Comedy gold

Jose Mourinho & Arsene Wengers Love Affair

Quality video! This is brilliant!

Posted by Eyefinger on Tuesday, 15 September 2015

Stallions in Div 3.

Sunday League Stereotypes
Things that always happen at Sunday league football.
Posted by UNILAD on Monday, 21 September 2015

So much of this is true...except we don't usually have balls let alone bibs and cones... 

Stallions 2015 team photo

EPL predictions

Right, time for my predictions.  Looking back at mine and Nick Goodall's picks last year, it's saffe to say that mine were a lot more accurate (it's as if Goodall gave the kiss of death to players and teams).  These were the picks that I had before the season kicked off.  There's a few notes in brackets after a couple of rounds of the new season.

1st - Chelsea will be the team to beat again this year. They haven't made any new signings of note but they were so far ahead of everyone last year that it's hard to see another team catch them. As I said last year, if Costa can score 20 + goals they will win comfortably. If not they should still have the goods to get the job done.  (Update - Wow, what a change from last season.  Last season they were unbeaten until December (11 wins, 3 draws before their first loss) and were being talked up as a possibility of going unbeaten in the season.  This year they look tired already.  You'd have to assume they'll come right but it's made for an interesting start and I'm not nearly as certain about them coming first anymore).

2nd - Arsenal seem to have a good team this year and with the addition of Cech their defensive line should be strong. I still think they are missing a decent striker and should break the bank for Benzema, but other than that I think they will be tough to beat. They could push Chelsea but will fall away at the end as they usually do. Next season could well be their season.  (Update - A bad loss in their first game and an unconvincing win in their second - same old Arsenal?)

After this it gets a little bit interesting.

3rd - I'm going to say Man City will get third although they could end up as low as fifth. They very much rely on Aguero and if he gets injured for any significant amount of time I think they will struggle to make the top 4.  Last year they were pretty average and I think things will only get worse for them this year. They need a refresh in their team and while I think Sterling will be good with Aguero up front, I don't think he and Delph are enough.  They seem to need to rebuild but haven't done enough in the transfer window yet IMO.  (Update - Geez, I couldn't have been more wrong!  Tired players last season look in great touch this season and they're the only 'big' team to have started convincingly.  Big challenger for 1st).

4th - Rounding off the top 4, my heart says Liverpool but if I were to put the house on it I'd have to say Man U. For the sake of this blog though I'm going to go to Liverpool. This summer's signings have been more than decent and with last season's signings having a season under their belt I think this has the potential to be a good season for Liverpool. As with every team however, it depends on how well the attack goes. They should create chances with the players they have, it just depends if Sturridge can get fit again and Benteke can finish the chances that he should be provided with. The defence seems much better this year so I'm expecting good things.  (Update - Yep, I'm saying they'll get 4th.  Two unconvincing 1-0 wins but with awesome potential.  I don't think we're going to see the swash-buckling style of 13-14 where we'll concede 3 but score 5 *sob sob* but with a more solid D and a more than decent attack I think LFC will do the business)

5th - Since Fergie has left Man U have just been so underwhelming. In Fergie's last season he somehow managed to win the league easily with a super ordinary side, and now that he's not there that super ordinary side is playing super ordinary. Man U supporters are trying to talk up their signings but I don't believe that LVG has what it takes to succeed in this league. Their defence is still dodgy and if DDG leaves they are in for a world of trouble.  They are also seriously lacking a backup for Rooney and if he gets injured they will miss the top 5 for sure. We will also have to wait and see how well signings like Depay and Schweinstiger settle. If Depay doesn't settle into the league they could be in serious trouble as he is meant to be providing a lot of goals and assists.  A big ask for a young guy in a new, demanding league.  (Yep, 5th.  They look as average as I thought and are in serious need of decent attackers with Rooney in poor early form.  I think Depay will come good and will be their Sanchez (a good player carrying an average attack), they've got good players in CM and their D isn't as bad as I thought, but with no Pedro signing and it looking unlikely DDG will play even if he stays I don't think they'll have enough to compete in Europe and domestically.  Need more signings, but who is there?)

After that, well, who cares really.  Spurs will be there or there abouts, Southampton too, but they'll never really challenge the top 4.

So that's me.  What say you?

Fantasy EPL

Aaron, the reigning king of FPL is struggling.

In fact, he's struggling so bad that Tim, who missed the first week and picked his team for the second week in 2 minutes is ahead of him. In contrast, Aaron spent (and spends) literally hour upon hour researching players he should be selecting and fine tuning his team. Needless to say he's not happy.

But then when u have a team like this why would you be happy?

Graham and Paul be like...

 We've already had some handshake fails this season (resulting in a Pony even - read the description of how it was earned - love it!).  The one this weekend was awesome though.

It's half time and everyone is feeling pretty cock-a-hoop going in 2-1 up with a changed team (except Carrick probably).  The pre arranged swap up front of the donut-loving-sour-cream-beer-drinking defenders takes place as Paul and Graham get the nod to get on the score sheet.  Graham, all excited to get a trot up front, looks at Paul and offers up a gesture that would solidify their bond for the next 45 minutes and no doubt have them both on the score sheet.  Paul...well...the video above kinda explains what happens next (Graham is the ref in the video in case you need it spelled out).

Was this a sign of things to come for the next 45 minutes?  You be the judge.




Rio does a good Graham impersonation here too.

Reverse the team - hey, that sounds like fun! 6-2 loss

All made up for by Chris getting off the sour scream/beer combo with a screamer. The whole team was very excited , except for Tangihaere, Paul, Graham, and Tim ...

Not much to talk about -  they did the double over us, but an * needed for both games - the first one no one knew just how wasted Gus was, and yesterday, well ...

Goals:
Carrick (Dan assist)
Chris (any assist?)

Stallion:
There can be only one - Chris.

Pony:
A few options:
Aaron - 'charming the pants of the referee' - okay, so I forget my shorts and the ref kindly lent me his. Nothing to see here. Had a good game that ref. Nice shorts too. A deserved pony, but since I'm missing the next game it needs to go elsewhere:

Paul - the bring down and control (kind of) which led to their first goal.
Nick - the perfect infield cross (to their striker on the edge of the box who obliged)
Now another * - I don't know if I can endorse this one - blame Graham: Carrick for 'not pulling finger'. Booo.

Okay, final game against wainui (who beat Brooklyn - they may have messing around like us?), finish on a high Stallions.

A bit of respect for the Stallions from the KCU match report - key areas highlighted

After our enforced week off due to the weather, we resumed our season which has now turned into a relegation battle facing Vic uni stallions that are 2nd in the league and have near enough secured promotion.
Again for Elmo it was a struggle to find a fully fit team to face these guys, the fact that the 1sts were away playing at the same time made us even more stretched and Sargie having had a few weeks off with a bad back decided on lifting a bag of cement into his car on Saturday morning thus hurting it again and leaving him 60% fit at best (Bend the knees while lifting sargie its basic manual handling haha). It has been an on-going thing with us this year and one that has made it not an enjoyable campaign.
In our last fixture against the stallions (we lost 3-2) they were much the better team for most of the game and are a well drilled outfit  proof of that is in them getting promotion. We decided with going with a 4-5-1 formation to counter their midfield and protect ourselves a bit and we all agreed that we needed to fight hard in every aspect of the game if we wanted to get the 3 points.

The conditions were bloody freezing wind and rain and we were not impressed by the fact that KCDC hadn’t fixed the showers so we had a nice cold shower to look forward to after the game..

1st Half

We kicked off and our intensity from the 1st whistle was a lot better than in recent weeks we wanted the ball all the time and our communication was better than usual, we were stretching the opposition with good wing play by Mitch and Evans. The stallions came into the game though with a shot that was saved well by Robin then dropped by Robin, then caught by Robin, then dropped, then finally made secure by Robin. Jesus H Christ Robin you are going to give us all a heart attack with that kind of carry on so stop it mate!!!

