Final game of Div 4 vs Wainui, 2015

With 2 hours until kickoff of division 3 2016, it seems that in Injustice of 2015 has been served. Before continuing any further, it should be noted that this blog post has been done using voice to text software and so any mistakes and the writing at to be expected. The Injustice is that a memorable stallions hedrick has gone unrecorded. A certain centre back who was sitting on a doughnut of 0 goals for the season played in the final game of the season and a striking role. Those who will not present would not believe it Mister T Walker was not only capable, but actually managed to score $3 period each of the three goals was as man it was as and memorable as each other darn not have zero goes for the season played in the final game of the season and stroking roll. Those who would not present would not believe that Mr T work I was not only capable, but actually managed to score 3 goals. Each of the three girls was as mine it was a son memorable as each other and soulat. Probably the most funny and stallion like outcome of this game was the fact that despite a hattrick being scored the stallions still managed to go on and lose the game 4 3 2 1 of the bottom teams in the table. Again, the way in which those 4 goals were conceded is largely been lost to the memory of time, however it is fair to say bit each goal was as biggerstaff up as the one that preceded it. 3 of the girls or was it 2 were considered by the food's team Cuba who wouldn't have looked out of place in the stallions goal circa 2004 period the other one or two goals were conceded by the stallion stuffed choice goalkeeper who, along with his Bubblegum hamstrings, managed to break his hand on an opposing players he does in mean time to score yet somehow the referee pulled the gold back and disallowed it for foul play on the keeper. This is as close to a contender for stallions and ponies as we will possibly ever say. In summary, 3 goals were scored by Tony Heidi Emma records should show their period PS I think I have created the new way to write stallions blogs. Voice to text is the way of the future.!

Match Report: Stallions 5 - 0 Crappies

Accies line up for their pre game photo.

"Who are the Accies? They are supposed to be Uni students. Some say their coach was German. Nobody ever believed they were real. Nobody ever knew them or saw anybody that ever played directly for them, but to hear Milky tell it, anybody could have played for the Accies. You never knew. That was his power. The greatest trick the Accies ever pulled was convincing the club they actually existed."

The Staccies became the Crappies with the Stallions still unsure who the Accies actually are.

With tensions high after being shafted in the first game, the Stallions came out with a point to prove.  There weren’t too many familiar faces from the first time these teams met which came as no surprise.  These were not the usual suspects.  Being transferred from KP to Wilton meant that free flowing attractive football was not going to be as easy to play as it has been, and also meant that Aaron faced an early shout for Pony as his taxi ride from the University to Wilton Park cost close to $50 (should have been $15-20 tops) as neither he nor the taxi driver had any idea where they were going.

The game got off to a rough start when Rauru was viciously chopped down after he managed to beat a player on the outside.  The pain was obvious but being the tough as nails player that he is he managed to restrain most of the anguish and only let out a little groan as he went down.  The Stallions supporters were outraged and howls of derision and whistles were hurled around towards the Accie culprit.  It sounded more like a derby between Fenerbache and Galatasaray than the two heavyweights from Vic Uni.  The Stallion supporters were so annoyed at Rauru for restraining his pain, rather than showing his true hurt and potentially getting the Accies player booked, that he was given a Pony nomination.  Credit to Rauru though, that’s just not the sort of player that he is.

Stallions then got on the board relatively early from an in-swinging corner (against the wind) from Paddy.  The corner flew in, the keeper came for it and missed, and with the ball almost over the line which would have given Paddy only his second goal of the season, Heath thrusts his hips like Jagger and manages to thigh/testie/stomach/chest over the line.  1-0.

The second goal came a bit later into the half which started with good interchange down the right, before swinging the ball to the left to a galloping Gerald, who then swung it back to the right where Rauru found himself in space to have a hit.  The initial shot was parried by the keeper, the follow up shot blocked by a defender and with Heath screaming “LEAVE IT” Rauru decided to have a ping with his left and crashed the ball into the net just under the cross bar. 2-0.

