Stallions 3 - 0 Marist

In the white corner: Crowey, 40m volley guy, the viking, bearded Number 7 and second half goalie.
In the black corner: Milky on the break and the volley, Rauru dominating in the air, on the flop n flap, and into the top corner, and Heath relishing free rein in the middle of the park.

It barely got easier after they were down to ten, and they gave it all for 15 minutes after the break. Quite some relief when Milky extended the lead in typical style: deft control of aerial ball then left foot volley into the the top corner. Rauru continued to trouble Marist in the air (and the refs patience!) but definitely had the last laugh with a cracking goal from 15 yards into the top left corner.

At three nil Marist slumped a little and we started knocking the ball around nicely, creating some space for Nick, G and Tim to start knocking it around and Paddy to surge forward ever optimistic!

Notable appearance from Timmy off the bench for first appearance of the season. Some nice touches, flashy dummy to cross move, and good tracking of the beardy pacey play maker.

Now a bye to rest the bodies before the final two games against Upper Hutt on the Maidstone turf and promotion contenders Olympic.

Goals - Steve 2 and Rauru (assists?)
Pony - Danno's horrible short range free kick, or Paddy's horrible long range free kick..
Stallion - DC for ensuring first clean sheet of the season, or Timmy for surviving intact his first appearance of the season..

Not heard on the sidelines #1

That f**ken Brooklyn victory song.

Stallions 3 - 3 Brooklyn 2nds (the haiku version)

Stallies down two nil
Steve "I don't miss penalties"
Three all like a win

Ninja: Matt Rowe the sniper
Yakuza: Matt Ryan the enforcer
Samurai:  Mus with thoughts back home, holds together back four

Stallions 3 - 2 Uni Thirds

Back on track! Proving the north result was a blip, an aberration, the Cap 3 equivalent of Mexico breaking their 22 game undefeated streak with a 7-0 thrashing by Chile!

It seems the thirds had targeted us as the game to keep them safely above us for the season. As they wore themselves out warming up, we meditated on that for deep motivation. And jogged a couple half laps.

Tellingly, the back four were still essentially warming up to the task (mea culpa) when a fast break up the right saw a misfit cross fall directly into the path of the thirds danger man Matt up front, and DCs first touch was picking it up out of the far corner of the net.

Five minutes later we were up 2-1 and the very early season cricketers in the nets were heard to ask Paul: whadda ya reckon the final score will be? Two assists in two minutes from Nick and well taken goals from Steve on the break and Jules on the half volley from 25 yards. Ole'!

The thirds looked a little brittle in the middle at the back and the 3-1 half time lead could easily have been more with a good save on the line to a Heath header off a corner, and Steve (I just can't get a hattrick this year) Davey rounding the keeper to hit the far post and back across the goal. (Not a bad problem that; bit like Bevan Congdon's reported weakness in the mid 170s in the 1973 tour of England. )

Second half was harder work. I think the wind changed. The thirds midfield certainly did, with the fresh faced kid with the undercut on after being benched first half for turning up late (but before most if not all of the stallions I suspect.. ) Fitness may have been a factor too.

They made more chances than us, and may ultimately feel a bit gutted with the score especially after Big red bearded Kev up front has his pen and rebound batted away by Paul. One well taken goal after Dan was out gassed on a long ball for a byline cross right into Kev's path four yards out.

Excellent tenacity to hang on, and another solid all around effort. Special mention to Nick for the rare appearance of his stand on the ball step over move a little after The two assists, and lots of running in the second half.

Pony contenders: Gerlald Joe for hamstring twang repetition, Paddy for screaming at Graham to recover shape after he'd stopped to check on Jules' little Florence after rhino-ini one into her head from close range, Carrick/ Steve for the friendly fire incident when milky was shooting from the edge of the box into an otherwise empty net.

Goals: Steve 2 (Nick, ?), Jules (Nick)

Stallions: DC for going full Peter Schmeichel by saving the pen, then unlocking the cheat code to enable levitating flying squirrel mode and deny big Kev on the follow up.

Stallion or pony worthy for Rauru for fronting with a hangover, fessing up, but tearing into it second half?

Stallions 1-7 Norths 2nds

Down 0-1 at half time, the stallies apparently lay back and thought of England in the second half..

Was it tactical? Thinking of the war next week against the Thirds, not the battle against the runaway league leaders perhaps?

Goal to Milky, assist?

Stallions caption contest - winner plays striker on the weekend

Class of '92 down Bieber clone army 4-3

Carefree, wherever we may be!

We are the famous varsity!

Would have been a worthy occasion for a sing, if any one had the energy, or could remember all the words :-) 

Tremendous day over in the 'rapa with beautiful weather, a nearly full roster of stallion kids in tow (whose average age was comfortably closer to the Bieber clone army that the stallions average age is) and a special guest appearance from Phillip Lawrence Bak, ye-ahhh.

Paul Ifill's academy boys must've been wondering what the margin would be as 6 stallions lined up for handshakes, with Heath having just arrived, a few late deep heat leg rubs, and Milky seizing on the optimal time to try fix the broken stud thread in his boots. (Already both stallion and pony worthy efforts here, as Heath who told his wife and kids he was off to the supermarket and disappeared from the in laws in The Hawkes Bay for 6 hours; and Steve who not only had broken boots but also a rather ripe shirt, unwashed from last week, and scraped out of his kit bag.

After withstanding a fast starting BCA, we broke up the right with good interplay from Rauru and Carrick leading to defensive confusion in clearing the cross and Jules making a well timed and long run to smack home from close range. 1-0 up was not a score I think many of us were expecting!

The BCA were playing well to the very wide pitch, switching well through the midfield and looking to release the fast and dangerous target man up front (Josh, I think, aka #15). He swivelled and shot well for their first goal, and then pushed the ball back out to set up a switch and through ball for their second. Before he knew it, Paddy had three Biebers coming onto him, and was so confident in DC's keeping that was later admitted: as soon as I saw the through ball, I thought 'goal'.

Into the break at 2-1 down with the momentum with the Biebers and a little apprehension given their second half performance at KP when they pulled away from 0-0 to win 3-0 in the first game of the season. A very different second half this time, as they seemed to struggle into the breeze, and the midfield needle definitely tipped towards the stallies as Jules and Lloyd asserted themselves.

Dan and Tangihaere found a way to each play their preferred style, and resolve the question of man marking vs. sweeping: Dan marked the increasingly stroppy #15 with Tangi holding down the fort. One suspects Tangi may very have very well enjoyed Dan being too out of breath to talk most of the second half..

Big games from Rauru, Heath and Carrick in terms of ground covered, and with Milky looking dangerous as ever (and this half in borrowed boots with a full set of studs) we really started to take the game to them. A classic counter-punch goal from a 'long ball' (welly out of the back), and a Carrick flick-on, saw Milky lift it over the stranded keeper: 2-2. 

Carrick got the third with a well taken finish 10 yards out, following a press up the left side and we couldn't quite believe it! Could we play smart and hang on for the win? More twists lay ahead... 

The Beebs continued to press and some committed defending from Gerald saw him strain a hammie and gave Bakky - our only sub - the signal. Fresh off a flight from Sydney, and a quick stop at his Dad's on the way to the game to pick up a slab of Tuis, Bakky confessed he wasn't "that fit by my standards" hadn't kicked a ball in a while, and used an entire roll of strapping tape on each ankle before the game. Ominous.

His first touch was a nice one-touch pass. His second drew the largest roar of the day from the Memorial Park grandstand. After rebuffing another Beiber advance, the ball was cleared to a still retreating PLB who let the ball roll and turned on halfway with no one within 20m of him. A side step, quick look up and then boom - Bakky lying face down on the turf as the ball trickled way. The mother of all snipers!!

P.Bakky picked himself back up and assumed the position more up front with Rauru pushing wider out left. The clone army continued to push and on another day might have had a penalty after Heath went shoulder to shoulder with #15 as he was about to shoot from close range. The floppy haired lad flopped and writhed and the ref sprinted over. And told him to get up and stop the theatrics. Maybe a bit of a case of boy that cried wolf.

They finally drew level with the fastest hit shot I think I've ever seen as their big midfielder broke through with a well timed run and drilled first time into the bottom corner. Paul was probably lucky not to get in the way of it.

Stay with me dear reader, as we are both tiring in the writing and reading of this now, it was nothing compared to the stallies as they now focused on holding on for a point...

And then Lo, the Lord said let their me light - low angled and straight across the ground so you couldn't see to the right hand side. So the stallies pushed left. And somehow Bakky finds the ball at his feet 8 yards out, with back to goal. A boggle of the knee, and then. Sweet little ball out to Paddy outside the edge of the box. In soo mo the stallies turned as one and watched the wee man rip stick one into the very top corner of the old onion bag.

For a while there it had the Manchester United at home feeling, with the referees time stretching on, and on, and on... But thankfully no penalty and we'd done it! A result no one would have dared suggest before kick off, or even at half time. A really great team effort, with absolutely everyone contributing at a high level and the team working well together.

Great after match with all the families, and Dan, Carrick and Milky called in to see Postie crooning at the White Swan in Greytown on the way home.

Magic.

Goals: Julian (Rauru), Carrick (Steve?), Steve( Carrick), Patrick (Bakky)
Pony: Bakky (though Rauru very close for the Haka / Marcel Marceau beach ball act after his "nothing but ball" challenge..
Stallion: Bakky for flying in from Australia to be the one sub,give it 100% for 20 minutes in his first run all year, and tee-up the winning goal.

Stallions 2 - 3 Olympic

The curse of the turf continues, with a hard fought and narrow loss to the Greeks. The spirit of the game was considerably fairer than the conditions, as the small weather window in an otherwise dreadful day slammed shut with about 20 minutes to go.

Unfortunately this coincided with us having to chase the game at 2-3 down after losing our 2-1 half time lead. A committed second half defensive effort, with the two goals conceded being a very well taken no look swivel volley and a direct free kick past the wall and under the bar. Despite a few half chances and some very light on his feet forays into the box from Steve 'I don't miss pens' Davey, we couldn't find an equaliser.

The boring option for stallion would be Steve for clinically finishing his two one on ones (one of which may even have been onside!)

But what about Graham for that tremendous rhino hit!! (And was it actually outside the box???) Super effort overall from G, who got a late nod to keep (3:20pm). Raring to go after the bye then work commitments kept him out last week, first time in goal this year, to make a string of tremendous saves, including close range diving efforts at the start of both halves, one fully legit double save special, and plucking a swirler out of the top left corner. You totally kept us in it G.

No ridiculous pony worthy moments were there? A possible repetition fine for Gerald after another winding/ body blow incident. And the curious incident of Mus being called for a second foul throw for foot off the ground, when, as far as I could tell, he was standing dead still with both feet on the ground...

Despite the result, a pretty good feeling in the shed afterwards, buoyed up by Heath as always. A much more positive sense after a full round than after the first three games eh boys! Great to see the stallies approach continuing, with three half time subs last week and Lloydo showing the way by subbing today despite his usual strong midfield presence, and Briony having just turned up to watch.

The second round presents the very achievable challenge of clawing a few rungs higher into the pretty even mid table. Let's start well against the Bieber clone army next week. Speaking of which, where's Bakky starting?

Goals: Milky (Lloyd), Milky (Heath?)

Stallies 4 - 4 Upper Hutt

A tremendous crowd pleasing second half of two halves saw the stallies extend their unbeaten run to four weeks* with a hard fought 4-4 draw against a remarkably unbogan like Upper Hutt.

Gus told me I was stallion but I don't remember what for. Tangihaere picked up the pink for a wee back pass / through ball. Report from me as an act of contrition for going full Mr. Happy on poor Tangi over the merits of man marking vs sweeping. Sorry pal!

Stallies down 1-2 down at half time after Carrick demonstrated the correct response to a marginal pony call by scoring in the pink (ooh err..) with a well taken first time chip, and we conceded from a couple of goal mouth melees.

I must've suppressed the first half of the second half which saw us 2-4 down - was it Gus who scored into the far post from the right hand side?? It was all warm up for the real talking point, with the ref awarding us two pens in the last 10 minutes, duly dispatched by Steve.

UH will have felt hard done by with the result, and we definitely got a reprieve. But let's bank the point on focus on pushing into mid table, and gap the bottom two.

Heard on sidelines: ref to paddy at the end "so that's 5-4 to them, eh?" Not clear if this means the last (Gus flop) penalty was the refs equivalent of a sympathy f*ck..

*ok this does include the bye but hey..

Goals(assists): Carrick (Dan), Gus?, Milky (pen), Milky (pen/Gus)

Approach from Island Bay

Just approached by Nic Goodall (Island Bay) > as Cap Football had informed him that Island Bay needed to progress a transfer for "Steve Davey", found within a list of players that Cap Football believed had been playing for the Bay in 2016 or were requesting to now register with Island Bay.

News to me!! Told them they would need to come back to me with a significant $ offer!


Further discussion turned to Nic Goodall inquiring if the Stallions might entertain his return to be a Stallion in 2017 ?

