Reffing a Div 6 football Match? There is an app for that

Sounds like a good idea here. Hope everyone is keeping well in the summer!

Zlatan Ibrahimovic FTW!

Chip the keeper

Just a quick note so we don't start our next season the same way...

The final standings for Capital 6 Honest to god

And both North Wellington teams are going down Wainui with the 5 for 0 keeps them up above the clarets

Ladder After Round 18

POS		TEAM	P	W	D	L	F	A	GD	PTS
1		Western Suburbs	18	16	1	1	110	36	74	49
2		Miramar Rangers	18	10	3	5	67	48	19	33
3		Victoria University Raiders	18	10	2	6	47	49	-2	32
4		Lower Hutt City Green Machine	18	9	1	8	44	64	-20	28
5		Brooklyn Northern United Pilsner	18	7	3	8	45	51	-6	24
6		Victoria University Stallions	18	6	3	9	47	52	-5	21
7		Marist Inter	18	6	3	9	41	50	-9	21
8		Wainui Undertakers	18	5	4	9	44	49	-5	19
9		North Wellington Clarets	18	5	2	11	38	57	-19	17
10		North Wellington Lions	18	4	2	12	32	59	-27	14

Farrk - stacked team much?

North Wellington Clarets

10

-

3

Victoria University Raiders

Raiders ain't getting promoted.

Weird results - but we finish a respectable 5th.

Sounds like the Undertaker got away lightly

http://www.stuff.co.nz/dominion-post/news/7412695/Player-gets-6-week-ban-for-ref-abuse

And how about the Lower Hutt player spitting in the face of the ref. Div 6 is hardcore!

I'm happy to be granted the prestigious title of being the dirtiest player in our team, as acknowledged by the Wainui team last week. Take your stallions, your golden boots, your colts - I'm more than happy with that.

Stallions Ride to Safety

When push came to shove and the pressure came on, the Stallions did what they needed to do to get the win and ensure another season in Div 6.

It didn't start too well with Tangihaere "the penalty" Walker giving away his 4th penalty of the year, making it effectively a worse season than when he scored 3 own goals.*  It was a somewhat dodgy penalty from a somewhat dodgy ref (yes, you were dodgy Mr Referee, and I don't care if you throw the book at me Capital Football it needs to be said!) but the penalty was awarded and sent Dan the wrong way. 0-1.

Stallions hit straight back though, well actually, Wainui hit themselves back.  Some good build up play led to Gus whipping in a cross which one of their defenders swung a leg at.  He only managed to shank it off the outside of his foot and he managed to put the ball into the top corner of his own goal.  A great finish that even Butch would have been proud of. 1-1.

The second goal wasn't too far away.  Again Gus was involved as a ball was played into him just outside the box.  He turned on a six pence, beat 3-4 defenders* and put in a powerful shot that the keeper could only parry into the path of Rob who made no mistake from 5 yards. 2-1.

Wainui weren't done though and before the half was out they managed an equaliser.  A ball was played out to their left before being crossed back in to the middle where they finished nicely. 2-2 and half time.

Second half was a pretty even affair with both teams having chances.  Stallions had some good chances with the best falling to this author.  Gus (that man again) played a nice little ball in behind the defence where I had a one on one.  The keeper managed to save but the ball was still there and I managed to touch it away from the keepers grasp and had the ball about 6 yards out on my left foot.  The only nose that was within 10m of the ball had managed to track back and it's owner stood on the line.  With the ball in the middle of the goal I literally only had to put the ball 30cm either side of the player, but on my left foot I managed to smash the ball right into the aforementioned nose.

At the other end Dan was having a blinder, absolutely dominating anything that came inside the 6 yard box.  The save of the match and the Stallion award that followed was from a fantastic dipping volley from outside the box (possibly as we were trying to defend a lead we had taken).  The ball was on it's way to squeak under the bar, when Dan, with his cape with an 'S' on the back, flew high in the air and managed to tip it over the bar.

While all this was going on the referee was blindly not awarding penalties, the most obvious of which was when Glenn got chopped down, with the player going through the side of him, and the ref calling it shoulder to shoulder.  What he did call though was the penalty on Gus (that man again).  After a bit of ball bobbling around inside the box, Gus managed to get it down at his feet and with pressure coming from behind he chose to dig his feet into the mud and allow the player to literally tackle him to the ground.  A smart play and well bought penalty.  I most certainly approve.

The penalty was far from convincing.  At 2-2 and playing on a surface that's not the best for cleanly striking the ball, the pressure was more than last week when we were 4-0 down on a brilliant surface.  The routine was the same but the strike was not as clean as previous penalties, and with the keeper guessing the right way the heart was in the mouth until I saw the ball sneak under the keepers stomach.  As it turned out the keeper guessed too well and the pen wasn't hit far enough away from the keeper and he ended up diving too far and wasn't able to get any hands on it.  3-2 and 100% from the spot this season!

The Stallions did well to see the rest of the game out.  Joe managed to pick up a yellow card for a late chop (not quite as shit a refereeing decision as not awarding Glenn's penalty claim, but almost.  Pisses me off how ref's ref Div 6 games the way they would Div 1.  The tackle wasn't that bad and I'm guessing if Joe was going to get a card he'd want to put in one of his specials!).  The game then turned semi farcical with one of the Wainui players given a straight red card for dissent, then given another red card for even more dissent.  I'm not even sure if you can give a player two red cards but that's capital football refs for you.  This was the same ref that penalised players a couple of weeks ago for leaving their feet even when there were no players in cooee and gave Tom his yellow for his bullyboy tactics.

But I digress.  Stallions held on for the win in what wasn't a pretty game, but we did what needed to be done.  We've played better this year and lost so it was good to get the win, even if it was a little ugly.  Big decisions to be made now - what to do for the last game in terms of positions and what to do for the end of season event.  Get there early on Saturday to have your voice heard.

*numbers and facts have not been confirmed

STOP THE MADNESS!!!

What started as an innocent points table posting, ended in this.  Good one Corey.

To stop any confusion from the below post, we have one game left (thank you Tom for pointing out the bleeding obvious to those, like Graham, who would rather write his doctorate thesis on the current standing in division 6 capital football).  The fact that there are 7 comments on that post already suggests that a) people are really keen for more football, and b) are really keen to hear about how I smacked the ball into the only nose within 10m of an empty net on Saturday and then followed that up by attempting to miss a penalty (note, for those of you not there, I said ‘attempted’ to miss the penalty).

Here is the correct table:

Ladder After Round 18

POS		TEAM	P	W	D	L	F	A	GD	PTS
1		Western Suburbs	17	15	1	1	103	33	70	46
2		Victoria University Raiders	17	10	2	5	44	39	5	32
3		Miramar Rangers	17	9	3	5	61	48	13	30
4		Lower Hutt City Green Machine	16	9	1	6	42	51	-9	28
5		Marist Inter	17	6	3	8	40	48	-8	21
6		Victoria University Stallions	17	6	2	9	46	51	-5	20
7		Brooklyn Northern United Pilsner	16	6	2	8	37	48	-11	20
8		Wainui Undertakers	16	4	4	8	36	42	-6	16
9		North Wellington Clarets	16	4	2	10	28	49	-21	14
10		North Wellington Lions	17	3	2	12	30	58	-28	11

So as you can see, we are 4 points clear of Wainui and 6 clear of Clarets who both have a game in hand over us.  Luckily for us, that game is against each other.  Wainui's other game is against Wests with the Clarets against Raiders.  I don't see any way that Wainui or Clarets will win those games unless Clarets stack their team to avoid relegation - something that I wouldn't put past them.  

Either way, if Clarets take 6 points the most Wainui can take is 3 meaning we're safe.  If Wainui take 6 points Clarets can only take 3 meaning we're safe.  If Wainui and Clarets both take 4 points (win and draw each) we're safe.  So no matter which way you look at it we're safe!

So the question is this.  Do we go out against BNU and seek revenge for getting smashed by them last time?  They haven't won a game since they beat us, and are 29-9 goals for and against since then including shipping in 12 against Wests, and losses to Marist and the Lions.  They just lost to Raiders in what sounded like a close game but other than that they have been dealt to.  Odd.  So do we play as per normal and try and get the win and finish above them and hopefully Marist (they have the Lions in their last game), or do we do the traditional (at least since last season) Stallions end-of-year-nothing-to-lose-ol-switch-a-roo.  I'd be pretty keen to have half a game in goal and half a game as an attacking sweeper, and I bet Tangihaere, Jason, Joe, Spencer, Mike and whoever else hasn't scored would love an opportunity to get their name on the score sheet (remember the days when Spencer hit side foot volleys into the top corner of the net?).

Aaron, can you out a poll up on it, and people can post comments below.  Also Aaron, can you change the worst miss of the season?  There's a glaring omission from two weeks ago (as well as mine from last week?).

The ladder with three games to go

Ladder After Round 16

POS		TEAM	P	W	D	L	F	A	GD	PTS
1		Western Suburbs	15	13	1	1	94	29	65	40
2		Lower Hutt City Green Machine	15	9	1	5	40	47	-7	28
3		Victoria University Raiders	15	8	2	5	39	37	2	26
4		Miramar Rangers	15	7	3	5	50	45	5	24
5		Marist Inter	15	6	3	6	37	43	-6	21
6		Victoria University Stallions	15	5	2	8	39	46	-7	17
7		Brooklyn Northern United Pilsner	15	5	2	8	35	48	-13	17
8		Wainui Undertakers	15	4	4	7	36	40	-4	16
9		North Wellington Clarets	15	4	2	9	26	43	-17	14
10		North Wellington Lions	15	3	2	10	27	45	-18	11

Fantasy vs GP and Lower Hutt

Wests
Paul	60+, 3 (9 saves), 3bps, 5 (saved pen)-2 (4 goals)	11
Tangihaere	60+, -2 (4 goals)	0
Corey	60+, -2 (4 goals), 6 (defender goal)	6
Mike B	60+, -2 (4 goals)	0
Spencer	60+, -2 (4 goals)	0
Joe	60+, -2 (4 goals)	0
Aaron	60+	2
Lloyd	60+, 2bps	4
Robin	60+	2
Tom	60+	2
Logan	60+, 6 (2 assists)	8
Rauru	60+, 4 (goal)	6
L Hutt
Paul	60+, -2  (2 goal loss)	1
Tangihaere	60+, -2  (2 goal loss), 3bps	4
Jason	60+, -2  (2 goal loss)	1
Mike B	60+, -2  (2 goal loss)	1
Graham	60+, -2  (2 goal loss)	1
Joe	60+	2
Aaron	60+, mf goal (5), 1bp	8
Lloyd	60+, 2bp	4
Panda	60+	2
Tom	60+, -1 (yellow)	1
Logan	60-	1
Rauru	60+,  3 (ASSIST)	5
Spencer	60+	2
TOTALS - TOP 5
Rauru	117
Lloyd	63
Aaron	59
Logan	57
Paddy	52

Stallions Show No Respect

20 July 2012 (Endeavour Park) Western Suburbs division six side was left feeling empty on Saturday, after a fine football display from the visiting University Stallions kept the goal difference in the game to a mere +3 goals.    After the match GP , striker for Wests, was fuming.  "They've got no respect.  I'm the best player in the country and I just happen to play in Capital Division 6.''

Signs were pretty good for Wests from the kick off, passing the ball around comfortably at the back with the Stallions holding back.  Things weren't looking to bad for the Stallions although posession was rare, and was given up too cheaply at times.  Soon enough the Stallions found themselves 1-0 down after turning the ball over in a bad position - he was  big guy and it was a good header.

Things almost got a lot worse for the Stallions after Joe, superbly tracking his man into the box, brushed (if you ask Joe) or axed (if you ask the referee) the biggest man on the park on the goal line  Penalty.  Come the hour and upstepped the man who has a mortgage on  Stallion moments this season.  Not only did the get a hand to the penalty and push it away, but he also stood up and deflected the follow up shot off the crossbar and out.  Kilford was also heard after the match praising his lucky cap - "God if it wasn't for my cap getting in the way of that second shot, the ball would have skidded off my greasy dome into the back of the net..."

Bouyed by a Stallion moment the Stallions did look for an equaliser and came up with a couple of chances, but were denied by the woodwork and lack of finishing talent (by yours truly).

Wests struck back though with two great strikes - one cross that sailed over everyone to land exactly in the corner of the net and another half volley which was powered in.  Nothing much the Stallions could have done about either of those, but to admit that Wests had some classy players.

The Stallions hard graft was soon rewarded though, Gus tangled his feet with a Wests defender and in the spirit of consistency the ref awarded a penalty.

Good pen Rauru.  Not only did was it put away nicely but the shrugging off the Wests banter before the pen was also admirable.

Things were looking up.  For about a minute.  In true Stallions style the ball was turned over on the break, Wests got it out wide and cross was fired in missing everone expect the man strutting about at the far post who tapped it in.

But the Stallions were not yet done for the first half.  After earning a corner Glen put in a superb ball which needed to be deal with by the Wests defence who scrambled it out for another corner.  Glen again put in a magnificent ball and after a goal mouth mellee of some proportion, the mighty Cory managed to squeak the ball into the net, and announced to all and sundry "about f*cking time too".

4-2 half time and not a bad effort all things considered.

The second half was not nearly as exciting.  Only one goal in it (or two if you ask Wests - not sure where they got the last one from), a lot of banter with GP who must have been bullied at school, and a few tired Stallions.

The only other incident really to mention is the reason why this report is being written, and less said about that the better except that it was a complete and utter muff of chip, and an absolute pony moment.  Should have taken the keeper on and "720'd" him as Gus suggested but for some reason the "impossible chip from 25 yards into the top right hand corner" seemed a better option.  It would have been better if I actually got it off the ground.  Live and learn.  The only consolation is that I'm way next week so it will be  few weeks before I put in the pink head band. 

Finally -  I thought the defence toiled hard all day - Joe was tenacious as always and Butch stuck to his man like glue. I thought Glen and Tom both had good games out wide.  Paul had a lot to do and had a great game with lots of telling touches.  Well deserved Stallion.

Overall, even though the Stallions lost, it was still a good effort - if we have that sort on intensity against other opposition in our last few games, we should be home free...

5 or was it 6?

We thought 5, official result says 6 - don't really matter I guess.

What does matter is that Inter have jumped us. Some odd results - Raiders lose, Brooklyn lose.

Stallion - Paul - the double save off the pen, nice.
Pony - Lloyd - that atrocious 1-1 (yeah, that second one).

mvps:
3 - Paul
2 - Lloyd
1 - Tom

Scouting report

This from the Raiders from last week:

Raiders 3 - 8 Wests.
The scoreline wasn't reflective of a game where we got right up Wests' grill and were their equal for much of the match, especially that first half. They got 3 goals in the last 15 minutes to blow the scoreline out.
Anderson was wet and muddy but not as cut up as I thought it would be. We were all talking about a good start and we got it. I decided (personal decision) to absolutely clean one of their players out to let them know we had come to play... and did so about 5 minutes in. I slid for about 10 metres and went straight through their left winger. The ball was somewhere nearby...
Problem was, that brought me under the gaze of the 100-year-old-pants-up-to-his-chin ref, who had a Cap Footy official watching his performance. When I had a set-to with my opposite 10 mi...nutes later, got penalised, and then tried to take the ball away, I got yellowed. Even the Wests bloke thought it was harsh.
Jules put us up 1-0, with Miki, Iain and myself putting through balls for him and Andy T at will, around their pedestrian defence. It was working and Jules put us in the lead with a sweet finish. They equalised quickly but Iain made it 2-1 with a brilliant, curling shot from outside the 18.
We were well in this match, battling hard and nailing the Wests boys at will. They're a good outfit, no doubt, but the Raiders were right up on them quick and they knew it.
They made it 2-2 after 30 mins (I think I made a silly pass in the midfield) and then Wests scored twice before the break.
As I'm sure all their opponent have found this year, you lose the ball or go to sleep or don't get the ball off their wingers, and they make you pay.
That's what they did in the second spell. We had good periods, controlling the ball and passing very, very well despite the conditions, but every time we gave it away, Wests made us pay. Ethan and Karl had tough days in goal.
I really, really enjoyed the game, no matter what the score says. Covered in mud, wet through, knackered, massive bruise on foot and headache after taking a few hits from elbows - loved it! I thought that ref watched me like a hawk and a couple of their lads said plenty of calls went against me after the yellow card.
Miki and Iain were colossal in the centre, Jules and Andy gave their defence plenty to think about (Andy got the 3rd goal after great work from his partner in crime), while our defence worked bloody hard for 90 mins. A tough game against a top side in trying conditions.
Miramar have been playing well and will push us hard for that second spot in the table now. They are 2 points back after dusting BNU yesterday.
 

Like we found out when we played them, make a mistake at the back and you will concede.  Let's just fly into tackles (not like Tom though, that's just sick), especially on their cocky, up-himself, dick head striker Greg Parish (in case any future employers are Googling him, this is only what he's like on the football field.  I'm sure he's much worse off it).  Too much?

LH Green Machine 3, Stallions 1 - shit, shit and shitter

A lot of talk in the changing shed before the game (mainly to avoid the rain and mud), based around the Stallions insipid season - while we are playing ok football at times the spark has gone - and its simply not as much fun. We put this down to a few things - lack of results, playing a lot mid week which takes away the social side, very few pub sessions, waning interest in stallion/pony/fantasy/blog - where are all last season's tactical discussions, great goal celebrations (ironically we are scoring more goals, but celebrating  a lot less). Its all just getting a little serious and dull. Summed up for me in the way out - Butch talked about how he never would have got away with his new spiderman-themed compression pants before this season - but now we rarely even take the piss out of each other - how can I say anything - even if I did point and laugh at spiderman it would have been through gloves.


So, Plan A was to go out and God-damn wallow in the muddy glories of Nairnville Park, have some fun with it, remember why we are here. The sad faces and limping bodies of the Stallions coming off 1-nil down at half time suggested Plan A had failed.

The half started crazy pinball styles - the ball bouncing around, really open, neither team really able to control or assert dominance. Stallions had the best of the early exchanges - a couple OOPs doing well (thats out of position players for you non-fantasy clowns): Despite season upon season of begging, 'Welcome-Back Corey' thought his promotion to attacking mid/striker was a cruel joke, but no - a masterstroke as Corey linked play and held up the ball well, 'Chop em down Joe' played right midfield and put a couple of great balls into the box early on. We were doing ok.

And then their goal - and why I am writing this report. Simple corner, straight to my marker who beat me to the jump and pulled off an amazing /lucky header that somehow managed to loop above Giant Paul. 1-0, the game had changed. My pony status was not so much for conceding the goal, but for seconds before pointing to their 6'6, 120kg monster and saying 'Spence, that's your man, I'll take the little guy'. Karma.

The rest of the half was pretty much LH's - whose off the ball movement, passes into open space and width in attack offered everything we tried but couldn't do. Definitely one of those here we go again feelings.

In what can only be described as another masterstroke or perhaps as act of 'stop nagging, I don't give a f**k anymore', Rauru caved to let me play up front. The first 15 of the second half was probably our best  period - it felt like we had more attack and managed to get our central midfielders into attacking positions, and applied some pressure - leading to a nicely worked team goal with Rauru slipping me a final pass to score from close range. Reminded me a little bit of a goal I scored there in the mud 2 seasons ago where instead of receiving a pass from Rauru I intercepted a weak shot and tapped it in. Oh the bad old days when I was desperate for goals. That was a shit match too - we were 3-nil up at half time and lost 5-3 - Nairnville 2 not our fortress.

1-1 and it felt like we were on top and should win this thing. Well for about 2 minutes. They scored immediately - remind me if I'm wrong here - but I think this was one of two goals conceded off our attacking corners - our F**ken attacking corners! How does that happen? In both cases good attacking corners (Got to get that in there - oh except for that short one with Gus) that caused danger, were cleared and they managed to get to the other end and score. We should have 2 goals conceded tallies - one for goals conceded (which now for the first time this season equals the goals scored), but also goals conceded off breaks - perhaps the reality that we are now getting too old, slow, unfit for this game is coming to get us - maybe we need to transform ourselves into one of those wily old guy teams who play smartly rather than a deluded old guy team who try to play like they are 21?

