For the FPL Stallions: FPL Season Round Up

The 2015/2016 FPL season has finished. And it was a good one, well at least at the top which went right to the wire. But as should always happen, Good triumphed over evil, the fans were appeased, the crown returned to the King.

From top to bottom:

Player: Aaron

Team: Staccies

2016: Champion

History: 4 time champ

Unlike the EPL, the powerhouse, bookie’s favourite, won the FPL. Why not? Has won 4 out 6 seasons (not enough room on the sleeves for all those stars). This is the name other teams whisper in fear at night. Survived a dodgy start (remember this Rauru? - http://unistallions.blogspot.co.nz/2015/08/fantasy-epl.html) but took the lead 3/4 through and never relented. Never in doubt. Virtually unbeatable. Did rely on the help of Payet: 2 big captain hauls at key moments (one triple captain to counter Gerald’s bench boost).

EPL-alike: Chelsea (just not this season’s version): Arrogant, dirty, talks it up, hated by all teams (but secretly admired), history shows a couple of missteps, but always odds on to win in a canter. Draws all the neutrals, the shirt sponsorships and tv rights.

Player: Heath

Team: Nosejobs

2016: Runner up

History: 2 x runner up

As with the real Stallions, arrived with swagger into FPL with a bunch of new players (Gerald, Tim) to blow away most of the original players. Dangerous: a bit of a wildcard, makes some crazy choices, many of which come off. But his regular bridesmaid-to-Aaron status is something most other teams can only dream of. This season he nearly pulled off a final game miracle. Facing a 50 point deficit, he captains Mane, brings in Giroud, and ends up cutting that lead to a dangerously close 15 points. As Aaron got negative points as Smalling scored an oggie, all looked like the season might be over. Oh yes, and where did he come from this season? Rauru, remember this? - http://unistallions.blogspot.co.nz/2015/08/fantasy-epl.html

EPL-alke: Arsenal (F**kers)

Player: Gerald

Team: Palmy13
2016: 3rd

History: 1 x runnerup, 2 x 3rd

The thinking man’s team. Throughly researched, smart moves, somehow managed to patiently save his wildcard for the final game (how did that work out for you G? EPIC FAIL!) - but boring, lacking the high-risk approach of Heath who he is consistently fighting with for 2nd and 3rd. Terrible end of season - was playing for first with 2 games to go, had all the advantages - but choked  - not only lost the battle for first, but watched as Heath stole second place on the final day. Yes, its obvious who the EPL-alike is:

EPL-alike: Tottenham

Player: Nick

Team: South Coast Taniwha

2016: 4th

History: 2nd (twice), 3rd (3 times)

Tradition. This is Nick’s 10th FPL season (far more than the other Stallions). Congratulations! A decade of mediocrity! Has never won the Stallions League (and the fact that he does much better in the Island Bay leagues illustrates the relative IQs of both clubs). You never know what you are going to get from Nick: hints of brilliance but then some absolute, absolute shite. Almost feels like he will be a contender, but then inevitably falls away - probably as a result of wasting time on endless twitter battles with Rauru. His FPL style is much like his infamous ‘I fell in the duckshit’ penalty fail for the Stallions.

EPL-alike: Stoke (a-lona). Tradition - the oldest surviving team in the EPL, impossible to know who is going to show up, and he has an embarrassing man crush on Arnautovic.

Player: Tim

Team: White Line Fever

2016: 5th

History: 1 x champion

Won the league on his debut season, blowing everyone away. Looked like a new force had arrived, but has suffered the indignity of mid table finishes ever since. A far better player than Nick and really should be finishing higher than him. Led the league for parts of the season, always looked like he was going to pounce. Plays with resolve and determination. Will argue for weeks why a particular player will score soon (discussing formations, pitch conditions, top 40 singles), but perhaps outplays/nutmegs himself. 

EPL-alike: Leicester (in about 3 years). After a believe-it-or-not winning season has dropped down to be average at best, always dining out on the ‘good old days’ stories of the 13/14 season. May end up running a pub with Jamie Vardy (no bouncers required there).

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This is the point where if we had relegation, it would kick in. Wouldn’t that be hilarious - especially Rauru having to go play in the championship for a season.

