Uni Stallions 4 - 1 Eastbourne

Match report from Bakky: The game was played on a very small pitch, which I though we played well on. There was a lot of niggles to the ref (Bakky) and a lot of niggling towards the opposition. Little shits need a spanking :-) and the stallions were the team to give them one. The game started slow and it took a scrappy shot from 40 yards to sneak into the near post, early goal to Eastbourne! (Eds note: 40 yards?! I thought people only exagerate when it's their own goal they're talking about. It was more like 20 yards, 25 tops)  I would say on this pitch it was actually from around 25yrds. (Not very well hit but effective). (Eds note: Oh, I should have kept reading I guess.  But just cause the pitch is smaller doesn't make...never mind).  We needed to shut down the runners from the mid field. The referee was being assessed but made a few errors both ways but from what I saw I thought he had a reasonable game, even if I gave him a bollocking constantly throughout the first half, The Assessor came to me and said if he was refereeing he would have sent me off, I said to him that I wouldn't have said what I said as he would have given the penalty….Once we calmed ourselves down we started adding on the pressure and finally our first goal came from some great play down the right, it ended up with Heath putting in a long throw from the by line, in which I (Bakky) flicked it on and Lloyd who comfortably controlled it and danced around one defender to slip it through the keepers legs, great finish Lloyd 1 - 1. Our second goal came again from the right once again with a good cross coming from Heath the ball had a few attackers on it but was headed out from the Eastbourne centre back, the ball dropped to me (Bakky) where I was sitting around 16yrds on the angle I hit it on the half volleyed and it flew into the side netting of the far post, again good build up play from us down the right (paddy, heath). The third goal came from a loose ball which was bobbling around just outside the 6yrd box, and Carrick did a great job getting to the ball first and sneaking it passed the keeper. Good finish to some good build up! We controlled the game well but let our self down in finishing, the score could have been a lot more at the half; it wasn’t really till the last 20mins of the first half that we started to dominate. The second half started and that’s when the niggling started all over the pitch.  Paddy got nuts twice I was told, Rauru took out a toddler, Bakky almost getting sent off and with all the name calling going on I thought I was back at pre school. There's not much I remember about the second half apart from the fourth goal of the game from a break in play, there was a high ball in which I (Bakky), out jumped a little boy who kept calling me fat, The ball dropped to Lloyd who chipped the keeper from about 12yrds on the angle, very good quality goal.

Eds note:  Bakky obviously Pony despite scoring one and getting two assists.  Bringing the Stallions name into disrepute hasn't been used in a while but this was worthy.  Never heard so much moaning and decent to a ref, and this is from the King Albatross himself!
Stallion was Lloyd for scoring a double and an all round bull-busting game (is 'bull-busting' even a thing?)

Season opener - Stallions 4: Eastbourne 3

My first game in goal since the dim, distant tines of 2012 and I end up as Pony. Typical.

I'm not convinced there is huge shame in letting in 3 goals, but when all 3 are scored in pretty much the centre of the goal perhaps it's right to start asking questions.

Still, to begin at the beginning; the Stallions were forewarned that they were stepping up a grade by arriving in our usual piecemeal fashion to find an opposition already kitted up and going through some drills.  It was a gloriously warm afternoon.  Those of us with more years under our belts and still quietly rubbing our summer bellies (some bigger than others) were sure that their warm-up looked more strenuous than we were prepared to be once the game started.  Aaron confirmed the tone by ambling onto the pitch 30 seconds before kick-off, hoofing a ball towards the corner-flag and claiming "that's the warm-up done".

Perhaps unsurprisingly, Eastbourne started marginally the brighter of the teams, stringing some decent attacking moves together.  Some heroic, but unsung, keeping and last-ditch defending managed to keep them at bay for about the first 20 minutes.  Then they struck.  A piercing ball through the attacking left-hand channel set their striker clear - he fired a good low cross across the face of the goal.  Paddy, rather pathetically, failed to cover all three of the players they had queuing up for the tap in.

After that, Lloyd and Heath started to assert themselves in the middle of the park and the Stallions played themselves back into the game  A deserved equaliser arrived after some smart interplay between Lloyd and Bakkie allowed space for the cross to be delivered - Rauru rising majestically to head past an exposed keeper.  The second came from a promising looking Eastbourne attack.  Although Rauru seems hell-bent on denying his brother any credit, it was actually a trademark Tangihaere punt of a clearance that caused panic in the opposition defence and helped set young skyWalker on his way. A very cool run and finish into the bottom corner put the Stallions ahead.

Somewhere in there - in keeping with the free-flowing Stallions philosophy - an interchange between Tangi and Joe resulted in a rather optimistic high bouncing back pass.  As the ball spun wildly off the turf, I realised it was either let it hit my arm or watch it bounce into the net (a trick I was keeping up my sleeve for later).  The indirect free-kick that followed came to nothing.  The opinion that I should probably have been sent off for stopping a certain goal was put down to needless pedantry.

Second half started badly.  We felt really flat and Eastbourne capitalised.  Their strikers were given way too much room on the edge of our area and someone found the space to expertly curl a shot just inside the far post.  So fierce was the effort that my exclamation that it had "gone past me and into the goal" was cut off after the first word.  Momentum on their side, Eastbourne took the lead pretty soon afterwards with a simple header from a corner.  A nice header, but a combination of defenders and keeper maybe could have done better.

The Stallion moment arrived not long afterwards.  Another well weighted through ball found their striker clear on the left.  I came out and got their just after the him.  I didn't really see what happened but apparently the ball (after hitting me - yes, I'm claiming a save) crashed into the crossbar and back out to one of their players.  With the opportunity to pick his spot, a wonderful goal-line header from Tangi kept their lead to one.

After that, there was some handbags.  Poor Heath got bullied by a skinny 16 year old.  The instigator didn't quite get what he deserved - their explanation that "he's only young and small" doesn't really cut it.  If you're old enough to kick someone on the ground you're old enough to suffer the consequences.  Hopefully someone had words with him after.

Still, the whole thing worked to our advantage.  We got angry, they got flustered and it started to show.  Free-kicks were picked up in positions where we could capitalise on Paddy's excellent delivery and our superiority in the air.  First came a flick from Ra into the path of the tireless GI Joe who gleefully tucked it away.  Within moments, we got the lead we weren't to surrender - Lloyd bundling another free kick in with a combination of head, shoulders, knees and toes.

Another "testing" back pass from Joe caused momentary panic when my excellent control again may have resulted the ball hitting my arm.  This one was entirely accidental and the ref made the brave call to pretend he didn't see it.

Nice work Stallies.  A winning start to life in Capital 5 and some optimism for what prove to be a slightly sterner test next week against the whippersnappers of the Accies.

The kids are alright

So experience smashes innocence again. A great win to start off the new season. I'll leave the match report to our pony, but perhaps leave you with a few Heard on the Sidelines:

After Joe had held the tango a little too long with his marker:
'Let go of him you dirty old man'.

To Paddy:
'C'mon, you are 28 years old'

Heath, after being told the age of the opponent he was smashing:
'How am I supposed to know he's only 16'.

A couple of drinks afterwards where the following awards were presented:

Stallion: Tangihaere - that clearance from the line - which unbelievably he tried to pass on to Tom who apparently had blocked the angle with such precision (by which time we all got bored of listening to Tangihaere).

Pony: Paul - I'm not exactly sure of this, but others thought it was hilarious - something about saying the ball was going wide and it sailed into the centre of goal.  Look forward to the match report, especially the reliving of Joe's back passes!

Did I get the assists right?