The game increasingly turned to farce - especially with the referee's no slide rule which lead to some weird decisions - I was penalised for sliding to intercept a pass - no one was around, Joe got pinged for cleaning getting the ball - no danger at all, but then bad arse Tom was rightly given a yellow card for taking a guy out from behind and trying to break his legs - should have been a red. I can't believe that we have such nasty, reckless and pure evil players in the Stallions.

Amongst all of this horror there were some moments of hilarity. The opposition made a call, presumably in Hindi, which Panda enthusiatically translated 'They are playing a sweeper, they are playing a sweeper' - which he made sure everybody heard, but we were non-plussed - it was hardly going to change the way we played - but it sounded like Panda was warning us they were carrying a knife or something, Jason got a big old nuts, Rauru got in a bit of push and shove - and stopped playing, letting them take the ball away from him (I'm sure I saw Rauru kick out at the guy on the ground - but he insists I made that up), Graham did something that everyone laughed about in the pub but I forget, and then there was one of the most bizarre cameos ever witnessed in a football game - Logan came on for the last 20 but turned the whole thing into a circus - summed up when old clown shoes in their box made about 20 twists and turns, went here and there, but then gave the most gentle of pass backs to their keeper.

Soon the game was all over, and theres nothing as bad as taking down the nets in the rain and cold after a bad loss, especially with news filtering down the radio that Marist have won their second game this week putting them on equal points with us and raising the spectre of relegation again. We should be ok, but we are going to need another win and we only have teams left that beat us in round one to go, starting next week with all conquering Wests.


Despite the horror, we went back to the pub for a couple of drinks for the first time in ages - raised the spirits and a reminder of how we should be as a team. Notable that next to us were a much younger Uni Div 10 who played next to us (in our old strip no less), have won their grade, and were all back at the pub fining and getting rowdy. Our conversation was probably more intellectual and held some gems - including Graham observing that I looked like Inesita out there today, less because of control of games and a wild array of passing, than similar haircuts (hey i make jokes at your expense Graham!). Lots of talk about the upcoming EPL and general bullshitting. Good stuff, more please. I reckon this will translate to a huge win against Wests.

Pub gave us a chance to award some points - like the last few, no real star performances to talk through, but it broke down like this:

Stallion: Tangihaere - stirling play as always, saved the old bacon a few times 
Pony: Aaron - could have got out of it but just wanted to wear the headband once this season.

MVPs:
3 - Tangihaere
2 - Lloyd
1 - Aaron

To those of you who ain't done match reports the last 3 weeks, see that wasn't hard. Can't be arsed proofreading it or making sure if any sense is made. Done.

They even beat us in the match report writing...

Since there has been a serious lack of match reports lately, here's one from the Raiders:

Raiders 2 - 0 Uni Stallions.
Another excellent win and the Raiders roll on. There were nervous times (mainly for me) in the leadup, with a few injuries about, but we got 10 on the pitch for kickoff. Jolly (forgot shin pads), Guy (working hard, no doubt) and Matt (fill in) came along eventually and gave us the numbers.
Stallions are not a bad team, I know this from playing them plenty in the past. But, apart from a couple of decent players and a few good periods, they didn't trouble us much on Wakefield last night.
Iain and myself had a lot of time in the midfield, with our opposites misdirecting a lot of passes. Our defence also gave us plenty of good ball, everyone across the back played very well and Karl was assured in goal. I think he had to make one save all night, the Stallions' forw...ards weren't up to much.
It was 0-0 at the half but about 10 minutes into the second spell Iain laid on a superb ball for Andy T, who got square of the goalie and dinked it over him. 1-0 was only what we deserved and then the Raiders kicked into gear. The last 30 minutes was ALL Raiders - we could have had a few more goals, but Iain's effort from outside the box, that hit the underside of the bar (goalie was completely stranded) made it comfortable.
They weren't in the same league as us and it reflected our confidence. The backs moved the ball out of their lines with ease, the midfielders linked well with wide players, and Andy T and Jules were dangerous all night. Jules had a couple of good chances but it just wasn't his night; he and Andy came back for the ball a lot and gave great options.
I've never been grabbed so much at corners or battling for headers (my marker at corners insisted on linking his arm through mine), the Stallions were quite handsy and bullish off the ball. Maybe they should have been concentrating on what their feet were doing instead of touching us up...
Matt and Pavel were excellent subs. Jolly managed to hurt himself landing after a screaming header, and Guy and Grant are in doubt for Saturday. It's getting to that part of the season where people are getting niggles, but we'll get there.
Superb effort all-round. Bring on Suburbs!

Marx claiming offside

So, we've done all the soul searching, philosophising and hypothesising, and still come up with with a 2-0 loss to the raiders. Maybe we're better off leaving it to the experts?

Raiders Tomorow Night

Ok, so last game they squashed us in midfield, ran riot up front, and their backs easily closed down any attack we could muster. Its going to be different this time. Lets turn to the archive for lessons:

http://unistallions.blogspot.co.nz/2010/07/bull-bear-stallions-3-v-uni-raiders-2.html

Clearly, we need Lister firing at goal, G-Mann charging down the middle, and can't afford to let Jason play any fancy football at the back. And mud, lots of mud. God, old match reports are always funny. I can now fess up that yes my pinpoint pass to Tristin was a shanked shot. I feel better getting that off my chest.

Funniest moment is in the comments when Panda celebrates Liverpool signing Joe Cole for 3 years. Ha!

Crazy

Western Suburbs:
Goals for: 80
Goals Against: 25
Goal Differential: 55

Fantasy Update

Yeah, umm, its taken a while, but I have finally updated the Fantasy points. Missing a lot of games and relying on some match reports (some non-existant ones even) doesn't help much, but hopefully there are not too many inaccuracies in this.  So here is the current grand totals (not counting the Inter match which we are still relying on some other mvp points nominations). Few nominations the week before either so I just gave 3 to Paul - the whole 2 people who nominated suggested he deserved them.  Perhaps this is all getting a little too boring and we should stop?

Anyways, here are the totals - not surprising is the runaway leader, and good to see the the D is slowly climbing up the ladder. Obviously this season still remaisn a tough one for the D fantasy wise ...

Rauru	97
Logan	47
Lloyd	47
Paddy	46
Aaron	44
Panda	35
Tom	32
Graham	30
Robin	29
Tangihaere	24
Paul	20
Mike B	13
Spencer	12
Joe	11
Jason	11
Corey	5

The worst start in Stallions history?

God, 14 seconds, not a stallion touched the ball. I'll leave the rest for the pony (can't remember whether it was Lloyd or Tangihaere). Great comeback, relegation banished.

Ok assist help, Rauru provided Glen's 2nd, Paddy the first? Did Tim's have an assist or was it a defensive error?

Righto, only one nomination for mvp points last week, so we need a few for this game - more fun when you win too. Assuming none for Glen, I would probably be thinking Lloyd (3), Paul (2), Robin (1). Damn Robin played well. Great team effort all round, Tristin held up play beautifully, Paddy offered so many more options from the back and still managed to pull off his best shot of the season. Come on, we need a few people to nominate.

The slide continues

Can't comment on the game, but our pony can. Sources tell me it played out like this:

Stallion : Paul - a couple of good 1 on 1 saves, kept us in the game
Pony: Paddy - a 1 on 1 of his own at the other end, ever so gently passed back to their keeper (and a candidate for miss of the season).

Close second: G-Mann with a self imposed Rhino injury (was there a squeel of pain?)

Alright, have finally updated the last few weeks of fantasy points (not much to talk about really), but need some mvps from this game.  Suggestions? Sounds like Paul is a contender.

Inter on Wed - time to set this right. Lets think back to the brilliant free flowing football we played against them in the first round. Can't take them lightly though - they have had some good results the last few weeks.

So this week is a must win. What do we have to do? What's gone wrong?

Brooklyn 7: Stallions 2

No official announcement on Pony has been made, but sometimes things are just so obvious they don't need saying.  Responsible for three goals and could have done better with two more - such are the margins between a trousers-down thrashing and close game between fairly evenly-matched teams.

Conditions were atrocious, but a howling cross-wind didn't favour either team in any given half.  You'd be forgiven for thinking otherwise by the scoreline.  Games started fairly low-key with both teams sharing territory and possession.  Brooklyn won a free-kick just outside our box after one of their players went down under a combination Jason/Corey challenge.  The free-kick was fairly well hit, but my feeble effort to stop it made it look like Riise v Barthez circa 2001.  1:0.

Stallions responded with some real spirit.  A concerted spell of pressure resulted in a cross being turned behind a Brooklyn defender.  Those with a clear view say he didn't get his hand anywhere near it, but the ref had no hesitation in pointing to the spot (although he then seemed to have considerable hesitation about whether he'd made the right call). Rauru showed no mercy, banging the penalty low to the left.  That wasn't the end of it though, Tom appeared to have forgotten that Rauru never misses pens and had encroached looking for a rebound.  Second time around was an action replay - ball in the same spot, keeper going the wrong way - 1:1.

No sooner had we got back in it, I popped up for clanger #2 - letting a cross evade me to one of their players on the back post to slot it past me and nuts Tangihaere on the line just for good measure.  2:1.  Sadly the third wasn't long in coming.  Brooklyn broke down their left.  The ball-carrier attracted all our defenders, so when he slipped a square ball there was one of his team mates just inside the box with seemingly acres of space around him.   Rattled, we went on to concede a 4th pretty promptly too.  A ball over the top eluded the defence and (for a change) I was on my heels.  Was he offside?  No matter, I did my best open door impression and the ball nestled in the net.

And that wasn't even it for the half.  When their striker got the ball with his back to goal 20 yards out there didn't look to be much danger.  Three twists and turns and a thumping shot inside the post proved that looks can be deceiving.  5:1 on the stroke of halftime.  I'm probably doing our attacking threat a disservice here, but I can't really remember us troubling their keeper much after the pen.  Maybe the second half would be better...

Well, we'll never know.  The first 10 minutes or so of the second half were much like the first - fairly even.  Then came a lobbed pass over the top.  An easy take and I was already thinking about how a quick counter could be launched.  What's that?  I've missed the ball completely and now the striker behind me is poking the ball into an empty net?  Sh!t.  In hindsight, I'm not sure if it was that or the hat-throwing strop that followed that was most Pony-worthy.  Either way, comedy goalkeeping has a new benchmark. 

By now the game had taken on the air of a foregone conclusion and neither team could quite rouse themselves to change that.  Rauru had one cleared off the line, someone managed to clear the back fence with an effort, Paddy found the net with another, although it was ruled out for it being an indirect free-kick (despite it looking suspiciously like a foul and the ref not having his hand up).  We even got one back - well played that man (who was easily one of our better players on the day).  Brooklyn, however, weren't happy with us being within four of them and banged in one more just for fun.

Ultimately, it was one of those games best forgotten.  Almost funny that on another day it could have been so different.  We certainly needn't be worried about round two with those guys.  Back at the clubrooms, it was decided that no MVP points could realistically be given, so that's one chore off Aaron's list for the week.  Not even Stallion was football-related - congratulations Graham for a sterling effort as barman. 

Game Day Match Review

No match review from the other week as there was no official Pony awarded, but since I was the only option mooted here goes...

It rained.  Hard.  It was cold.  Very.  I scored.  Again ;).  Paddy got the assist.  Again.  Lloyd did a 920.  And still had the ball.  The had young fuckers.  Who were lippy.  I fell over.  Someone blew on me.  Didn't throw an albatross (or did I?).  They scored.  Damn it.  Final whistle.  Their coach celebrated like they had won (and actually said "That's as good as a win for me boys").

Another game similar to Wainui.  Not really a lot happened and left feeling a bit deflated having given up points to the bottom of the table.  They were a good team though and placed some good football, always trying to construct from the back.  In hindsight we should have pressed them harder in midfield as their strikers weren't that dangerous and our defenders had them covered.  Bring on this avos game.  It's damn cold (again) but we need to get the win against what seems like a good team.

Another day, another draw

Against the lowest team in the grade.  Not good enough, but we obviously didn't cope to well in those atrocious conditions. Joe, Tom - you got off lightly!

Great goal though - one for the ages - pin point cross from Paddy, great header from Rauru. One for the best of the season?

I would imagine Stallion would probably have to come out of that. Any other nominations?

As for pony, I am still howling with laughter at Rauru dropping to the ground head in hands as though he had been punched in the face. Hollywoood. One to add to this reel:

Any other nominations? And some MVPS please - haven't done the fantasy tally for a bit (often happens when I get 2 point games), but will once we sort these.

Uni Stallions 1 Vs 1 North Wellingtin Clarets Wakefied pk#2 02.06.2012 7.30pm

If it wasn't for me we could have had all three (points). if we had a striker who could score we could have won by four (goals). but alas you see it wasn't to be, after 90 minutes of football a bore draw had we.
Their midfield was good but ours was better, Lloyd always solid Paddy is quite clever.
Our Defenders ran themselves into the ground with Tangi barking orders they were the best back 4 around
so now ends my little ditty if you didn't get a mention please don't get ...

So umm we scored when their goalie cleared the ball out to tom ? and left an open goal for him to bang the ball into.
They scored after the shot i initially saved  rolled under my body and dribbled into the net about the only way they looked like scoring if i'm honest

Stallions(Tom or paddy ? 25mins) 1 - 1 North Wellington Clarets(some bugger or is it an oggie? 75mins)

Draw

Hey, we played well against a good team with a couple of real skilful and fast players. Feels like we dropped points but it was a good effort. Still sitting in mid table at 5th, the 2 games vs Brooklyn will be a big factor in where we end up.

