Corey?).

All mids (except Gus + Paddy) get 2 points (+60 mins). Gus and Paddy score big:
Paddy = 8 (+60 mins = 2, 1 assist = 3, 3bps)
Logan = 12 (+60 mins, 1 midfield goal = 5, 1 assist = 3, 2bps)

Tristin = 2
Rauru = 6 (+60 mins, 1 goal)

So, after 2 weeks the leaderboard is:
Corey 15
Gus 15
Paddy 14

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Is this dude talking about Ballack or Hodges?

Essentially he is an old utility midfielder, a player who can be trusted to make the right pass but who can no longer run for ninety minutes, a player with an ego that demands stroking but increasingly, doesn’t deserve it.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Heard on the sidelines 2:

'And then she said: 'You are not going to soccer in that state are you?'

Soon followed with:

'Its ok, I had 3 Big Macs on the way here'.

Stallions, all class.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

University Stallions 2 V Nth Wellington Varsity 0

Stadio de la Nairnville was bathed in sunshine for the first ever league meeting between these two teams. With the playing surface in perfect condition, a high quality game was expected from both side's loyal supporters.
The unbeaten Stallions made three changes from the team that downed Marist the week previous, Bob Hinkels came in for Joe Fogarty who was out for family reasons. Hinkels, who just hours before had signed a lucrative sponsorship deal with Hallensteins, was sporting a new pair of playing shorts for the match. T. Walker 'Texas Ranger' was recalled from the Stallions reserves to replace Graham Mann who ruled himself out on the morning of the match with a dislocated hairdo. Stallions star midfielder, Lloyd Lampard was on loan with Chelsea playing in their crunch game with Tottenham.

From the kickoff both teams looked to attack, with the Stallions fashioning the better chances. Stallions keeper Paul Kilford had little to do in the first half, with the Stallions back four of Bell, T. Walker, Aitofi and Lister dealing comfortably with most of Nth Wgtn's advances.

The Stallions were guilty of giving away possesion cheaply for much of the first half, too often relying on their direct style of attack. The Nth Wgtn attackers looked comfortable playing the slow build up, keeping the ball well at times. White and Sawyer were kept busy in the centre of midfield trying to keep tabs on their larger counterparts.

The dead lock was broken in the 25th minute (approx) when a goal mouth scrambled ensued from a Stallions corner. Lister's thunderous 6yd drive from a McCleary knock down was initially parried by the previously unemployed Nth Wgtn keeper. The ball fell invitingly for 'Johnny on the spot' Bell, who rammed it home with his knob at the Lucknow Terrace end for his 5th Stallions goal. Last season's FIFA Stallions Player of the Year looks to carry on from last year's effort and continue to score goals with all parts of the anatomy - bar his feet.

Buoyed by the goal, the Stallions looked to play the ball along the ground more and looked likely to steal another. Good chances were squandered by Stallion strikers McCleary and Rafa Walker, and so the home side went to the break 1-0 to the good.

After the half time debrief, the Stallions were again slow to get into the second half, with Nth Wgtn almost scoring in the opening minutes. The visitors sent more men forward, employing two attacking wide men. This left space open in the middle of the park and the Stallions were then under siege from the skilful Nth Wgtn attacking midfielders.

The Stallions then went defensive with almost all players in their own half defending at times. Playing on the counter, the home side fashioned chances for McCleary and Rafa Walker. These chances were duly wasted prompting Bell to offer his services up front for the out-of-sorts McCleary. McCleary has been fined heavily for his performance after staying out all night before the match partying.

A break down the left by Stallions utility, Logan Mead fed another Stallions utility Sawyer, on the left hand edge of the Nth Wgtn box. Sawyer played the ball past defender Monty Panesar who could only stick out a leg to catch the Stallions utility. Referee Lachlan Poll already had the whistle in his mouth for what was a clear penalty. Sawyer admitted later to making a meal of the dive, however there was no doubt and Panesar was the only Nth Wgtn player to complain.

Rafa Walker, who at the pre-match press conference told all present he would be taking the season's penalty kicks, sent the keeper the wrong way with a nicely taken penalty, curled low to the left post. Stallions 2-0 (68th min) approx...

Trench warfare then ensued with T. Walker 'Texas Ranger' leading the charges, ably supported by Kilford who commanded his area with authority in the second half. Referee Poll played about 10mins of injury time, obviously not wanting to give the whistle up. When the whistle finally did go, the Stallions were relieved men, after being outplayed for large parts of the game they had held on for a hard earned three points. Player/Manager Rafa Walker will be concerned at the number of missed chances so far, although the Stallions can boast the league's best defensive record at present.

Stallions fans are daring to dream now with their side in second place after making their best ever start to a league season since the 1905 'Invincibles'.

Attendance: 7 and a dog...

Fantasy Stallions Football

Ok, looking forward to the first match report by Stevie G which I see half finished in the drafts section. Like the other Stallions playing Fantasy EPL, Sunday morning our minds switch from Stallions to fantasy points. As I sit around waiting for Match of the Day to see my boy Gareth Bale clean up Chelsea and keep me at the top of the table, I thought it might be funny to apply fantasy points to yesterday's Stallions game.

Now, those who have played this game know that there is always a bit of a mystery about fantasy points and how they pan out so may not be truly reflective of what happened and probably wildly inaccurate. But who cares - oh yeah, we need bonus points which I have made up and may not reflect the MVP points we finally come up with.

The other contentious one is what positions we are playing in - ie defenders get clean sheet points - but you need to play at least 60 mins. Who the hell can work that out - except in yesterday's case of the unnamed Stallion who started at right back who played for about 15 mins then subbed off - no clean sheet points for him! Should be bonus points for keeping the subs rolling though!

Ok, so just for f**king round value:

Paul: 10 (+60 mins, clean sheet, +3 saves, 3bps)
Tangihaere 7 (+60 mins, clean sheet, 1 bp)
Jason 6 (+60 mins, clean sheet)
Corey 14 (+60 mins, clean sheet, defender's goal, 2bps)
Panda 6 (+60 mins, clean sheet)
Aaron 6 (+60 mins, MF clean sheet, assist*)
Nick 3 (+60 mins, MF clean sheet)
Paddy 6 (+60 mins, MF clean sheet, assist*)
Robin 3 (+60 mins, MF clean sheet)
Spencer 2 (MF clean sheet - surely less than 60 mins played!)
Logan 3 (+60 mins, MF clean sheet)
Rauru 6 (+60 mins, goal)
Tristin 2 (Damn lucky there ain't minus points!)
Loki 100 (brilliant guest ref)

And Rauru - no - you do NOT get double points for being captain!

Assists are always the tricky one in fantasy points, but lucky the stipulated rules cover yesterdays:

Aaron - 'If a goalkeeper does not have control of the ball and parries a shot or drops a cross or the ball rebounds off the woodwork, the attacking player shooting or crossing the ball receives the assist if a goal directly ensues.'

Paddy - more unbelievably - 'In the event of a penalty, the player earning the penalty gets an assist if it is successfully scored, but not if he takes it himself in which case no assist is given. No assist is given for a player who earns a free kick that subsequently results in a goal.' But by earning do they mean diving? Think you are lucky there Paddy.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Heard On The Sidelines #1

The first in a new series:

Julia: 'Yes, Paddy didn't provide Jack with the best genetic materials ...'

How the tide turns - Graham can no longer be called the genetically inferior one.

And polls on goal of the season and the new miss of the season to the left. They will work like last year - each time a new contender comes along the poll be updated and you will can reconsider your vote.

And apologies Lloyd - that should be 'less shit' - I'm sure you have done some les shit in your time, but this is the wrong website.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

C'mon it wasn't this bad


But 005 does apologise for bringing the Stallions into disrepute by diving in the box yesterday - a poor and embarrassing attempt. But funny - everyone was laughing except for the angry defender and Paddy who was claiming the penalty.

Nice commentary - if only I had heard it yesterday morning: 'Oh, he went down almost posthumously. That was an outrageous dive ... if he was caught and to persuade the referee he had to go down immediately, not 4 or 5 paces later ... Full censure, if not ridicule, that's a disgrace really.'

I've always liked Gilardino ...

But then again, I'm sure in the end Tristin shamed the Stallions more.

Friday, April 9, 2010

Hodges, Hodges give us a wave


(Photo: Ben practices his patented arms, leg and pout tackle technique)

That stale old smell may have cleared, but something still ain't right at the start of the new season. Its going to be hard to adjust to a Benless Stallions. And no word from the big guy yet - even with the chance to hassle Rauru's drunken master tape. So come on Ben, let us know how the search for a new team went, how you are umm fitting in, and how the first game of the season went ...

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Game week 1

Arrgh, an annoying one huh Stallions - 2-0 up at halftime whopping it up, but then ... no match report (can you be bothered doing them Corey? Anyone else?), but not a bad start, made some good chances, and it was great to be out there running around in green & gold again (and extra good to have Nick there running wild).

Nice to have a beer after the game, but we got to start with the awards etc. Hows about this - people should nominate Stallion/pony moments and we can vote on them, and I say we let the ringins Ben B & Gus decide on MVP points (email them to me).

For me:
Stallion - Nick - the returning Stallion
Pony - Panda - a hell of a game, but that open goal was terrible (not that one, the earlier one) ...
Pony - Paddy - our first kickoff of the season calling for the Stallions move.
Pony - Paul - forgetting the headband & pony on his return to the team - disrespect.

Anyone else got anything?

Lots of draws in the grade - Raiders got hammered, looks like Lower Hutt are shaping up as contenders. Results here

Div 7 Yellow Fever forum up and running if anyone wants to contribute. Interesting to hear that the Uni 4th team has a few disgruntled ex-elite players.

Update - here's the Elite match report - and once again, its full of crap: 'As the game kicked off we were all over them like a fat kid on a cupcake', 'This led to the Stallions grabbing two very cheap goals' - No wonder Corey hates them, and their players left ...

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Comings & Goings - the rest

Game day - Go the Stallions - for once we have managed to put out a team on Easter, and a good one. Crush the Elite!

With the rush of game week I didn't even get to finish Comings & Goings - so it is more like some goings and no comings (though there are substantial ones) ...

And following public pressure I have deleted all offending video content (not GMan's bowling - thats classic!)

Good luck Stallies, let us know how you got on.