Nick G tries to shut Rauru and his crap EPL picks and fantasy boasting the hell up

So Rauru’s gone through his picks.  And how boring are they? Chelsea (odds on), City (typical), Liverpool (bias), Arsenal (where else?), Man U (whatever), Everton, Tottenham, yada yada…

But what’s really going to happen?

Chelsea aint that good and they don’t have the depth required for the league.  Mourinho is their biggest draw card and even he won’t be able to turn these prima-donnas into champs.  Champions League has always been Mourinho’s thorn (he won it once at Inter only) and he’ll be after it again, incidentally sacrificing the Premier League.  They’ll finish second, maybe even tight third as they go deep into the Champions League - ultimately losing to 2014/15 Champs Bayern Munich along the way.

That’ll open it up for Man City unfortunately.  They still have the strength of squad and proven absolute quality in guys like Aguero and Silva.  Definitely have not hit their straps yet (shit, we’re only four weeks in), with Toure still sulking from post B’Day blues, but they have the only true class central defender in the league in Kompany and he’ll boss it all the way to the end of May 2015.  And do not underestimate Jovetic, Dzeko (my fave). Fernando and Nasri.

I actually think Arsenal will shake things up from their usual comfy fourth possie and take out third, challenging Chelsea for second.  They’ve recruited well with Sanchez and dear old Danny and won’t trip up as much as usual – Champs League won’t trouble them long, which is a good thing.  And do not let anyone tell you Ozil sucks.  The guy is absolute class and anyone that says otherwise is an idiot.  Ozil, in his best role centrally, as part of a front five with Sanchez, Ramsey, Walcott and Giroud/Welbeck would be the best AM in the league (along with Hazard, Toure and Di Maria).  It’s bloody Arsene’s fault he aint shining.  Nonetheless they’ll trouble the big teams and hammer the bad ones to be in the top three.

Man U will take the crucial fourth spot.  Sure, things haven’t started perfectly for them but why would you want to peak in September?  Van Gaal has now assembled an adequate squad, especially compared to the other contenders, and with Strootman on his way in January, defenders coming back from injury shortly and no Champions League to distract, it’ll end up being more of a question whether they get third than fifth (or lower).  Don’t let others tell you the defenders aint up to it – a back four of Shaw, Rojo, Jones and Rafael is as good as anyone in the league and that’s with a backup back four of Blind, Smalling, Evans and Valencia.  It’s all G.  Oh and here’s a wee graphic for you – check out that front 5 (along with attacking wing backs)!

Sorry, where was I?  Oh into the insignificant positions.  Well, I won’t sit on the fence with sixth – Everton will take that.  Martinez has shown what he can do over a season with a settled squad, plus he has a bit more depth this year so will threaten those top spots a little more.  

Tottenham have started well, and again have a quality manager but the Premier League’s a long season so I doubt they’ll seriously threaten the top four.

Outside of that I reckon we’ve got Stoke grinding it out (cliché number one) along with Hull and surprise package Leicester to be in the top half.

Hrmmm, feels like I’m missing someone? Ah, ha, it’s Liverpool.  Poor old Liverpool.  Fooled by the false dawn of Suarez last year, getting them to the top four.  But without him, even genius Rodgers (seriously) won’t work the miracle that’s required to get back to the glory days of old, this season.  Wonder boy Stirling will get them close to fourth but that’ll be as good as it gets.

Final posies: Man City, Chelsea, Arsenal, Man U, Liverpool, Everton, Tottenham, Stoke, Hull, Leicester.

And as for Fantasy Football – as always I took a few punts early on.  Sometimes they don’t pay off, but with form now starting to show I’ve got my team sorted along with the necessary tweaks so it’s only a matter of time until @LuxGolfToursNZ goes eerily quiet. 
Happy EPLing Stallions!

EPL picks

Right, with the window well and truly closed and internationals out of the way, here are my picks for how things are going to end up at the end of the EPL season.

1st - Chelsea.  They are looking good and I said right at the beginning if Costa can score 25+ goals they are a shoe-in.  He's looking like he's going to be able to do that (barring injury) with 7 goals in 4 games already.  I think the key man is going to be Fabregas though.  He'll put it on a plate for Costa, and Costa will do what Torres couldn't.  If Costa is out it'll be interesting to see if Remy and Drogba can score the goals, which with that midfield behind them they should be able to.  Hell, Bakky would even be able to score a few with that midfield behind him ;).

2nd - Man City.  It'll be a close run thing, and I don't think there are any real weaknesses in City's team, but I think they'll slip more often than Chelsea will (as they already have).