Right on the stroke of half time the Stallions had an opportunity for a third as a ball was whipped in from the left to Rauru who was unmarked in the box.  Calls of “Time!!” where yelled out but Rauru thought that rather than control, look up, assess options, work out angles, wind direction, ball pressure, and goal keeper height and agility levels before picking any spot he liked, he’d actually dummy and let the ball go through his legs to Lloyd who was approaching.  Lloyd apparently hadn’t anticipated this stunning display of trickery (not for the first time in the half it might be said.  Gee, slow learner that Lloyd.  Lloyd may or may not have been as close as Rauru had thought) and wasn’t able to get on the ball with the chance going begging and the score remaining at 2-0.  Another Pony nomination for Rauru.

Half time came and went with the Stallions feeling good and not being under any real pressure.

The second half got under way and it wasn’t long before the Stallions had a big advantage.  A ball was punted out by goalkeeper Tim and with a bit of breeze behind it, it bounced over the last defender with Rauru running through on goal.  The Accies defender obviously had never seen Rauru in 1-on-1 situations before and decided that giving away a penalty was a safer option (foolish as Rauru’s strike rate from penalties is 100% over the last two years), so chopped him down in the box.  With Graham screaming from the other end of the park “RED CARD!!! IT HAS TO BE A RED CARD!!” (he’s been watching too much John Terry) the referee agreed and gave the Accies defender his marching orders and a bill for $50.  It was rumoured that the defender was last seen straightening up from a limp and walking towards Milky's house.

Rauru being in supremely confident mood (despite apparently many of his team mates not feeling the same way – bastards) forgot his pre-penalty routine and the keeper guessing the right way, got down well and made a good save.  2-0 it stayed but Accies down to 10.  A third Pony nomination racked up for Rauru.

The third goal wasn’t too far coming however and Rauru redeemed himself for the penalty miss as Bakky whipped in a great ball from the left, it found Rauru in the middle with some space due to the lack of extra defender who took it round (read: mis-controlled round) a defender and tucked it past the keeper with his right foot.  3-0 and game over as a contest.

But while the Accies would have been happy to pick up their toys and go home, the Stallions had a goal difference to make up and so kept applying the pressure.  With space opening up due to the extra player, the Stallions created again down the left and a high cross was put into the box.  Rauru sensed an opportunity for a hattrick and ran to get a head on it knowing that the keeper was coming but wasn’t going to fully get there.  Just as the ball was coming down however Rauru lost it in the sun.  Fortunately it managed to hit him on the head and lob over the oncoming keeper into the net (this author is told that it looked much more classy than that from the sideline!).  Left foot, right foot, head for the perfect hattrick and as it turns out possibly the first hattrick scorer to get Pony.  Bastards.  4-0 Stallions.

The Stallions still weren’t done however with Heath getting a second to make it 5-0 but by that stage no one remembers how it was scored.  Bakky claims he got the assist and since no one can be bothered arguing we awarded it to him.

While Rauru was awarded the Pink and the match report honours there were many notable contenders.

·         Aaron – Being warned by the ref for his wild kicks (“Is that with or without the ball, ref?” – a fantastic ‘Heard on the Sidelines’).

·         Aaron – Getting lost pre-game and taking a $50 taxi.

·         Paddy – Slipping over in the mud when taking a corner.

·         Bakky – Screaming at all his teammates for not passing him the ball.

·         Bakky – Screaming at all his teammates for passing him the ball.

·         Bakky – Blaming his teammates for Bakky being off side.

·         Bakky – Just cause it would have been funny to piss him off more than he was already pissed off.

·         Bakky – Referring to himself in the third person on the blog and in emails.

·         Lloyd – Apparently not being telepathic.

