I think this is Gus's match report from the Sea Captains game

It's got a David Lynch feel - I'm sure it weaves together about 3 different games, has no idea with what actually happened, and perhaps at some point Logan stops to share peyote with his spirit animal. Its a bit weird, but here goes:

A more flattering view of everyone's favourite ginger pony

The Stallions started in their usual shemozzle fashion going two nil down all too quickly. Had I known the ridicule one faces when volunteering, out of the goodness of one’s heart to support the club, only to be awarded the grand shame of pony, I would have paid (more? Some?) attention to the game.

So, like many other of my pony reports, the details will be known only to those players with a passion for stats, tactics and how to play fantasy football. So who knows how the Pirate Sea Captain scored their first goal? Likely a breakaway after losing possession deep in the opposition half or perhaps a leprechaun trying to dribble out of left back -definitely not a chip the keeper scenario however.

The second goal was easily slotted from the penalty spot although I suspect Graham did get a palm to it. A scurvy for’ward was tripped near the sideline and incredibly defied gravity falling sideways into the penalty area (about 2-3 metres away) to claim a penalty kick.

Gradually climbing back into the game the boys in black (a big thanks to #Welmantechnologies) made forays into opposition territory stringing some nice passes together. Lloyd worked well through the middle and was supported excellently by both Dan and Gerald who both had a lot of puff in their sails. This led to Gerald's headed goal which is a contender for team goal of the year and more than enough to earn him the title of Stallion (are you going to put some options up on the blog Aaron?). It all starting from a throw-in from inside our own half followed by some excellent link work through the middle. Bakkie is said to have made the assist.

Next up a penalty was awarded to the Stallions after Lloyd was scythed down on a mazy run, and Bakkie calmly slotted home. More shouts of “aaargh, that be a penalty” were heard midway through the second half but this aging defender had earned himself a free hand ball in the box. This was achieved by befriending the referee before kick off by casually asking him to clarify the handball law and other “I-don’t-really-care-but-asking-your-opinion-gets-you-onside” questions.

Late in the second half a no look flying tackle resulted in an excellent save. Graham, woozy, bloodied but triumphant stood ready to take on the next karate challenge by an increasingly lippy centre forward. However his courageousness was overruled by some clear heads and he was escorted to the waiting flagons of thick, hoppy brown liquid on the sideline.

After a series of hard but fair tackles, Rauru was right in the action. Flying in from 20 metres away and taking out a deserving Pirate Sea Captain  who was rather upset by it all our captain stood his ground which encouraged  peace to break out again. However the sea dog must have been concussed too as he was took quite a shine to the East Coast pretty boy and offered him a modelling contract. This coincidentally may have been when Rauru earned his fashion police badge and placed yours truly on the worst dressed list for this season (apparently green and orange are the winter season’s no no).

A well fought out win that was never in doubt.  4-3 Stallions.