And backing it up on Wed night (so Gus, you are playing again today, that is going to make it 3 games in 6 days -what a nice warm up for Euro). And saying that those of you in the Euro fantasy comp have a couple of hours this  morning to make your player bids. If it seems confusing don't worry - even a fantasy king of the world such as myself doesn't really know what the hell is going on.

Back to the Stallions. Unfortunately there was only really 1 pony moment of mention. Sorry Corey, but that match report is coming from you. It was real tough and you had a great game apart from that moment. Fark  - I'm sure we all felt for you.

Right, we need some mvps before Wed. Nominate here - for me have to be Tangihaere for 3, a huge game (as always). Jason stood out too, especially in that first half. I guess its hard to award much up front where we struggled to make much and got a fortuitous (if brilliantly struck) goal - but I though Ropbin played well, charging around up there. Spoiled slightly by that attempt to get that guy handballed for just stopping it from going over the sideline. Am I recalling correctly that Butch then put it down for the freekick? Stallions, keeping it classy.

The Ginger Diver

In typical stallions fashion 3 people at the ground with only 20 minutes til kick off assessed the turf as soft.  Gradually trickling in the boys looked amped (at  1 mW – roughly the power of a small hearing aid) and ready for the game.

With pony geared up with a lovely offwhite, freedom fighter graced sweatband and matching arm band, Panda finally abandoning the mystery van’s heater, we took the field. What a motley looking crew indeed. A few blasts over the post, while the central midfield practised their pinpoint passing and suddenly Fidel had blown the whistle much to both his, and our, surprise.

Justin Bieber and his BFF made a slick passing move straight through the advancing midfielders, with aplomb. A sign of things to come, it came to nothing – mopped up easily with excellent positional play, great communication and a gargantuan game by the back line.

Although slick passing the norm, fortunately for the stallions, their final pass was absent to say the least. A few shots from outside the box either went well over the top, were deflected by defenders, or in the case of Paul ‘the cat’ Kilford saved brilliantly.

A good ole fashioned tug o war ensued with pressing runs going in both directions.  Until Tangihaere let Beiber go around him, only the once and for half a step further bringing him down with a delicate sledge hammer swing around the ankles. Penalty Miramar. 1-0.

Heads not down at all, the stallions were able to answer almost straight away, Rauru opened up his account early with a well finished goal, followed by another, then some other blokes scored, before Rauru  was able to get both the hat trick and his fourth goal.

Unfortunately for this writer, with so many goals coming from Rauru’s boot, (and god forbid, his head) they have all become a blur. Not mention the concussion received when this writer was viciously shoulder charged by a 6foot 3(around the middle) angry Irishman, who moments before had stopped Lloyds’s  second attempt this year to set a record 810° turn, with a wildly inaccurate swinging arm.

Booked for the first and second infringement, he was asked to leave the field. This started a tirade of misdirected childlike insults regarding the colour of a certain attacking midfielder’s hair (yes I do have red hair, thanks for noticing, but I can dye it – you, me old china plate, will always be a tosser), and his sexual orientation (there was a fair amount of crying in the loo this week over that one). Insults, seemingly having no effect, meant the tackles became harder and more illegal (Bieber and his BFF were seen holding hands discussing the best way to take out old ginge) in complete disrespect for the game.  

Nonetheless there were hand shakes after the game and promises to ‘get me’ never materialised, though I bet Miramar will be looking forward to the return fixture with relish.

Never let the truth (or details) get in the way of a story I say. 

For posterity you may comment on what actually happened. (Goals only - the sending off occurred exactly as written here, apart from some theatrics that had no impact on the sending off whatsoever -he really hurt my head, and the so-called smile was a grimmace)

Rauru, Fergie stole our Stallion/pony celebration!

Stolen from the VUWAFC facebook page:

Certainly not the same old Stallions

Just seen that I started this a month or so ago but never posted it.  Things have changed slightly since I started this post, but the question stands (and is one Tangihaere asked me on Saturday about my goal scoring), what's different about this season?  Very little in terms of personnel, but a lot in terms of results.  Thoughts?

2011: P18 W9 D5 L4 GF32 GA25
2012 (after 5 games): P5 W2 D0 L3 GF20 GA21

A quarter of the way through the season and we've scored two thirds of the goals we did last season but have conceeded more than three quarters of the goals. With more or less the same team, what has been the difference?

Wow

Raiders go down to bottom of the table Marist (who we put 10 against).  Here's their match report:

"Raiders 1 - 2 Marist Inter @ Wakefield.
Well, another game that we could have played better, let's just say that. That's our first loss on the turf this season and we've now given the bottom two teams their only wins. Amazingly we've beaten everyone above us, aside from Wests of course. But hey, we're likely to be no worse than 5th - the other games to finish this round are BNU v Lower Hutt (they're both above us in the table) and either the Clarets or Wainui are likely to go 4th, whomever wins that one.
I hold my hand well and truly up for the loss tonight - had two or three chances with the boot from outside the box and Guy and Iain swung over nice crosses but my heading was off. I think the 'keeper tipped one over the bar. For my troubles I have a splitting headache after their goalie c...ollected me in the second half.
At the moment we're short of a little confidence and last passes and timing (which we had in spades in the opening games) is lacking. People are not putting their foot on the ball and thinking about where the ultimate destination for it is. Too much wellying and low-percentage passes. But you gotta think that we were well off tonight and only lost 2-1, their first goal was pure bullshit.
The Raiders I know will not let two losses and a draw in three games knock us over and we're one half of football away from getting the mojo back. Chins up, let's dig deep to get that sharpness back and give Lower Hutt a good hiding on Saturday."

Fantasy Points as Stallions Hit Six

I'm taking it upon myself in the absence of the Fantasy Points collecter to change some of the rules. I'm not sure if we did it last year but I remember talking about it at some stage that the D should get points if they conceed only 1 and we still win. We decided that they should get 6 points if we don't conceed, and I thought it was 2 if we conceed only 1 but still win. It seems wrong that the D dominated as much as they did against a team with decent strikers and only gets 2 points. So I'm changing it, and if Aaron doesn't like it too bad. He's not fantasy champion anymore, there's a new top dog in town...

Paul - 2pts 60+, 2pts 1 goal win, 1pt 3+ saves = 5pts
Panda - 2pts 60+, 2pts 1 goal win = 4pts
Tangihaere - 2pts 60+, 2pts 1 goal win, 2bp = 6pts
Graham - 2pts 60+, 2pts 1 goal win, 3bp = 7pts
Corey - 2pts 60+, 2pts 1 goal win = 4pts
Spencer - 2pts 60+, 1pt 1 goal win = 3pts (played half game D)
Rob - 2pts 60+, 5pts goal, 1bp = 8pts
Tom - 2pts 60+, 3pts assist = 5pts
Paddy - 2pts 60+, 3pts assist = 5pts
Lloyd - 2pts 60+, 6pts 2x assist = 8pts
Gus - 2pts 60+, 4pts goal = 6pts
Rauru - 2pts 60+, 3pts assist, 16pts 4x goal = 21pts

Stallion = Paul.  Huge save at a critical time in the game.  Would have made it 3-2 or 2-2 (can't remember) and they would have gone into the break with bit more confidence.