For the FPL Stallions: FPL Season Round Up

The 2015/2016 FPL season has finished. And it was a good one, well at least at the top which went right to the wire. But as should always happen, Good triumphed over evil, the fans were appeased, the crown returned to the King.

From top to bottom:

Player: Aaron

Team: Staccies

2016: Champion

History: 4 time champ

Unlike the EPL, the powerhouse, bookie’s favourite, won the FPL. Why not? Has won 4 out 6 seasons (not enough room on the sleeves for all those stars). This is the name other teams whisper in fear at night. Survived a dodgy start (remember this Rauru? - http://unistallions.blogspot.co.nz/2015/08/fantasy-epl.html) but took the lead 3/4 through and never relented. Never in doubt. Virtually unbeatable. Did rely on the help of Payet: 2 big captain hauls at key moments (one triple captain to counter Gerald’s bench boost).

EPL-alike: Chelsea (just not this season’s version): Arrogant, dirty, talks it up, hated by all teams (but secretly admired), history shows a couple of missteps, but always odds on to win in a canter. Draws all the neutrals, the shirt sponsorships and tv rights.

Player: Heath

Team: Nosejobs

2016: Runner up

History: 2 x runner up

As with the real Stallions, arrived with swagger into FPL with a bunch of new players (Gerald, Tim) to blow away most of the original players. Dangerous: a bit of a wildcard, makes some crazy choices, many of which come off. But his regular bridesmaid-to-Aaron status is something most other teams can only dream of. This season he nearly pulled off a final game miracle. Facing a 50 point deficit, he captains Mane, brings in Giroud, and ends up cutting that lead to a dangerously close 15 points. As Aaron got negative points as Smalling scored an oggie, all looked like the season might be over. Oh yes, and where did he come from this season? Rauru, remember this? - http://unistallions.blogspot.co.nz/2015/08/fantasy-epl.html

EPL-alke: Arsenal (F**kers)

Player: Gerald

Team: Palmy13
2016: 3rd

History: 1 x runnerup, 2 x 3rd

The thinking man’s team. Throughly researched, smart moves, somehow managed to patiently save his wildcard for the final game (how did that work out for you G? EPIC FAIL!) - but boring, lacking the high-risk approach of Heath who he is consistently fighting with for 2nd and 3rd. Terrible end of season - was playing for first with 2 games to go, had all the advantages - but choked  - not only lost the battle for first, but watched as Heath stole second place on the final day. Yes, its obvious who the EPL-alike is:

EPL-alike: Tottenham

Player: Nick

Team: South Coast Taniwha

2016: 4th

History: 2nd (twice), 3rd (3 times)

Tradition. This is Nick’s 10th FPL season (far more than the other Stallions). Congratulations! A decade of mediocrity! Has never won the Stallions League (and the fact that he does much better in the Island Bay leagues illustrates the relative IQs of both clubs). You never know what you are going to get from Nick: hints of brilliance but then some absolute, absolute shite. Almost feels like he will be a contender, but then inevitably falls away - probably as a result of wasting time on endless twitter battles with Rauru. His FPL style is much like his infamous ‘I fell in the duckshit’ penalty fail for the Stallions.

EPL-alike: Stoke (a-lona). Tradition - the oldest surviving team in the EPL, impossible to know who is going to show up, and he has an embarrassing man crush on Arnautovic.

Player: Tim

Team: White Line Fever

2016: 5th

History: 1 x champion

Won the league on his debut season, blowing everyone away. Looked like a new force had arrived, but has suffered the indignity of mid table finishes ever since. A far better player than Nick and really should be finishing higher than him. Led the league for parts of the season, always looked like he was going to pounce. Plays with resolve and determination. Will argue for weeks why a particular player will score soon (discussing formations, pitch conditions, top 40 singles), but perhaps outplays/nutmegs himself. 

EPL-alike: Leicester (in about 3 years). After a believe-it-or-not winning season has dropped down to be average at best, always dining out on the ‘good old days’ stories of the 13/14 season. May end up running a pub with Jamie Vardy (no bouncers required there).

---

This is the point where if we had relegation, it would kick in. Wouldn’t that be hilarious - especially Rauru having to go play in the championship for a season.

Player: Logan

Team: Cheong Ju Tigers
2016: 6th

History: last, last, relegated/did not play, 2nd to last, 2nd to last, 3rd to last.