Robin then followed that up with one of the best saves I’ve seen at Weka following a ball inform the left wing the stallions striker smashed it from 8 yards and for all money it was going into the top corner but Robin dives and sticks out a strong right hand to tip it over for a corner, bloody outstanding mate.
At the other end we were making inroads just our final decision making letting us down but we seemed in control and on the 20 min mark Jarrod spotted me losing my marker (Editors note: Aaron throws his hands up in the air - 'who me?' and put in a great 30 yard diagonal ball which I took down 20 yards out shifted it onto my left boot and drilled it into the bottom corner. 1-0 KCU. We were on the front foot now and started attacking using Mitch down the left with his pace and Evans/Mark down the right with their lack of pace (sorry lads) but they were working well together as an attacking and defensive unit. Our back four were stopping everything coming at them very calmly and looked in total control. We had a few more chances and a few balls in that no one could get on the end of but we finished the half strong to go in at the break 1-0 up

Half Time Score KCU 1-0 Vic Uni Stallions

At half time we knew that we still had a lot of work to do but if we got a goal early then it would put us in a good position to take the 3 points. At this point I was joined by my eldest boy Thomas for the team talk and all I can say is that if he starts using the language that was used during it I will not be best pleased!!!!! He found the words used hilarious as only a 4 year old can J

Also the guys up on the deck still thought it was 0-0 and didn’t realise we had scored, Coppo and Ox I think you need to go to Specsavers!!!!

2nd Half

The stallions kicked off but we continued our pressing game and making them make mistakes and about 2 mins into the half Mark went down the right and whipped in a great ball, there was some confusion between the Keeper and the centre back which resulted in the centre back heading the ball past the keeper and into the empty net. (Editors note: 'Some confusion - thats generous!) 2-0 KCU
Mark actually tried to claim the goal saying it was a shot on target but sorry mate I can’t give it to you!!! (Editors note: Milky, don't even think about it)
They kicked off and upped their game and started playing some good stuff down and passing the ball around really well and with the lack of training for us we started getting a little ragged  (Editors note: ha!) but our defence was playing magnificently and staying calm and reading every situation very well. At the other end we were now playing counter attack football and doing ok without actually having real clear cut chances on goal, Blocker had one that I flicked onto him but just couldn’t get a shot away and I had a poor effort saved by the keeper after the ball came back to me from a clearance but I could sense that we were not to be denied today.
With 15 mins to go Connor came on for Evans who had run his arse off all day for us down the right and done a great job, fair play to Connor for playing for us again this week as he’s still coming back from a knee injury and at that tentative stage about tackling which is fair enough but he’s got the minerals (cockney reference see the movie snatch) to give his all for this team and that means a lot to all of us.
We had a few scares towards the end with the stallions hitting some long balls into the box but Robin was having a stormer and never looked like getting beaten and he never did, the ref blew his whistle and the game finished 2-0 KCU

Final Score – KCU 2-0 Vic Uni Stallions

Scorers – Paul McKillop & OG (Mark Rutherford assist)

A great battling performance from us to secure a win against a very good side, we all gave everything and it showed. I got home Saturday night thinking we were safe from relegation (we sit in 4th spot) but the results didn’t go all our way so we still need 1 point from our last two games so there’s still a job to be done.

The ol switch a roo

Highlights from the Stallions vs Karori game this weekend.

Paddy and (probably) Heath are the only two out so far this weekend meaning we have a full 14.  I'll have to have a look at who's subbed but there are a few people who have only subbed twice.  Who were the subs on the weekend - Tangihaere, Paddy, Heath, Nick, Aaron & Carrick?

Lloyd will be a first half sub but there'll need to be a few others as well.

To the line up!

GK - Tim (and on penalty duties since he's not going to get another chance up front this year to get off the bagel)

D - Lloyd, Milky, Dan, Nick

M - Rauru, Carrick, Gerald (since you've played in D a lot), Gus, Aaron

A - Paul, Tangihaere, Chris, Graham

The strikers can have half a game each up front and the other half wherever there is space.  Anyone who still hasn't scored can play up front the following week as well.  Thinking back to past goals scored, I remember Paul scoring a great goal last year when he smashed it across the face of goal into the corner (or was that 5-a-side?).  I definitely remember a few seasons ago him scoring against a 9-man Lower Hutt team in the first game of the season.  Graham scored a stunner from a corner against a North Wellington team last year (or was it the year before?), and Chris scored a cracker of a half volley last year against Marist.  

Which leaves Tangihaere.  Talk us through your last goal Tangihaere.  It was in the same game against the 9 of Lower Hutt a couple of seasons ago if memory serves me right.  A thigh at the back post from a corner?  Or actually, did you score the winner against a team a couple of years ago at Nairnville?  I remember lying face down on the ground trying to milk a free kick (as you do) and next thing you know you've gone and scored.  At the right end even!

Rauru's preparing his end of season speech on facebook

'Watch out 3rds, we're looking to make you the 4ths next season!'

Stallions: 0, KCU: 2, Hodges: Laughing hysterically

So what's the worst possible preparation for a game?

10 mins before kick off: 'Hey, we have won promotion, nothing is riding on this game.'

Or something like that. Screw this, nothing to report here.

Sorry Heath, this needs to be recorded for posterity

'I learnt a lesson in the weekend.  If someone offers you the chance to fill-in for them, make sure they aren’t playing Olympic.

I’m out with a broken snozz.'

From: The Dangers of Untreated Fantasy Football Addiction

A clinical psychologist warns that extreme football fanaticism may actually be an addiction that can damage life’s most significant relationships. Even in parts of the country where football madness is normal, the psychologist states that Fantasy Football fans need to become more alert to the danger Fantasy Football turning into obsession. Over-indulging in sports viewing can negatively impact a person’s quality of life. The psychologist says it is not only about the number of hours you spend in front of the television or computer, but how that involvement might be taking you away from everyday real-life commitment.

Are you an addict? Answer the below questions to find out if you have a Fantasy Football Addiction:
Do you have football on your mind even when you are involved in other activities?
Do you prioritize the game over significant events in your life such as birthdays, anniversaries and key social gatherings?
Do you feel depressed, angry or become violent if your favorite team loses?
Tips for Dealing with People with Fantasy 

I reckon a lot of Stallions suffer from Fantasy Football delusion - the sense that they might beat me. Its seasonal - lasts abut a month and then harsh reality kicks in.

It all begins again next weekend - get in, sign up, make your decisions wisely ...

http://fantasy.premierleague.com/

Something Logan asked me to post

I think its submitted video evidence from a desperate man to claim an assist for a header that hit the post. Video evidence or not, that is no assist.

Masterton 0 - 5 Stallions

Another emphatic performance saw the Stallions continue to stride the final furlongs towards promotion.

Powershop's 3-1 win away to Wainuiomata means we still need a point to confirm that promotion, but we have three opportunities to secure that point starting with the first against Wainui ourselves at Anderson Park at 12:30 on Saturday the 1st. No room for complacency as last week's bottom of the table Tawa held Brooklyn to a 0-0 draw over the weekend; who knows what team will show up at Anderson.

Perhaps because of the large distances involved, 11 Stallions arrived with more than half an hour to spare for the first time anyone in the team can remember in a while. In contrast to the dark and stormy Monday night, we had a bright and brisk winter day, albeit with a low sun that was always going to make life tricky for defenses at one end of the pitch.

Thankfully, we only had one ball, sparing ourselves the ignominy of using all of our collective energy prior to kick off. The warm up did appear to pay dividends though, with Stallions' starting much the brighter including two early goals (both making clever use of the square goalposts, who could be justifiably credited with both assists).

This though was the same script that was followed by our first game against Masterton, a game which saw us only just ahead 3-2 at half time. Just as they had previously, they came back at us again in this one, but a combination of some good defending, a few slightly shaky defensive clearances (including from yours truly, again deputising for Paul in goal), and some 'straight down the throat' shooting from them meant that we kept them out, and managed to add a 3rd before half time.