Pony = Gus.  Un-Stallion like behaviour.  As a striker who likes a bit of lip though, I can kinda relate.  I wouldn't have dropped to the ground like a pussy like you did to get the guy sent off though.  I only do that when being tackled ;)

Because this is Gus 3rd Pony though, and his last match report was unusual at best, I think Tangihaere should write up the match report since we never got one from him last time and he gave away his 3rd penalty of the season.  A "Heard on the Sidelines" would be "I just wish I smashed him harder!"

Undertakers Undertaken

Gus raises a glass at the post match drinks.

So, the annual trip to Wainuiomata. Cue jokes about slack jawed yockels... ...except this time around it was our own yockel Gus who managed to make the Stallions look like the slack jawed,  forgetting his false front tooth.

Unfortunately the Undertakers were not about to look the Stallions (or "Gift Horses", as we turned out to be), in the mouth. Speaking of Gift horses, the long heralded Stallion stick made its début, with inaugural recipient Tom bringing it out onto the field of play.

The start was all the more auspicious when Spencer pulled up lame during the warm up. Given what was to follow, he'd probably have preferred to be shot than sit though it.

This going was very soft under foot after much rain during the week, so we needed all the subs we could get to push through.

We did dominate the early exchanges, however with Paddy recently recovered from his hamstring injuries and Gus playing a more advanced version of his "Walking Midfielder" role up front, the balls over the top through the middle which have become something of a Stallions staple were not having the desired effect.

Early subs saw Paddy, Robin and Graham all off as the Stallions tried to create something going forward. At one point we did, which almost became a bit too much for Paddy whose high pitched voice had Rob enquiring whether he had injured more than just his hammy in recent weeks.

A slightly bizzare clearance/back pass from Jason was an early candidate for the Pony, as having received the ball forward of his own penalty area and under no pressure at all he proceeded to boot it out for a corner.

However worse was to come, as Graham replaced Aaron in the Defensive Midfielder role and proceeded to  put a big chop on one of their players outside and to the left of our penalty area. It turns out that the player chopped had his season ended by a similar chop in the corresponding fixture last season, but we're glad to report he wasn't so badly affected this time around. The Pony moment then came with Graham at the left edge of the wall, anticipating the ball being struck to his left, moved in that direction, only to see the ball go exactly where he had been positioned. His blushes were partially spared by Paul making a good save, however the lingering impression among some that he had moved to spare himself impact would have to be taken on the chin, as would the Pony paraphernalia.

Wainui opened the scoring when their big centre forward, under attention from both Tangihaere and Graham and with his back to goal, somehow squeezed a pass across the face which found his unmarked strike partner. Paul had no chance with the shot from close range, and the Undertakers were ahead.

We've been full of goals all season, and there was plenty of confidence that the game was there to be won at half time. However, it is fair to say we struggled with the pitch conditions, and were unable to make many chances. There were a few enterprising runs made, however we seemed to get fewer crosses into the box than we managed corners. As the game wore on, we pushed more players up leaving space in behind; it has to be said here that the defence played very well in nullifying their attempts to make use of this space.

It finished 1-0, tragedy turning to farce when we found ourselves waiting in the cold outside their closed clubrooms, only to figure out that they were not coming to open up until after they'd warmed themselves in the changing room showers. We finally gave up and went to the local down the road.

Go Harriet!

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=394544030584937

A shame the Stallions have never given Harriet much to cheer about at KP. Though i do recall her laughing when Paddy screwed up once.

Shit day out

Wainui 1, Stallions zip. Couldn't get anything going. A few upsets in the grade too, we lost a chance to make up ground on the leaders.

Stallion: The first time I can remember there was not a single Stallion-worthy moment raised so it went to Tangihaere, who played generally well.
Pony: G-Mann (I'll let you explain this in the match report since there seemed to be so varying opinions on it ...)

MVPs:
3 - Tangihaere
2 - Joe
1 - Paul

Rauru, I think we need a blog post explaining the history and usage behind the new stallion stick.

There will be no fantasy update this week since everybody got 2 apart from the MVPs who got between 3 and 5.

Just noticed that the div 6 ladder has us only winning 2 games this season. Unless I'm wrong we have beaten Inter and the 2 Nth Wgtn sides. Rauru, better get that changed!

Fantasy vs Nth Wgtn Claret

Home on a friday night counting up Rauru's points, very, very sad.

Haven't got that missing assist.
 

Paul	60+, 1 (3+ saves), -1 (2 goals)	2
Tangihaere	60+, -1 (2 goals)	1
Jason	60+, -1 (2 goals)	1
Mike B	60+, -1 (2 goals)	1
Graham	60+, -1 (2 goals)	1
Joe	60+, -1 (2 goals)	1
Aaron	60+	2
Lloyd	60+, 2 assists	8
Robin	60+, 1 bp	3
Panda	60+	2
Tom	60+, 5 (MF goal)	7
Logan	60+, 5 (MF goal), -1 card, 2 bps	8
Rauru	60+, 12 (3 goals), 3 (assist), 3bps	20

That's quite a haul again Rauru, well played Sir.

Here's the top of the table, not quite as close as last week!

Rauru 56
Aaron 38
Logan 35
Lloyd 29
Paddy 25

Cristiano Ronaldo scores hat-trick as Real Madrid hammer Sevilla

Real Madrid's Rauru Walker celebrates after scoring against Sevilla during the crushing 6-2 victory. Photograph: Angel Fernandez/AP

Rauru Walker scored his fifth cap 6 hat-trick of the season as University stallions brushed off my 44th-minute yellow card to secure a crushing 6-2 victory at Johnsonvilla and move back above all those teams below us. Rafa Walker’s side surrendered first place to the Raiders several weeks ago, flailing into a 3 game losing streak.

The Raiders, chasing a Cap 6 title, have been in action at the Club World Cup in Japan this week and meet Brazilian side Santos in the final on Sunday. The League’s top scorer Walker, whistled by his own fans and criticised by the whinging contingent after a poor performance in the warm up, took his league tally to 8 goals, three more than the Raider's world player of the year Lionel Messi.

Tom was able to latch onto a long ball across the goal, taking out North Wellington’s keeper and his right incisor all in one blur of arms and legs.

The Stallion’s second came after NW’s goalie inexplicably adopted ‘The Thinker’, balancing the ball on his fingertips, allowing thief in the night Walker to nod it into the goal.