I guess that history makes this Logan’s most successful season yet! Congrats! Oh yes, do we remember this - http://unistallions.blogspot.co.nz/2015/08/fantasy-epl.html
Started the season on fire - but that is because it was such a topsy turvy period which rogue, wildcard actions actually stood a chance. Red arrows pretty much ever since, well at least until Rauru started spending 100s of transfer points in a desperate attempt to look like he didn’t give a shit any more. Logan tries the same game: he’s always apparently too busy, he didn’t have time, he forgot - but somehow transfers seemed to be made. Next season I propose we set up an average dummy team in GW1, make no transfers all season, and I bet it beats Logan. But he’s funny as hell, and brings necessary humour to the game.

EPL-alike - these guys, since its just too easy to say Norwich (and I feel kind of sad for Norwich):

Player: Rauru

Team: #Stallions

2016: 7th

History: 1 x champion, runnerup (twice)

A stain on this fine game, an embarrassment to that team name. Talks the most smack, but delivers the least results. In fairness, at least he kept the banter going all season ever when it was clear where he was going to finish. A once proud, championship winning side in tatters. Spent weeks saying he had unearthed a fpl gem player, kept this secret for ages, and then told us it was ... wait for it ... wait for it ... Scott Sinclair. Sums up his season and the vision right there.

There is only one possible EPL-alike - Newcastle (not that excellent final game Newcastle who would have put 5 past any team in Europe). The comparsison is both in the team (ugly, aggressive, painful to watch), and its star player - Rauru’s self destruction over the last couple of game weeks is much like Mitrovich in the Spurs game: scores a goal, an assist, then blatantly tries to break someone’s leg, gets sent off, walks off swearing at everyone, taking a swing at his own players. Class.

Player: Graham

Team: Tractor Boys

2016: Last

History: 2nd to last, 3rd to last, last, last, last ( I see a pattern forming)

We all know that Graham is a legit genius, but what the hell is up with this? He doesn’t seem to be playing (10 transfers all season - Rauru’s done that many before breakfast), but then suddenly he plays - when it seems there is a chance to beat Logan or Rauru. He is a genius and he is competitive  - total f**ken enigma. He might be running this whole game/world as far as I know. He certainly could dedicate his non-shaving time to team selection - perhaps that way he would not be so bad. 

EPL-alike: Aston Villa (he is so Aston Villa he made this comparison himself on twitter, but I guess when you support Ipswich in real life you will take anything.)

In fairness though, as this table from the end of the 2011(?) season shows, Graham didn’t finish last when the other Stallions used to play - who is that Indifferent player right down the bottom there? And who is this Miracle of Istanbul? Maybe a return from relegation for these and other new players next season? You will end up somewhere below Heath, Gerald, Tim, but above Nick, Rauru and Logan. 

#	Team	Manager	GW	TOT
	1	005	Aaron L	51	2,151
	2	Poroufessor	Rauru Walker	56	1,970
	3	koomes	Daniel Wharakura	50	1,968
	4	Porirua City	Jason Aitofi	23	1,943
	5	South Coast Taniwha	Nick Goodall	43	1,772
	6	Miracle of Istanbul	Patrick Sawyer	56	1,765
	7	Portman Rd Plodders	Graham Mann	55	1,735
	8	LL	Lachlan Lepper	32	1,643
	9	Team Indifferent	Paul Kilford	19	1,449

Until next season ... Rauru, since your EPL predictions were SO off target again, maybe you should start the fpl season with some prediction?

God is there really a blog tag 'Aaron wins again' - I'll use that one (its just above 'Aaron bowls pies'.

Final standings:

	#	Team	Manager	GW	TOT
	1	Staccies	Aaron L	42	2,233
	2	Nosejobs	heath smith	77	2,218
	3	Palmy13	Gerald Joe	54	2,200
	4	South Coast Taniwha	Nick Goodall	56	2,143
	5	White line Fever	Tim Robinson	45	2,131
	6	Cheong Ju tigers	Logan Mead	34	1,995
	7	#Stallions	Rauru Walker	45	1,944
	8	Tractor Boys	Graham Mann	51	1,622

Stallions 5 - 1 Marist

Terrific result in the weekend fellas, and great to get two in a row!

Some excellent finishing - and delivery for headed goals - with Milky's promotion to up front proving very effective. We got the wobbles a little after their sensational header to blind volley from 30 yards wonder goal, but very pleasing how we then got it back together and took it away from them. (Actual signs of fitness??)

Nice that a wee group stuck around for a post match beer in the Marist club rooms - let's try keep this up as a nice way to regroup and award pony/ stallion.