3rd - Liverpool.  Possibly a big call with no Suarez and Sturridge somewhat injury prone, but if Sturridge can score 20 goals then they should be sweet with Sterling and Balotelli likely to chip in with at least 10-15 each as well.  Will be interesting to see how being in CL effects them, but they have a much bigger squad that should be able to cope if they can settle and gel fast enough.

4th - Arsenal.  I actually have a feeling that they may struggle this year despite all the hype around Sanchez.  Ozil sucks and isn't going to get better, and their front like strikers are a joke.  Their midfielders have always been their strength at a lot will come down to whether they can do the scoring.  I think they'll just scrape in.

5th - Man U.  I had them picked for 6th or 7th until they signed ADM, but he might just be a key.  They've made a stack of signings and depending on how well they settle into the PL will determine how well they do.  Blind, Herrera, Rojo, ADM and Falcao have meant that Mancs are getting all hot and sweaty, but their D is so terribly bad (and this is coming from a Liverpool supporter!) that if a team manages to shut down the midfield supply to their strikers, they will concede.  While their strikers have got good names I think they'll all past it and I don't pick any of them to do the damage that is needed to get them back into CL.  It'll be a close run thing but Arsenal will pip them by 3 points.

6th/7th - Everton/Tottenham in either order.  I thought that Tottenham might have pushed for a top 4 spot this year with a more settled team and a new coach who seems good, but after getting spanked by Liverpool I think it'll be same old same old.  Will have some good performances and some shockers.  Same with Everton.  I thought that they might do ok this year but they haven't started great, although have already played Chelsea and Arsenal so maybe they'll do alright.  Hard to say.

After that you'll have Swansea, Southampton, and let's throw a wild card in there and say Leicester will make top 10.

I think it's all going to be pretty close once again though.  Last year from 1st to 7th there was 22 point in it (7 from 1st to 4th).  I'll say from 1st-7th this year there'll be 15 points in it.

Thoughts?  Make your picks.

And Fantasy Premier League?  I'm smoking everyone (as per.  Last year was a blip).  Tim's win last year was a last in the year pan and he sucks this year.  Gerald looks like he might be ok again.  Aaron has already panicked and played his wildcard but like Arsenal, write him off at your peril (like how I've compared you to Arsenal Aaron?).  Nick Goodall, despite having played the game for years, still has no idea of tactics.  Everyone else?  They all enter a team, they all suck, and they all give up. ;)

STALLIONS PROMOTION WINNERS DIV 5 2014 TEAM PHOTO

BOOM, and this highly decorated team become even more decorated. Great season Stallions, its been a blast.

Stats from final game:
Stallions 2 - Olympic 1
Goals:
Rauru (Paddy)
Logan (Lloyd?)
Stallion: Logan - insane goal
Pony: Aaron - The non-pony pony - for not been pony all season.

Since I got lazy with the polls might send some confidential voting papers out so we can nominate a few awards.

Until then ...

Match Report: Stallions 5 - 0 Crappies

Accies line up for their pre game photo.

"Who are the Accies? They are supposed to be Uni students. Some say their coach was German. Nobody ever believed they were real. Nobody ever knew them or saw anybody that ever played directly for them, but to hear Milky tell it, anybody could have played for the Accies. You never knew. That was his power. The greatest trick the Accies ever pulled was convincing the club they actually existed."

The Staccies became the Crappies with the Stallions still unsure who the Accies actually are.

With tensions high after being shafted in the first game, the Stallions came out with a point to prove.  There weren’t too many familiar faces from the first time these teams met which came as no surprise.  These were not the usual suspects.  Being transferred from KP to Wilton meant that free flowing attractive football was not going to be as easy to play as it has been, and also meant that Aaron faced an early shout for Pony as his taxi ride from the University to Wilton Park cost close to $50 (should have been $15-20 tops) as neither he nor the taxi driver had any idea where they were going.

The game got off to a rough start when Rauru was viciously chopped down after he managed to beat a player on the outside.  The pain was obvious but being the tough as nails player that he is he managed to restrain most of the anguish and only let out a little groan as he went down.  The Stallions supporters were outraged and howls of derision and whistles were hurled around towards the Accie culprit.  It sounded more like a derby between Fenerbache and Galatasaray than the two heavyweights from Vic Uni.  The Stallion supporters were so annoyed at Rauru for restraining his pain, rather than showing his true hurt and potentially getting the Accies player booked, that he was given a Pony nomination.  Credit to Rauru though, that’s just not the sort of player that he is.

Stallions then got on the board relatively early from an in-swinging corner (against the wind) from Paddy.  The corner flew in, the keeper came for it and missed, and with the ball almost over the line which would have given Paddy only his second goal of the season, Heath thrusts his hips like Jagger and manages to thigh/testie/stomach/chest over the line.  1-0.

The second goal came a bit later into the half which started with good interchange down the right, before swinging the ball to the left to a galloping Gerald, who then swung it back to the right where Rauru found himself in space to have a hit.  The initial shot was parried by the keeper, the follow up shot blocked by a defender and with Heath screaming “LEAVE IT” Rauru decided to have a ping with his left and crashed the ball into the net just under the cross bar. 2-0.

Right on the stroke of half time the Stallions had an opportunity for a third as a ball was whipped in from the left to Rauru who was unmarked in the box.  Calls of “Time!!” where yelled out but Rauru thought that rather than control, look up, assess options, work out angles, wind direction, ball pressure, and goal keeper height and agility levels before picking any spot he liked, he’d actually dummy and let the ball go through his legs to Lloyd who was approaching.  Lloyd apparently hadn’t anticipated this stunning display of trickery (not for the first time in the half it might be said.  Gee, slow learner that Lloyd.  Lloyd may or may not have been as close as Rauru had thought) and wasn’t able to get on the ball with the chance going begging and the score remaining at 2-0.  Another Pony nomination for Rauru.

Half time came and went with the Stallions feeling good and not being under any real pressure.

The second half got under way and it wasn’t long before the Stallions had a big advantage.  A ball was punted out by goalkeeper Tim and with a bit of breeze behind it, it bounced over the last defender with Rauru running through on goal.  The Accies defender obviously had never seen Rauru in 1-on-1 situations before and decided that giving away a penalty was a safer option (foolish as Rauru’s strike rate from penalties is 100% over the last two years), so chopped him down in the box.  With Graham screaming from the other end of the park “RED CARD!!! IT HAS TO BE A RED CARD!!” (he’s been watching too much John Terry) the referee agreed and gave the Accies defender his marching orders and a bill for $50.  It was rumoured that the defender was last seen straightening up from a limp and walking towards Milky's house.

Rauru being in supremely confident mood (despite apparently many of his team mates not feeling the same way – bastards) forgot his pre-penalty routine and the keeper guessing the right way, got down well and made a good save.  2-0 it stayed but Accies down to 10.  A third Pony nomination racked up for Rauru.

The third goal wasn’t too far coming however and Rauru redeemed himself for the penalty miss as Bakky whipped in a great ball from the left, it found Rauru in the middle with some space due to the lack of extra defender who took it round (read: mis-controlled round) a defender and tucked it past the keeper with his right foot.  3-0 and game over as a contest.

But while the Accies would have been happy to pick up their toys and go home, the Stallions had a goal difference to make up and so kept applying the pressure.  With space opening up due to the extra player, the Stallions created again down the left and a high cross was put into the box.  Rauru sensed an opportunity for a hattrick and ran to get a head on it knowing that the keeper was coming but wasn’t going to fully get there.  Just as the ball was coming down however Rauru lost it in the sun.  Fortunately it managed to hit him on the head and lob over the oncoming keeper into the net (this author is told that it looked much more classy than that from the sideline!).  Left foot, right foot, head for the perfect hattrick and as it turns out possibly the first hattrick scorer to get Pony.  Bastards.  4-0 Stallions.

The Stallions still weren’t done however with Heath getting a second to make it 5-0 but by that stage no one remembers how it was scored.  Bakky claims he got the assist and since no one can be bothered arguing we awarded it to him.

While Rauru was awarded the Pink and the match report honours there were many notable contenders.

·         Aaron – Being warned by the ref for his wild kicks (“Is that with or without the ball, ref?” – a fantastic ‘Heard on the Sidelines’).

·         Aaron – Getting lost pre-game and taking a $50 taxi.

·         Paddy – Slipping over in the mud when taking a corner.

·         Bakky – Screaming at all his teammates for not passing him the ball.

·         Bakky – Screaming at all his teammates for passing him the ball.

·         Bakky – Blaming his teammates for Bakky being off side.

·         Bakky – Just cause it would have been funny to piss him off more than he was already pissed off.

·         Bakky – Referring to himself in the third person on the blog and in emails.

·         Lloyd – Apparently not being telepathic.

·         Graham – Having the nerve to call himself a striker for 5 minutes and even get a shot away that almost went in.  It obviously went to his head as he asked, nay, demanded that he be put into left mid towards the end of the game when Gerald came off.

·         Graham – Screaming at the ref to award a red card.

·         The ref – Saying that the final score was 6-0 cause he thought the penalty had gone in (he obviously knew Rauru’s reputation and was already back at halfway)

Stallion went to Chris who not only put his hand up to sit out the game, but still showed up with his family to watch the game and support the boys, before coming back to the clubrooms afterwards with the family for a beer as well.  True Stallion.

Big shout out to Tom and Dan who also came along to support the boys in our quest for back-to-back promotions.

