Has Your Mum Fed You?

Well Olympic, has she?

Another good win, 5 from 5 in Div 5.

For the record (and to get things right for the update - I need some assist help), and to help G's match report:

Goals:
Tom, assist - Rauru?
Logan, assist?
Aaron, assist Olympic incompetence
Rauru, assist Lloyd
Carrick, assist?

Stallion: Graham's seeking of extra penetration on the field
Pony: Gerald for a litany of apparently pony-worthy stuff, I just can't recall.

Looks like the season is about to get real now though, other results suggest some of the teams we are yet to play have woken up: Upper Hutt 6-1 over Marist, Karori putting 9 past Naenae, and the Accies 7-zip over Eastbourne.

Was just going to write in a bog parody "GO HARD" sign off, but I suspect it might read seriously.

Stallions 7 - 1 Petone Chicago

Nuff said

In all fairness this report should be written by a certain Mr Pringle but since we don't let ring-ins write match reports, I'll do the honors after a couple of bad misses against Marist.

Not too much to say other than Smashed 'em Bro.  The final score line was probably flattering on Petone as we could have been 5-1 up easily at half time, and at least 10-1 up at full time.  There were honestly that many chances that went begging.

After a week and a half my memory is hazy on the goals and assists and the order they came in but this is how I remember it.

1-0 - It started well with Carrick getting on the end of a through ball before getting brought down in the box, with the ref having no problem in awarding our first penalty in over a year.  I stepped up and put it away.

2-0 - A short corner from Paddy to Carrick, the defence backed off so Carrick decided to smash it straight at the head of the guy standing on the near post who happily ducked out of the way.

Lots of misses.  I missed one when a cross got whipped in from the right.  Came to my left on which I hit first time from 8 yards but pushed it wide.  Anything on target would have been a goal.  Lloyd was also denied once (twice?) as his shot from inside the box was just deflected wide.  Another year of goalless frustration from Lloyd?

3-0 - Carrick with another one but can't really remember how it happened.  Came down the right hand side this time I think.

3-1 - Dan does his best Stevie G impersonation.  No, not the blazing long ball to the full backs who are rushing forward on the overlap, the other Stevie G impersonation.  The one that no Liverpool fan will ever talk about but will also never forget.  With our defenders trying to play total football this sort of thing is gonna happen from time to time I guess and it happened again here.  The D was trying to switch the play, ball gets passed to Dan, he takes a touch and lets it roll past him and an attacker nips it and beats Paul with the 1-1.

Half time oranges.  Paul comes off saying he's feeling sick.  I'd feel sick after giving up a clean sheet like that too ;).  Graham into goal.

4-1 - A 'lost cause' is fought hard from Gus who with the ball looking like it's going out for a goal kick manages to put in an up-and-under.  Keeper and someone challenge for the ball, keeper spills, defender mis-hits a clearance which floats to the edge of the 18 yard where Bakkie comes flying in a strikes it on the (half?) volley into the back of the net.  Great strike and contender for goal of the season (even if the net was completely empty)

5-1 - Through ball put in, I get on the end of it, have a shot blocked by the keeper near the middle of the goal, ball rolls out to the corner of the 18 yard, I turn and put in a pi$$ weak shot that dribbles towards the goal, which the retreating keeper goes to collect and somehow manages to walk over the top of it.  Contender for worst goal of the season.

6-1 - Throw from near half way, their defender doesn't clear, I pick it up and take off.  From somewhere I hear Paddy yell "LLOYD!!" and look up to see Lloyd to my left steaming down the middle of the park like he had been all day.  Keeper comes out, I tap in into the path of Lloyd who can't do anything other than put in into the empty net.  Duck is broken (actually, I think he got one in the first week so ignore all my "Lloyd can't score" jibes.  No doubt Lloyd recounts the stories of his goals to his daughters every night before they go to bed to remind them who the goal scorer of the house it).

7-1 - Dying stages of the game, ball is cleared to me around half way, I turn and chip it over their CB, Carrick runs on to it and makes no mistake.  Game, set, match.

In amongst all this there's lots of moaning going on from Petone who aren't happy there are rolling subs, even though ref said to us at beginning of the game there was.  Didn't exactly make a difference as we spanked them.  Great start to the season.  Lots of goals at both ends which makes us more and more like Liverpool by the day.

Now I don't want to preempt the match report, but ...

I couldn't resist sending a 'f**k you losers, Stallions crushed you' message  to a guy I know in Marist Skins. Here's his response (sounds like he was an 'influential figure'):

'I wouldn't say crushed, A victory was had for sure, yet, we had total dominance in the second half and the ref was making some horrible calls against us, so, I wouldn't say crushed.

Your team is good though, number 4 played well, and, I "fouled" No 9 the captain for the penalty, yet, when I say "fouled", I mean I got the ball and nicked it back to the keeper on the slide and then the ref gave a pen. I put in the cross for the calamity O.G that was scored, was a good game!

You guys look a good team though, and played well, shame you weren't playing, could of kicked you, lol!'

And when I told him the message was going to the blog he added:

'Yeah, Definitely do so. Also, can you add that your Captain even admitted it was a foul, but didn't chip the Pen over the bar like a real sporting hero, it instead struck a superb finish down to the keepers bottom right, was a great pen!'