Bravo to Carrick in taking one for the team and playing in the midfield again. Insult to injury old chap, but you've been ponified (a weaker form of beatified, though not requiring a miracle and death). Line call, but you've been pinged for standing on the ball and falling over in open play. (To the Masterton boys, this is called "DCing it" after Paul famously snapped his ankle on a 5cm raised platform on his first day in a summer job). Runner up points to milky for arriving ten seconds before kick off, Paddy for "it wasn't really handbags, more like purses" describing an altercation, Gus for the Johnny Wilkinson psyche up on a corner which was toe poke-sliced straight out?

Stallion? Milky for his triple fake shot, then into the bottom corner? Gus for taking one in the business then carrying on to shoot and score? Paul for another one on one double block at 2-1?

Enjoy the bye this weekend, do try to stretch the legs a little, or spend some quality time with the kids practising your nutmegs (Paddy..) Next up Upper Hutt at KP in two weeks, with Aaron and Gerald (and Heath?) likely back in the mix. Tangi, Mus - you've got two weeks to grow your beards into something suitable for taking up defensive place alongside Graham, Dan and Gus!

Goals: Milky (2), Rauru (2), Gus (1).
Assists: Dan (Gus), Julian (R1) ???

Heard on the Sidelines #3781

"Did the ref not call that offside? I could have scored that I just didn't try."

 This was the first half one that hit the outside of the post, not the second half one that was put straight into the keeper from point blank range. ;)

Stallions 3 Petone 1

Lets talk through all of those beautiful goals:

Lloyd a towering header from a pinpoint Paddy corner

Milky a piledriver left footer which must have almost broke the net - was there an assist here?

Carrick a glorious header across the goalmouth leaving tiny keeper stranded, off another great Paddy cross.

Some of the best goals scored by Stallions surely? In terms of quality but also importance.

Other talking points?

- Paul, with nothing much too, watching the league next door, comes out of his box to claim a grubber .... Its okay, because as Logan kept insisting 'He didn't touch it ref, he didn't touch it'. How was that not a card.

- Milky continually testing the keeper - one blasted from point blank range right into his hands, another reverse bicycle which hit the crossbar, not to mention another which thinking he was offside (but it wasn't called) 'just lost concentration' and gave up.

- Logan nuts-ing his marker by blasting the ball right through the upper thigh area, collecting a few dangling body parts on the way.

- Ballboy Heath slipping over on the cricket block and just about breaking his other wrist.

- After the game the Petone coach gently persuading us to change clubs - promising that we would play on better fields than Kelburn Park - WHAT? We love the KP carpet.

- And, how good was that to see so many Stallion's supporters on the sideline - admittedly it would be better if there were less injured Stallions there, but what a turn out from the stables ...

Brooklyn double punch KOs stallies 4-1

We never did agree a pony in the collective post match sigh, although I did offer myself for an short lived attempt to go 'coast to coast' at 0-3 (my dark clouds brewing goalkeeping alter ego "Mr. Happy" was awoken from a long hibernation after we conceded those two quick goals. Sorry.) 

And while I was prepared to take pony at one point I'm now claiming an immunity idol after Lloydo and I endured the Brooklyn 'song' in the sheds. The only actual words I could make out were "Brooklyn bogans, Brooklyn bogans" and something that sounded strangely like 'tribal chant, tribal twats'. 

Maybe thats just mr happy talking again as the game was actually played in a pretty good spirit and there's no denying the better team won, even if some would argue the score was a little flattering for them. We were right in it at 0-1 at the break but the double punch inside the first five minutes of the restart did for us. The break was strangely scattered - lets get a good huddle on this week, collect and regroup to start strong second half.

Brooklyn's filthy language saw two of them booked for off the ball profanities. Just no place for that on the modern family friendly game. Especially as it clearly distracted the ref who somehow failed to book Paddy for bringing down my tackler (on must have been half way was it?) and the guy who did that 'from behind double raised foot scissor chop' on Kelland.

Speaking of whom, Kelland was my MOTM for energetic running and heaps of little moves to beat his man or create space when he received the ball. Rhune (sp? sorry!) also played really well at right back for half a hour shoring  up the fading defense and launching some threatening late on the day attacks with Paddy. Thanks fellas!

Personal highlight for me was watching Lloydo at full speed sprinting after a through ball with about 15 to go. He appeared to be outrunning his personal

sound barrier - leaning further and further backwards riding the bow wave which threatened to blow him backwards at any second. Keep it up boss.