A great win with lots of shits and giggles along the way.  2 more to go!  WE DON’T SLIP!  WE GO AGAIN!!

Stallions vs BNU Match Report, aka, A Good Win But We Should Have Won By 6

With second spot, and a potential late run to 1st spot on the line, the changing room was tense. For those 8 players that happened to be there at least 15 minutes from the game.

Watching the young fellas in red  from the comfort of the clubrooms was somewhat encouraging though, running around in the rain as they were, doing shuttles: someone commented "they've only got 13!"  Suddenly we were playing for the win, a draw was not good enough.

With Heath managing to arrive before the game, we got out there with a couple of minutes to spare, kicked the ball around a few times and in true Stallions fashion were good to go.

And with the mood and focus of the team, the result was inevitable from before kickoff.  Bakky got us underway, strategically losing the toss and sending us into the wind.  Lesson learnt from the last time we played these guys.  We felt a bit sorry for the young fellas, undefeated as they were, so spent the first 20 or so trying to encourage them by repeatedly offering them the ball and asking them to attack.  It was all a bit boring really, so on our first foray into their half we sliced through their midfield and someone (Paddy?) popped the ball over the defenders for Jimmy to cleverly take the ball from right under the keeper's nose and over his head all without breaking his hamstring or a sweat. 

We then, again sportingly, conceded their half but they could not put much on target.  An all round solid defence for the last ten of the half and we went to the break with our lead intact.

The second half saw a much more even contest.  With the wind we put some good passing together, won a few corners, and Patrick showed some devastating pace down the right.  With a more open game, both keepers were tested, and Tim made some outstanding saves to keep us in the game.  We had the better chances though, with Carrick, Gus, and Gerald giving their keeper one-on-one practice.  Carrick managed to put a shot on an empty goal but the ball didn't make the 20 yards.  Admittedly, he was on the ground after a red card offence from their keeper.

A few minutes later and we had the 2-0 lead.  After some "encouragement" from his midfield partner to get back and defend a goal kick, Gus positioned himself perfectly and headed the ball down track one for Carrick to run onto and beat the keeper and score.

This prompted Patrick to taunt the opposition and supporters running down the sideline yelling "we should've won by 6!"  [Ed: at least, that's as I heard it told.]

That took the steam out of the game and we saw the final few minutes out with some more solid defending.

It was a day of all round heroics, great team defence, an exceptional back four, a midfield that ran all day, and strikers causing havoc at every opportunity.  Stallion though to Tim, with some great shot-stoppers and one-on-one saves.  Pony was a split-decision, shared between Rauru for missing both Brooklyn games and Tharron, for "losing" a sock that was already being worn.  [Ed: just a sign of how focused I was on the Big Game.]

Revenge vs Staccies

5-zip, order restored, karma is a bitch etc etc. Anyway - not much more than a practice run, especially after last week's hard effort. Some great football played in the mud, the first hattrick, second clean sheet in a row - can't complain.

Goals:
Rauru - HATRICK (Bakky, Gerald)
Heath - DOUBLE (Paddy, can't remember the other?)

Stallion: Chris, sitting out due to excess players, but showing up to the game and the clubrooms with the family - Stallion effort.

Pony: many contenders (too many to recall):
- Rauru - Terrible dive, penalty miss
- Bakky - Yelling at Heath not to pass the ball to an offside position
- Aaron - Wild Stallion kicks at either end of the field
- Pretty much everyone - shanked shots, slipping in the mud, being dicks

The winner: Rauru, that terrible dive/scream, shot from the crowd.

2 more to go Stallions, lets do this.

A mean joke by Capital Football

So Brooklyn got humped 9:2 by Eastbourne to put us top of the table. What's going on in our grade?

With the win over them last week we must have opened the floodgate

Karori b 3 v marist 1

Upper slut 4 chit cargo 1

Eastbourne 9 v bnu 2

Naenae v olympic to register the result

Ladder & points & goal diff

Stallies 39 33

Bnu 38 27

Karori 37 24

Next round

Karori v eastbourne giant killers Min 7:40 @ alex moore

Stallies v upper hutt monday 7:40 @ wakefield

Bnu v accies wed at wgtn college 6pm

Surely that can't be right?!?!? nine two??

Someone must have rang the wrong result through

Do they have a Bakky on the job. Eastbournes home game. They'd do the result...would they stuff it up?

Agreed. It would have been the other way round. No way that can be a legit result. That's Eastbourne 1sts as well isn't it? I might believe it if they were 2nds cause they might have dropped players from 1sts to help them avoid relegation, but no way that can be legit.

3 red cards need I say more

Did you guys realize the accies are playing brooklyn next week...

Are you suggesting "the Staccies" comeout to play

I see they've corrected the BNU result on the capital footy website. We're back to 2nd on the table.