Player: Logan

Team: Cheong Ju Tigers
2016: 6th

History: last, last, relegated/did not play, 2nd to last, 2nd to last, 3rd to last.

I guess that history makes this Logan’s most successful season yet! Congrats! Oh yes, do we remember this - http://unistallions.blogspot.co.nz/2015/08/fantasy-epl.html
Started the season on fire - but that is because it was such a topsy turvy period which rogue, wildcard actions actually stood a chance. Red arrows pretty much ever since, well at least until Rauru started spending 100s of transfer points in a desperate attempt to look like he didn’t give a shit any more. Logan tries the same game: he’s always apparently too busy, he didn’t have time, he forgot - but somehow transfers seemed to be made. Next season I propose we set up an average dummy team in GW1, make no transfers all season, and I bet it beats Logan. But he’s funny as hell, and brings necessary humour to the game.

EPL-alike - these guys, since its just too easy to say Norwich (and I feel kind of sad for Norwich):

Player: Rauru

Team: #Stallions

2016: 7th

History: 1 x champion, runnerup (twice)

A stain on this fine game, an embarrassment to that team name. Talks the most smack, but delivers the least results. In fairness, at least he kept the banter going all season ever when it was clear where he was going to finish. A once proud, championship winning side in tatters. Spent weeks saying he had unearthed a fpl gem player, kept this secret for ages, and then told us it was ... wait for it ... wait for it ... Scott Sinclair. Sums up his season and the vision right there.

There is only one possible EPL-alike - Newcastle (not that excellent final game Newcastle who would have put 5 past any team in Europe). The comparsison is both in the team (ugly, aggressive, painful to watch), and its star player - Rauru’s self destruction over the last couple of game weeks is much like Mitrovich in the Spurs game: scores a goal, an assist, then blatantly tries to break someone’s leg, gets sent off, walks off swearing at everyone, taking a swing at his own players. Class.

Player: Graham

Team: Tractor Boys

2016: Last

History: 2nd to last, 3rd to last, last, last, last ( I see a pattern forming)

We all know that Graham is a legit genius, but what the hell is up with this? He doesn’t seem to be playing (10 transfers all season - Rauru’s done that many before breakfast), but then suddenly he plays - when it seems there is a chance to beat Logan or Rauru. He is a genius and he is competitive  - total f**ken enigma. He might be running this whole game/world as far as I know. He certainly could dedicate his non-shaving time to team selection - perhaps that way he would not be so bad. 

EPL-alike: Aston Villa (he is so Aston Villa he made this comparison himself on twitter, but I guess when you support Ipswich in real life you will take anything.)

In fairness though, as this table from the end of the 2011(?) season shows, Graham didn’t finish last when the other Stallions used to play - who is that Indifferent player right down the bottom there? And who is this Miracle of Istanbul? Maybe a return from relegation for these and other new players next season? You will end up somewhere below Heath, Gerald, Tim, but above Nick, Rauru and Logan. 

#	Team	Manager	GW	TOT
	1	005	Aaron L	51	2,151
	2	Poroufessor	Rauru Walker	56	1,970
	3	koomes	Daniel Wharakura	50	1,968
	4	Porirua City	Jason Aitofi	23	1,943
	5	South Coast Taniwha	Nick Goodall	43	1,772
	6	Miracle of Istanbul	Patrick Sawyer	56	1,765
	7	Portman Rd Plodders	Graham Mann	55	1,735
	8	LL	Lachlan Lepper	32	1,643
	9	Team Indifferent	Paul Kilford	19	1,449

Until next season ... Rauru, since your EPL predictions were SO off target again, maybe you should start the fpl season with some prediction?

God is there really a blog tag 'Aaron wins again' - I'll use that one (its just above 'Aaron bowls pies'.

Final standings:

	#	Team	Manager	GW	TOT
	1	Staccies	Aaron L	42	2,233
	2	Nosejobs	heath smith	77	2,218
	3	Palmy13	Gerald Joe	54	2,200
	4	South Coast Taniwha	Nick Goodall	56	2,143
	5	White line Fever	Tim Robinson	45	2,131
	6	Cheong Ju tigers	Logan Mead	34	1,995
	7	#Stallions	Rauru Walker	45	1,944
	8	Tractor Boys	Graham Mann	51	1,622