Sunday, March 23, 2008

An (Epic) History, By B Hodges

In September 2001 the world changed. 2 planes crashed in to the World Trade Centre, killing 3000 people, a global war on terror ensued.

Commentators point to the U.S.'s foreign policy and the increasing divide between the have and the have-nots as precursors to the events of September 11th.

However, had not a bunch of Weir House residents and wardens decided to form the Uni Stallions some 6 months later the world may now have been at peace.

Why these lads, with an obscene lack of football skills, should have chosen to form a football team is uncertain.

What is known, is that in 2001 the prophet Faq-i-Needa Bair had a vision the Stallions were coming, and that the awful displays of the Stallions in their first season would shake the football world to its knees - the Stallions had to be stopped.

In September 2001 Bair dispatched the Afghani-Pakistan Border Region Sunday Pub League death squad to New Zealand via hijacked planes in New York for a preemptive strike on Weir House the whore building of Stallions spawn . Bair's and the world's hope of Stallions annihilation was denied by the twin towers... I case of hitting the posts and out one might say.

And so it came to pass in 2002 18 losses from 18 games. The beautiful game desecrated.

Packed with cricket and rugby players, the Stallions abysmal run continued in the 2003 season. But hope- a draw or two, a win as well.

2004: upper lower table

As a few footballers joined campaigns improved

2005 Lower mid table

2006 Upper mid table and recognition - V.U.W.F.C. Team of the Year

Stallions' football has developed its own lexicon and culture; doing a "Rauru Albatross", a "Julesirelli Twinkle", a "Hodges Toe-Hack", or simply a "Ben Brooks", just some of the expressions attempting to capture the almost unspeakable horrors of Stallions play.

As testament to the abject horror of the Stallions squad, a weekly prize of a pink headband or "the Pony" award (to be worn by the winner at the next game) is awarded based on the most despicable, pathetic, convoluted, or ridiculous performance/ pre-match utterance/event.

Fear and loathing has resulted in the Pony's securing a corner of the Club Rooms each Saturday for their own, the corner is known simply as"the Stables" or the "Knackers Yard"

The Stallions now have a cell in at least one other country, and across two sporting codes (Football and Cricket). Proliferation of other Stallions codes is expected with current Stallion players in either code having first right of refusal to join the team.

Stallions Highlights:
In 2004 an Olympic player waving his testicles at the team and offering them for breakfast- for the record the invitation was politely declined.
2007 Ben Hodges managing to start( but not take part in) a fight in a match he was just wandering past (Marist Inter v Uni Raiders)

No comments: