I know that no Stallion likes to mention the Ludlow Curse so close to the start of the first game for fear of bringing an end to their own season. Last season, Robin reminded me of this fact mere minutes before the tragic moment which left Jamie sprawling on the ground after feeling the full power of my left foot volley from 45 meters into a howling gale. In a Football Final Destination kind of way, I now feel that I must now be safe, that the Ludlow curse transferred via the power of the aforementioned volley to a player of much lesser consequence. Thanks Jamie. Bring it, curse. But please, if it happens to me, can someone take me to the hospital. I'll be the one crying like a little girl.
Now, we know the curse will hit someone, and it would not be right to nominate who would make the funniest victim - but I think we need to embrace the curse. Let's invent some Ludlow curse scenarios. Best one gets the only prize I have to offer - immunity from the next time they have to wear the pink headband, and the ability to force it onto someone else.
I'll start us off:
Stallions first game in Div 6, playing Wellington United at Melrose Park. The animals locked inside the zoo were eerily quiet, as though they could smell an evil presence hovering over the fence. From kickoff, a beautiful through ball puts Hodges into the clear. He beats one, beats two, trips over his own feet, recovers, trips again, recovers, looks to see if Dad is watching, trips, comes inside Paddy, fakes it, recovers and finally looks up to the see the goal. The ball sits up perfectly ... he is about to unleash when a hairy ball of energy rips across the field from the baboon enclosure and takes off his left leg. Another baboon sitting in a tree calls him back, slowly stands up and pulls off a baboon mask to reveal himself as Robin who has not been in India at all, but living in the zoo training his minions to get revenge on Hodges after the infamous baboon gag of 2006. He yells out there is no Ludlow curse you idiots, we are the Ludlow curse (only Ben and maybe Graham will get the literary reference), rips the number 6 of Ben's back, slots into left mid and scores a hatrick. Ben tries to play on, but with only a right foot and a big forehead to play with he is rendered useless and spends the rest of the season on the couch, the latest victim of the Ludlow Curse.
That sounded better in my head. I just wanted to get rid of those damn cricket stats.
8 comments:
Let's just hope the curse never snaps your funny bone because you are a riot.
harsh,fucking harsh
What could you mean? Strange how this comment coincided with the 1 vote for 'other' on most likely injury poll ...
i'm a sucker for long odds
Who voted for Ben B? That's harsh. At least everyone else nominated deserves it in some funny, ironic kinda way. Perhaps Jamie is concerned about retaining the number 1 keeper's jersey ...
I've changed my mind - perhaps the funniest ludlow curse would be if Nick G carried it into his new team, and after an extensive preseason falls to the curse in the first game for the new club - that would teach him for abandoning us. The only negative would be that he might want to come back to rehab. Screw that.
Alright, I need to add a new one because Nick's upset that I might have cursed him. So damn it, i might just do the whole team.
Tristin wakes up first game of the season, sees the roast defrosting on the bench and packs his bag. He gets distracted by the light glinting off his 08 Stallion of the year trophy and decides to shine it up one more time. It slips out of his stubby fingers and lands on his right big toe. Realising that the toe is responsible for all his dirty, toe-poke, tap-in goals he decides to give in to the Ludlow curse and never play again.
nah i'd rather Nick took the curse with him, Island bay ain't nothing but f**kwits ;)
Post a Comment