All I can say is that my mortal enemy Heath better not have been number 4. That guy sucks.

Interesting Analysis, especially for Liverpool fans

Over on Nate Silver's blog here.

Great win last night BTW Stallions!

Match Report: Stallions 4 - 3 Naenae

The Pony post from our beloved Heath
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 My debut pony arrived in the first game of the year last season. As least this year I made it to the second week.

This week's game was located in the legal-high capital of NZ - Naenae. Playing conditions were marvellous apart from foot-long grass which made passing a challenge. The opposition looked young and fast but thankfully the dirty-old-men insults were just an Eastbourne tactic. Or perhaps it was the fact that Paddy, Lloyd, Carrick and Tim were missing. That’s almost 160 years of experience missing. Geezus.

 We started well, making the most of a low key warm-up to blitz the first 10 minutes. Some great play around the sides resulted in an extremely agile run down the left wing from Bakie. With no room to work with, he crossed the ball into the path of a retreating defender who, unable to clear the ball from the goalmouth, could only watch as Rauru completed the follow up. 1-0.

It didn’t take long for Naenae to respond. A powerful warning shot from 30 yards was followed by a thunderbolt from the same distance. The ball clipped the underside of the cross bar and Paul stood no chance. Lesson learned - perhaps we'll start defending from further out.

Naenae then went 2-1 up after breaking through the middle. Tangihaere decided he'd already saved enough goal chances and called on Paul to front up. Unfortuantely Paul was still 30m from the ball and was powerless to a lobbed shot. Lesson learned - we need more goals.

Tragedy then struck as Bakkie went down with an over-laden little toe. With only the bare 11, all eyes truned to Gus on the sideline, still in his no.1s after a big Friday night. Despite strict instructions from his missus not to take the field, Gus pulled on his boots and strutted out. I assumed Gus couldn't bear to watch his fellow Stallions battle away with 10 men. He later confessed that a vacant striking slot was too mouth-watering to turn down.

Stallions went to the break knowing they would benefit from downhill conditions in the second half. The call was made for Route 1 football. Back to basics.

The second half started well. I managed to fashion a shot on goal and while there was acres of room to slot it inside the RH post, I smashed it straight at the keeper. Such poor direction caught the keeper by surprise and he could only parry it into the left hand corner. I apologised for such an awful shot. The keeper apologised to me for a poor save. It was a strange exchange.

We then went ahead. A lovely ball from [?] put Rauru through on goal and he cooly slotted his 2nd. 3-2 Stallions.

Naenae then pressed and when a stray cross flew towards our goal, I rose to help it on its way over Paul's outstretched arms and beneath the bar. Pony locked-in. First own goal in 30 years of football.

At 3-3, we pressed up-field to win numerous corners and free-kicks. Then, we only moments left, the ball emerged from the Naenae goalmouth. I nicked the ball from the path of an advancing Azza (who had a certain shot on goal - and even had his shirt half-off in anticipation of a goal celebration) and passed to Tom who chipped to the keeper. Most of the Stallions turned away to ready themselves for the restart only to find the keeper had somehow forgotten to catch the ball (perhaps with his mind on the next play). This description doesn't really do the whole incident justice but the result was everyone feeling slightly embarrassed and the Stallions winning 4-3.

Great games from everyone around the park. Particularly a great debut from Tharron in the middle, Tangihaere at the back and Glen filling in on the right.

Close pony-worthy moments 1. Glen for admitting he went for a 15km run before the game. 2. Gus for his yellow card dissent (geez, if you're going to get one, make it worse than that).

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For those of you that missed it, Heath's OG looked a little like #8 in this. The fight that happened afterwards is also reminiscient of Aaron and Heath's fight which should really claim the assist for Tom's goal, rather than Heath's pass. #3 is kinda similar to Heath's goal as well: To be fair to Heath, he could have almost claimed Stallion as well with his goal which is pretty similar to a lot of these goals, in particular the one at 5:40. Should also be pointed out that Paul went from zero to hero. Nice work Paul! A big save at a big time of the game.

2 from 2

Another good win yesterday Stallions, especially considering we all (well most of us) had to play the full 90!

Stallion: Paul - that great monster of a 1 on 1 save, no way that was getting through.
Pony: Heath follows up his half time comment that there were plenty of opportunities to head back to the keeper with a brilliant headed own goal. Look forward to the match report.

Oh yeah, and we are top of the table:

CURRENT LADDER

POS	TEAM	P	W	D	L	F	A	GD	PTS
1	Victoria University Stallions	2	2	0	0	8	6	2	6
2	Waterside Karori Boomers	2	2	0	0	5	3	2	6
3	Brooklyn Northern United Reserves	2	1	1	0	6	2	4	4
4	Victoria University Accies	2	1	0	1	6	3	3	3
5	Wellington Olympic	2	1	0	1	5	3	2	3
6	Naenae	2	1	0	1	5	4	1	3
7	Upper Hutt City	2	0	1	1	1	3	-2	1
8	Eastbourne	1	0	0	1	3	4	-1	0
9	Marist Skins 2G	1	0	0	1	1	5	-4	0
10	Petone Chicago	2	0	0	2	1	8	-7	0

Awesome. Stallion-like even