Fantastic running to the end from Gus and Milky and we deserved our goal, if not a pen for that flop!

Their fourth goal (bouncing ball lob) was a direct result of me feeling very prone to another through ball and coming too far forward only to be caught in no mans land. One on ones from through balls seem so much more dangerous on a fast and true turf surface, making it harder to real guys in, and along the ground shooting is easier too with no boggles, so maybe worth thinking about defending deeper for both the line and the keeper on turf. Kelburn Park should slow things down a bit for us thus week though!

Lloydo for stallion for driving the family to Martinborough Sthen himself back for footie then back again. Apparently Briony was very understanding when he reminded her about football just as he left her in the 'rapa with four kids.

Bring on Petone. Great call from Aaron to recall our collective happy place, and tremendous discount liquor store find there from Heath.

4 games, 0 wins - a tough start. Lets remember the good days of Div 4 domination

Work life pony

There is, it seems, no place in the lofty heights of Capital 3 for the frivolity of a pink head band.

As an alternative punishment, I propose ponies must submit a photo of them in usual work attire, and a typical scene, appropriately accessorised.

And yes, this may affect pony nominations... Lloydo and Heath with the captains of industry, Rauru and Gus in front of a class of kids! DC advising Bill English on tax havens, Aaron beholding the Julian Dashper exhibit.. feel free to go full David Brent 100% dead pan..

Leading off with Pony Daycare

Heard on the sidelines #132917

Paddy to Poppy: 'I see you have been raiding your father's wardrobe again.' I think he was referring to that cute little bunny onesie, but it works just as well for the headband - amirite Dan (how about you talk us through that shot 'on goal' and how it stacks up alongside other pony contenders)?

Perhaps next season we invest in a pink bunny onesie to be worn by the pony in warmups.

Good effort yesterday, tough result. Reckon we just shaded them in the first half, but clearly tired in the second. Bolstered midfield looked real solid, though the formation did make Carrick run all day long - a huge effort. Next week - if we had to chose a team to beat first it would be Brooklyn - lets do them.

Will the headband even fit?

After hearing of my 3-4 week concussion stand-down period, Graham decided to come to the rescue, working with Diego Costa's mask-maker to come up a protective head device, one that was in keeping with the umm, my character.

Nice work Graham.

Week one pony vs Wairarapa

Tangihaere	3 (25%)
Paddy	7 (58%)
Dan	2 (16%)

Votes so far: 12
Poll closed 

Stapled

As a scorer of towering headed goals and king of back flicks to keeper its fair to say I'm out for a few weeks. 9 staples into 2 head wounds, potential ongoing concussion. And all I could think was, there goes ALL that pre season fitness. 2 weeks until the staples to come out, hopefully will be fine to play after that.

Good luck Stallies, I'll get to as many games as I can as a spectator.

Welcome to Div 3 Stallions

0-3, beaten by the Biber clone army. And that excellent older centreback (by older I mean he would be average age in our team), who I'm sure I've seen playing on tv for their firsts, with Ifill.

We decided that since its first game of the season we would do a team vote for the first pony. 3 clear options (don't let the lead image sway your decision - this is bigger than Trump vs Cruz). Votes have to be made by Tuesday, 'winner' needs to have match report ready by Friday. Here goes:

1. Tangihaere - for the first time in Stallions history, a player warms up wearing headphones. Yes, we are in the big leagues, but not that big. The team responded creatively - awarding him the Dick Smith liquidation award, and that knowing T's relationship with technology (his phone ain't that smart, he is still working out what this email thing is etc) joking that the headphones are probably attached to a discman down the front of his pants. Also he left at half time and we conceded three goals.

2. Paddy - Getting owned by the ref. After complaining about yet another offside, the ref marched him over, and in front of a lot of players said something like: 'You can keep complaining or you can try to defend'. He may as well thrown in a Yo Momma joke - though the Rapa boys would be too young to understand the reference.

3. Dan - its a generous team that lets its '3rd choice keeper' play in the outfield, and then even take goal kicks. There is a reason. Spotting Paddy on the right hand touchline, Dan tries to deceive the opposition by using the outside of the foot, with the most predictable of results ...

Okay get your votes in - poll is in the sidebar.

Fun fact - if you do a google image search for toe hack - a picture of the Stallions from the blog is the 15 image that comes up.

Damn - after all of that we never even talked about Stallion moment. Any options?