The second half was more of an arm wrestle, and with the sun very low and straight ahead on the horizon and no cap I found myself sporting a permanent Captain Hurricane salute. I'm blaming the lack of complete visibility on my rush out of the box to inadvertently body check Muse, who had an excellent game, in the act of clearing a through ball. In the end the ball went out, to the relief of both of us.

However, we were able to maintain our control, Milky, Heath and Lloyd superb in the middle, and and add to our half time tally, with two well taken goals; the last a very popular strike by Nick White getting off the season's duck.

Masterton were the perfect hosts, providing our team (and the band of familial supporters, many of them over for the weekend) with copious pizza after the match.

Great work Stallions, lets seal the deal on Saturday!

Stallions 1 - 0 IBU HHH

Great gutsy win last night guys; getting it done on the archetypal cold, wet night at the Britannia (aka Wakefield 1).

A very hard fought game  played mostly on the North side of the ground thanks to the prevailing (or should that be dominating) wind. Conditions did not favour flowing football, but some of our passing along the ground was superb.

Minimal chances at either end, most of what I had to do as keeper amounted to coming and collecting balls that came long (which I did reluctantly) and then trying not to punt the ball out on full (with which I had mixed results). Great goal to seal the deal with minutes to spare, but kudos must go to the defence, superbly marshalled by Aaron to seal a rare clean sheet in the absence of Tangihaere.

Brooklyn are officially promoted as of their 5-3 win against the Sea Captains in the game after ours, and the Magpies win against Tawa lifts them up from dead last in the table and means the bottom 5 teams are separated by just a point.

Bring on Masterton and the road trip!

Black socks/white tape: Stallions 1: IBU Powershop 0

Back to the old Div 7-like battle in the trenches - we ain't played on a field like that for ages - we all on turf/under lights only these days.

And a good, hard battle too - we were pretty average, they will feel the same, the ref had a shocker. Bad/Bizarre calls all round - we were on the receiving end of some- hand ball in the box, benefitted from others - was the time they got the ball into the back of the net offside? We were appealing for a high boot. The sending off, and the yellow for the poor guy on the sideline, was too much.

GREAT goal from Lloyd: starting from midfield, beautiful ball from Rauru to put Lloyd through 1-1, perfect finish. Spark one of the best Heard on the Sidelines for a while (except for that poor IBU lad who got carded for something his friend said) - after seasons of battling his children for golden boot, Lloyd scores, turns around and hears that 'we saw someone scored but couldn't see who it was'. A father's dreams shattered.

Anyway, 3 more points which puts us definitely in the top 2 heading into the final stage of the season. Here we were thinking Div 4 might be too much, but the two promoted teams are miles ahead. Talking about Brooklyn - not only deserved winners of the league, but also a good take on the match report - filmed in the changing rooms after the game and put on the club's facebook page: (https://www.facebook.com/mathew.allen.14/videos/o.118568261517454/10153479398472498/?type=2&theater). Since we are finding it impossible to get written match reports out of the pony, this might be the answer - get them when they are most fired up/embarrassed. No singing though.

Talking about the pony here are the match stats:

Goals:
Lloyd (Rauru assist)
Stallion: Paul (take your pick from any of those saves, but the go go Gadget extension arms one might just make it).
Pony: Milky - hit by the sniper positioned in the Brooklyn hills.

DRAW!!! IBU Sea Captains 3, Stallions 3

Cold night, dropped points.

Goals:
Milky x2 (both assists Paddy?)
Loric (assist?)
(assists not added to season tally until someone lets me know)

I can't even remember who we collared for pony and Stallion - anyone remember?

And next weeks opposition put 8 passed Tawa. Enjoy the goals while you can boys.

From the opposition - KCU match report

We made our way down to play Vic Uni who were 2^nd in the table at Wellington College on the astroturf. There was a sky sport camera team there but alas not to see us but to film the college egg chasing game that was on at the same time.

Again come Friday night we were struggling for numbers due to circumstances beyond Elmo’s control and this continued into Saturday morning but a last min text to Fraser and a bottle of wine for his wife later and he was on his way to help us out again!!!