The Stallion’s third came in bizarre circumstances after Davies had cruelly bodychecked, then hip thrown, a dainty left back to the ground well inside the box. Opposition vanquished and writhing on the ground, Davies had rotated his customary 720° and was going for a record 810° turn (shooting hadn’t crossed his mind) when he was stopped in his tracks by the shrill Tang whistle. After contemplating what he had done for longer than right minded people should, Tang awarded a penalty. Before anyone had realised what was happening, Gustona (another thief in the night) already had the ball placed on the spot and was going through his penalty preparations (visualising the ball in the net, blocking out the crowd and staring at the left corner knowing full well that top right corner is the only option with his dickey knee, hammy and left ankle (list annotated to save space) ed.). Fortunately the keeper moved well before the ball was kicked and Gustona kicked it where the keeper wasn’t.

The Stallions goal post had earlier produced two brilliant saves to deny Manu del Moral and Piotr Trochowski. Del Moral had squandered North Wellington's best effort when, with The Stallions leading 1-0, he somehow skewed wide in front of an open goal (not that open, Paul was there somewhere but my view is obscured, trying to fit in some reality into this stolen news item).

Stallions were cruising with a 3-0 lead early, before attacking centre mid Gustona got yellow card for suggesting the ref was not only a tool, but also wrong and partially sighted. Helped by Walker, Gustona placed the ball kindly for the opposition free kick, where the offence had taken place. Unfortunately for Gustona, the free kick was awarded for offside, and the ball he had placed was 2 metres in his own half.

Jesús Navas pulled one back for the hosts in the 34th minute but it was all Stallions in the second half, with Walker completing his treble with a penalty after being brought down clumsily in the box.

The Stallions were forced to defend for long periods at the end of the second half but North Wellington were caught out in the 66th minute when Lloyd Davies trickled the ball into a defender who obligingly deflected the ball into the back of the net for the visitors' fourth from a well taken Gustona corner (come back soon Paddy, I can’t keep taking these corners).

Walker chipped in The Stallions sixth three minutes later in a fantastic football display of well balanced strength and finesse. The Innkeeper was then called to warn them of our imminent arrival, so they could get some beer in, put the heater on and get the chip oil to temperature. Walker, who has been accused of failing to perform in the big games, said his three goals served to "shut the mouths" of those who had criticised him. "I don't care what people say I just do my job. I have shown that I am focused on the team. Those who criticise me don't understand football. We played well and are the leaders at Christmas which means our goal has been achieved."

The Stallions stay fifth but will be overtaken by Lower Hutt if the ambitious Qatar-owned club avoid defeat on Sunday at third-placed Raiders, who will themselves be chasing a victory that would cut the gap with Western Suburbs to four points.

The Stallions play Wanuiomata, in the bustling metropolis over the hill in the late game on Saturday. Walker will be hoping to add to his tally, and those chasing the golden boot will eye it as a chance to catch up.

 All facts, characters, lies, untruths, insults, big ups in this story bear no resemblance to accuracy or reliability at all. Nor do they represent anyone’s view in the stallions, including the author. Neither did the events occur as written here, but exist only in hazy, mist filled memory banks of the author.

What a finish!

And no, I'm not talking about the EPL.

Aaron's despair when he realised he'd left Jelavic on the bench

The end of the '11-'12 Fantasy EPL season caused as much drama as the real action itself.  While most of the season didn't cause too much drama with Bridesmaid XI, managed by Rafa Walker, being out in front from the word 'go', the end caused a few hearts to flutter.

With only 3 gameweeks to play the Bridesmaids had a comfortable 40-odd point lead over 005 (managed by Arry Lister).  Energy247nz (managed by Alex Goodall) was a further 10 points back, with Lachlan Jol rounding out the Champions League spots another 20-odd points back.  The lead was so comfortable that Lister ever conceded defeat via Twitter (imagine if politicians did that!).

All hell was to break loose though in a round when 8 teams had double headers, and the tweet mysteriously disappeared.  005, with nothing to lose, selected a certain Spanish Scouser reject who went on to bag a hatrick.  He also had R VdV as his captain who earned double points over two games where he scored two, had an assist as well as a nice handful of bonus points.  Jelavic (who it was rumoured would later refuse to play due to wage demands) also bagged a double while Mata got 4 (yes 4) assists in a 6-1 rout over QPR.  All of this meant that an imposing 116 score was posted and the once mighty lead was reduced to...zero.  With 2 game weeks to go, it was all tied up at the top.

The penultimate round found the aforementioned Spanish reject come up with nothing as his team of dickheads and cheats lost 4-1 at the mighty Liverpool, while cross town neighbours Everton played out a bore draw with Wolves meaning Jelavic came up with nothing.  005 panicked and made 2 subs during the week which cost him 4 points (while returning very little), while Bridesmaids XI kept their cool and made just the one free sub.  At the end of the round it stayed close with Bridesmaids clawing back a 3 point lead.

The final round is one that will give Arry and his 005 team nightmares for years to come.  Inexplicably Arry chose to make another 2 subs which cost him another 4 points, as well as keep the previously consistent Jelavic on the bench in favour of the 'hot then not' Torres who wasn't even guaranteed much game time in a Chelsea outfit with an eye on the Champions League final.  The extra sub was used to bring in a personal favourite of Arry (some might even say his man-crush), Moses.  Unfortunately for Arry, Moses failed to part the defense and only scored 1 point in a 57min appearance.  Torres also only picked up 1 point for playing a 22 minute cameo.  The star of the show was Jelavic who picked up a goal and 2 bonus points in an 8 point haul.  For reasons unknown to anyone however, Arry decided to bench his star player.  Some say there were wage demands, others say Arry benched him to accommodate his man-crush, others still say he was benched for not scoring the week before despite scoring 7 goals in 6 games at one point.  Whatever the reason, Arry must feel sick.  The 7 extra points that Jelavic earned over Torres would have been enough to tie with Bridesmaids, and if he had remained calm and composed and not made the extra subs in the final two weeks we would quite probably be looking at different winner.

As it was, Bridesmaids XI, like City in the real game, held their nerve when it counted and did what had to be done to get the result, and just like in the actual EPL, good prevailed over evil.  The Bridesmaids have become the Brides.

The rest of the table had Goodall and Lepper rounding out the CL spots, Hinkley coming in 5th despite missing the first two weeks, with Mead, Aitofi taking to relegation spots and the ironically named 'Team Winning' managed by Kilford getting the ol spoon.

Newcastle were the stars of the Bridesmaid outfit with Krul and the defenders picking up valuable points early on with Ba and Cisse being rotated in and out to drastic effect.

As a side note, Joey Barton has got to be the biggest twat there is.  He tweeted after the game "Once I'd been sent off, one of our players suggested I should try to take 1 of theirs with me..."

Fantasy EURO2013 is just round the corner.  Who's gonna take on the champ?  Bring it.