·         Graham – Having the nerve to call himself a striker for 5 minutes and even get a shot away that almost went in.  It obviously went to his head as he asked, nay, demanded that he be put into left mid towards the end of the game when Gerald came off.

·         Graham – Screaming at the ref to award a red card.

·         The ref – Saying that the final score was 6-0 cause he thought the penalty had gone in (he obviously knew Rauru’s reputation and was already back at halfway)

Stallion went to Chris who not only put his hand up to sit out the game, but still showed up with his family to watch the game and support the boys, before coming back to the clubrooms afterwards with the family for a beer as well.  True Stallion.

Big shout out to Tom and Dan who also came along to support the boys in our quest for back-to-back promotions.

A great win with lots of shits and giggles along the way.  2 more to go!  WE DON’T SLIP!  WE GO AGAIN!!

Standing on the Shoulders of Giants

It was raining when we turned up at Kilbirnie Park and prospects of play looked bleak. However, the bottom of the table Easts Giants were determined to play, and seeing as their clubrooms were handy (not to mention the blackcaps match v. West Indies had already started), we agreed to evaluate the pitch at 1:30pm.

 

That time came and the rain had eased; however I was concerned about the water still on the bowlers run-ups. Other water under the bridge included the other 2A match, Spartans v. Roosters, which had been scheduled for Kilbirnie #1 having been abandoned. However, and to the consternation of more than a couple of Stallions, we agreed to a toss at 2:15pm with a view to starting play at 2:30pm.

 

I called incorrectly and we found ourselves bowling first in a 10 player 30 over-a-side match. Personally, I found myself bowling very poorly, although Matt Boa was getting the pitch to play some tricks from his end. They made a positive start, scoring at 6-7 an over for the first 15 or so overs. Through Matt Boa (2), Mike Sleyer (1) and Richard Taylor (1) we managed to pick up wickets regularly as they looked to hit out.

 

Prior to the game, I was concerned about my second change bowling pair, who would be Mike Butchard,who'd only bowled a few overs thus far in the season, and Andy George who was playing his second game for us this season, the last one being way back in October. Andy hadn't even made it to a single practise. But Greg, increasingly the team's Jacob Oram, was continuing to play as a batsman only (in spite of prior promises to the contrary).

 

I needn't have worried, both bowlers bowled brilliantly; Mike bowling the first maiden of the game, and then Andy with his astonishing hattrick. 

 

The hattrick, the first of which I've seen playing senior cricket, took them from 5 down to 8. As both sides had only 10 players, we only had one further wicket to take, which Mike Butchard duly managed with a well taken caught and bowled. Andy finished with 4-1-8-4, and we were chasing 130 with a required rate of 4.33.

 

However the batting did not start well. Tony and I struggled with the length early on; balls were either rearing off a good length or rolling, and tight lines made scoring very difficult. That said, Tony and I are accustomed to making slow starts following which we generally got on with it, so we weren't panicking. However, by the time the first 7 overs had been bowled we only had 7 on the board, and something had to give. Unfortunately it was Tony first, getting caught at mid-off; myself, Pritesh and Mike Butchard followed soon in exactly the same fashion.

 

With the score 30/4 in the 17th over, required rate above 8 we were in it up to our necks. Enter Greg Martin. Greg found a good way to neutralise the bounce; come down the wicket. From this stance balls disappeared to and over all parts of the boundary; at one point they had three fielders on the cover fence. Throughout Greg was ably assisted by Josh, who ran singles hard and played a wonderful supporting role. Greg's newly strapped county bat was wielded with great effect, so much so that when he was eventually dismissed for 66 we required 15 off 4 overs. Then followed a couple of anxious moments as Mike Sleyer was bowled, but Matt Boa knocked a couple of 4s and Josh smacked the winning runs straight over the bowler's head in the second to last over to secure a famous victory.

 

Extreme Kudos goes to Andy for his Hattrick and Greg for his batting.

 

Pony: Jo Harris, who didn't even turn up.