1^st Half 

We kicked off and got a corner straight away where good interplay from Mitch, myself and Lawrie put them on the back foot but nothing came from it. From then we had another chance where I slid the ball through to Mitch and he hit it wide when 1 on 1 with the keeper, things were going ok but then we lost 2 quick goals due to a defensive error and then a free-kick which Robin couldn’t keep out. I had a chance to get us back into it with another one on one which the keeper got to my lob attempt and then Blocker hit the post with a headed chance from a short corner. We just weren’t at the races though in the 1^st half, some of our tackling was soft and against a team like Vic uni who were older we needed to be stronger than we were. And we went 3-0 down towards the end of the half due to sloppy defending again but I’m not putting blame on anyone as we were all culpable in that 1^st half.

Half Time Score Vic Uni 3-0 KCU 

Elmo had a word with us at half time which seemed to gee us up a bit and none of our heads were down by any stretch of the imagination.

2^nd Half

They kicked off and they seemed to go into their shell as we started fighting for every ball and winning them and about 5 mins into the half a sloppy shanked clearance from their centre back went back across goal toards their left back who tried to header it behind for a corner but instead the ball hit the post and went in. 3-1 

We were well on top now with Lawrie Faye and Mitch having storming games now and from another mazy run from Mr Faye he shot which deflected into the top corner. 3-2 GAME ON

Then we had a shocking decision from the ref (he needs to start watching games if he wants to ever be a good one) where Loz silas was clearly fouled in the box and damage done to his knee but the ref decided to give a goal-kick… He firstly said the uni player got the ball but gave a goal-kick???? Then he turns around and apologises saying he made a mistake (one of many mate one of many).

Loz had to come off and Frankie came on for him down the left.

For the next 15 mins we pummeled the oppo but just couldn’t get the equaliser and the ref blew his whistle to make the final score

Vic Uni 3- 2 KCU.

A game of two halves for us, a shocking 1^st half and then a spirited fightback in the 2^nd in which we just couldn’t get over the line. Again I sit here on Monday morning writing about what could have been if we had been allowed to have Lawrie for the extra 30 mins as he was having a cracking spell.

A crucial game punctuated and spoilt by a game where 

We didn’t show up until half time.

1. A referee’s whistle that was set on a 15 second delay mode.
2. Loss of key players at key times.

Less said about a poor 1^st half (non)performance that after 45 mins saw me asking a few stern questions at the break regarding whether anyone didn’t want to be on the pitch as there wasn’t any shape, commitment, communication or team play.

Our anticipation on the field, like the refs whistle seemed to be on a delayed setting.

2^nd half performance was played with a gritty, passionate and committed team that didn’t resemble the 11 on the park in the first half. With 25 mins left and Vic Uni now only 3-2 ahead, they ran out of steam and were being totally overrun by Loz Faye and support from Mitch and Loz  on the flanks.

Unfortunately losing die hard Loz Silas to a knee injury crudely inflicted inside the box without reprimand and the necessary substitution of Loz Faye after 60 mins to assist the 1^st team, denied us of a great comeback and 3 points.

The game that was !!…..3 points missed and a gap of 6 points between us and them, when it could quite easily have been 0.

Thanks to Fraser, Franky and Zac for putting their hands up for duty when required, again much appreciated.

Some facebook followup;

Heard on the sidelines #4218

Someone as we are 3-nil up against KCU at half time: 'Hodges couldn't even make THAT team'

Stallions 3, KCU 2

The long awaited battle. It looked good at half time 3-zip up. That second half was hell. A big 3 points, creating a 6 point gap from 3rd which if you are Milky inches us ever closer to Div 3, if you are Paddy beckons permanent retirement. (was going to say early retirement but ...)

That first half was a thing of beauty, some of the best football we have played? Carrick with 2 goals and and an assist was the star, but Paddy knocking in crosses from the right and scoring with a free kick - damn, like the old days in Div 7. Logan also handling and at points embarrassing his pacy marker and main point of attack was also a big factor.

Goals:
Carrick (Paul assist)
Paddy (Carrick)
Carrick (Dan)

Stallion: Chris, moved upfront, immediately offside, and kicked the ball away to waste some time. Yellow card. $25. STALLION.
Pony: Paddy, a beautifully headed goal, just at the wrong end.

Match report - Brooklyn 2: Stallions 1

I really should keep a better eye on this blog.  Turn away for a minute and there’s an entire thread agreeing that you’re Pony. 

Anyway, the sun was shining and the wind was brisk, like it always seems to be for us at Wakefield.  Heath, self-declared at “80%” and was drafted straight into the starting line-up – the perils of having 11 people at kick-off.  In true Stallions defeatist spirit, the pre-game chat with the opposition was wishing them the best of luck in Div 3 next year. 

That view seemed justified in an opening set of exchanges where we struggled to impose ourselves.  Heath quickly went from 80-3% attempting an ambitious shot from outside the box.  Mercifully, by that stage, Moose had turned up so our proud record of playing games with 10 didn’t continue.

Brooklyn took a deserved lead midway through the first half.  All it took was a turnover in midfield, an incisive pass, a smart left-right run and an indecisive keeper.  We weren’t getting humped, but it would misleading to suggest that their keeper was busy.  The Brooklyn defence was fast and powerful - and our moves appeared to break down in efforts to get the ball to outnumbered strikers.

Still, halftime was reached with no further incident and we took the opportunity to uphold a strong Stallions tradition by talking over each other for the few minutes before we started all over again.  We began the second half with as bit more about us.  Without creating a lot of chances, we did create a lot of pressure and Brooklyn were clearly uncomfortable with that.  A deflected free-kick and Paddy had an angled header drift onto the post (curse that Island Bay breeze).

Eventually we got the leveller we possibly deserved.  A neat ball put Rauru through – he got a toe to it just before the keeper cleaned him out.  Up stepped Milky “I don’t miss penalties” Davey to do his thing.

It all evened up a bit after that.  Brooklyn got what seemed like an endless stream of corners.  One came across and caught Milky flush in the face.  “Which one of you pricks ducked?”.  Classic pony moment.  Oh wait, that bit’s coming from the next corner.  I had visions of my decisive punch clearing the ball from danger.  Instead it grazed off the underside of my hand straight into my well-proportioned snout.  Another corner – this time there was some pinball, the ball dropped kindly for Brooklyn, who lashed a shot that deflected and somehow managed to avoid a series of flailing limbs.  2:1.

The closest we got after that was the keeper’s generous attempt to even things up by throwing the ball into the net.  As the ref pointed out, our one-paced strikers failed to capitalise. 

I thought we played really well in the second half.  Our previous promotion seasons have been punctuated by relatively undeserved wins against Brooklyn.  It wasn’t to be this year but I don’t think a draw would have flattered us.  Particular props to the D.  I might be Pony but it wasn’t my busiest game and I think that’s thanks to a great team effort from the front back.  Special mention to Moose, who did an amazing job filling that Tangihaere-sized hole in the centre.  Nice work fellas – time to focus on KCU.

Top of the table clash: Brooklyn 2, Stallions 1

Damn Stallions, that was a good effort. To go up against the top team in the league who thrashed us last time, without rocks Tangihaere and Lloyd, with only 12 - including '2 minute man' Heath, and push them like that was a good effort. So good, it feels like we could/should have got more out of that. We put up a great effort, but it seemed that unlike pretty much every other team in the league their defence was good, organised, strong and quick - and we couldn't make many chances. Only another perfectly executed pen from Milky to our credit, following Rauru been clattered by the keeper - Rauru was legitimately in the wars all day as opposed to just flopping around as normal (except for the one monstrosity of a dive, or was it 2?).

Goal: Milky (Rauru assist)

Not enough of a quorum for awards at the clubrooms, so get into the comments with nominations for pony and Stallion.

Meanwhile, Russian Bakky models the new all white away strip. Unbuttoned top button mandatory.

'We need to dick a team', Ok then: Stallions 5 - Tawa zip

Goals: Milky (no assist), Carrick (Paddy assist?),  Dan (Paddy assist), Oggie (Paddy assist), Rauru (assist?)

Stallion: Graham - too many good moments to pick from but a great overall game (could have been very different with that 'clearance' across the face of goal!). Great game G.

Pony - Some good contenders:
Tangihaere: no trust in the keeper/left foot (and he tried to blame Butchard for mentally scarring him about 4 seasons ago)
Logan - a terrible pass to Graham right in front of the face of goal that almost set up a 1 on1. His initial call of 'G' quickly became 'GGG-Jesus!'
Rauru - after been called offside blaming the rest for making him run too far.
Tim - The slowest substitution ever, changed boots 4 times, came on with 2 different boots.
Milky - 'is he injured, is he not'? Looked like he could not walk until the game opened up and he spritely took the ball of Lloyd's feet in front of goal, got cleaned up, took the penalty and had an all-round miraculous recovery.

And the winner is Milky, we look forward to a debut match report and headband.

Nick Goodall Watch

Unfortunately North Wellington equalised while IBU were temporarily down to 10 men after a stray elbow produced a profusely bleeding nose to CB Nick Goodall.

Should have asked Brooks for bandaging tips.

I think this is Gus's match report from the Sea Captains game

It's got a David Lynch feel - I'm sure it weaves together about 3 different games, has no idea with what actually happened, and perhaps at some point Logan stops to share peyote with his spirit animal. Its a bit weird, but here goes:

A more flattering view of everyone's favourite ginger pony

The Stallions started in their usual shemozzle fashion going two nil down all too quickly. Had I known the ridicule one faces when volunteering, out of the goodness of one’s heart to support the club, only to be awarded the grand shame of pony, I would have paid (more? Some?) attention to the game.

So, like many other of my pony reports, the details will be known only to those players with a passion for stats, tactics and how to play fantasy football. So who knows how the Pirate Sea Captain scored their first goal? Likely a breakaway after losing possession deep in the opposition half or perhaps a leprechaun trying to dribble out of left back -definitely not a chip the keeper scenario however.

The second goal was easily slotted from the penalty spot although I suspect Graham did get a palm to it. A scurvy for’ward was tripped near the sideline and incredibly defied gravity falling sideways into the penalty area (about 2-3 metres away) to claim a penalty kick.

Gradually climbing back into the game the boys in black (a big thanks to #Welmantechnologies) made forays into opposition territory stringing some nice passes together. Lloyd worked well through the middle and was supported excellently by both Dan and Gerald who both had a lot of puff in their sails. This led to Gerald's headed goal which is a contender for team goal of the year and more than enough to earn him the title of Stallion (are you going to put some options up on the blog Aaron?). It all starting from a throw-in from inside our own half followed by some excellent link work through the middle. Bakkie is said to have made the assist.

Next up a penalty was awarded to the Stallions after Lloyd was scythed down on a mazy run, and Bakkie calmly slotted home. More shouts of “aaargh, that be a penalty” were heard midway through the second half but this aging defender had earned himself a free hand ball in the box. This was achieved by befriending the referee before kick off by casually asking him to clarify the handball law and other “I-don’t-really-care-but-asking-your-opinion-gets-you-onside” questions.

Late in the second half a no look flying tackle resulted in an excellent save. Graham, woozy, bloodied but triumphant stood ready to take on the next karate challenge by an increasingly lippy centre forward. However his courageousness was overruled by some clear heads and he was escorted to the waiting flagons of thick, hoppy brown liquid on the sideline.

After a series of hard but fair tackles, Rauru was right in the action. Flying in from 20 metres away and taking out a deserving Pirate Sea Captain  who was rather upset by it all our captain stood his ground which encouraged  peace to break out again. However the sea dog must have been concussed too as he was took quite a shine to the East Coast pretty boy and offered him a modelling contract. This coincidentally may have been when Rauru earned his fashion police badge and placed yours truly on the worst dressed list for this season (apparently green and orange are the winter season’s no no).

A well fought out win that was never in doubt.  4-3 Stallions.