Interesting - Thirds go down 2-1 to Brooklyn,

Final game of Div 4 vs Wainui, 2015

With 2 hours until kickoff of division 3 2016, it seems that in Injustice of 2015 has been served. Before continuing any further, it should be noted that this blog post has been done using voice to text software and so any mistakes and the writing at to be expected. The Injustice is that a memorable stallions hedrick has gone unrecorded. A certain centre back who was sitting on a doughnut of 0 goals for the season played in the final game of the season and a striking role. Those who will not present would not believe it Mister T Walker was not only capable, but actually managed to score $3 period each of the three goals was as man it was as and memorable as each other darn not have zero goes for the season played in the final game of the season and stroking roll. Those who would not present would not believe that Mr T work I was not only capable, but actually managed to score 3 goals. Each of the three girls was as mine it was a son memorable as each other and soulat. Probably the most funny and stallion like outcome of this game was the fact that despite a hattrick being scored the stallions still managed to go on and lose the game 4 3 2 1 of the bottom teams in the table. Again, the way in which those 4 goals were conceded is largely been lost to the memory of time, however it is fair to say bit each goal was as biggerstaff up as the one that preceded it. 3 of the girls or was it 2 were considered by the food's team Cuba who wouldn't have looked out of place in the stallions goal circa 2004 period the other one or two goals were conceded by the stallion stuffed choice goalkeeper who, along with his Bubblegum hamstrings, managed to break his hand on an opposing players he does in mean time to score yet somehow the referee pulled the gold back and disallowed it for foul play on the keeper. This is as close to a contender for stallions and ponies as we will possibly ever say. In summary, 3 goals were scored by Tony Heidi Emma records should show their period PS I think I have created the new way to write stallions blogs. Voice to text is the way of the future.!

A wikileaks exclusive - previously unseen texts following the Stallion's final game of 2015

Sat, 22 August 16:38
Anonymous 1: 'We're off to the Speight's Ale House. Tangihaere scored a hat trick and we lost 4-3!'

Anonymous 2: 'Bullshot'

Anonymous 2: 'Bullshit'

Sat, 22 August, 17:40
Anonymous 2: 'Still there?'

Anonymous 1: 'Seriously! All thru balls for one on ones. Nah, I had to go home as **** (name removed to protect the innocent) has gone out and I'd imagine that most of the guys wouldn't have hung around that long'.

Anonymous 2: 'Nah, I still ain't buying it. You are f**king with me'.

Anonymous 1: 'Haha. Case of boy who cried wolf eh. You'll just have to wait for the match report then. or text Gus. or anyone! Honest. He had a decent one on one that he missed too'.

And we are still waiting ...

Stallions Preseason/Fire up the blog

Going into gameweek 1, most Div 3 teams have played 5 preseasons, have run endless shuttles and have spent hours in front of a whiteboard devising tactics. But can they do this:

Complete with smart-arse commentary and heard on the sidelines #50-90, including a few goodies:

'A swing and a miss'

'Tangi got smashed'.

'That famous left foot'

'Yeah, kick him in the arse'

'This is no different from Tangi's usual Saturday morning'.

'Ha ha, he got kicked in the back of his head by his own team mate'

'Line him up, line him up, get him!'

'Dan hasn't touched the ball but he's killed 45 people'

And just like last season it ends up with Tangihaere rounding his marker and slotting a left footed goal. And Nick in a dress.

DC looking good - early favourite for player of the season.

2015 Stats Archived Here

Pretty good season, yep, that's a pretty good season. Farewell and F**k you Div 4



Games Played:17
Won:11
Lost:5
Drawn: 1
Place on table:2
Next up: Wainui
Fights: 1
Goals for:45
Goals Against:36
GD: +11

Yellow Cards: Rauru (2), Heath, Paddy, Chris, Lloyd

Red Cards: Bakky, Thad
Goal Scorers: Milky (9), Carrick (7), Rauru (5), TANGIHAERE (3), Bakkie (3), Oggie (3), Hamish (2), Dan (2), Loric (2), Lloyd (2), Logan (2), Thad, Scott, Aaron, Gerald, Paddy, Nick, Heath, Chris
Assists: Paddy (5), Carrick (4), Rauru (4), Heath (2), Gerald (2), Milky(2), Dan (2), Bakky, Graham, Scott, Aaron, Lloyd, Paul, Nick, Logan
Current Stallion:Chris
Current Pony:
Injury table: Tim, Heath